Trials and Tribulations

When i was younger......... much much younger... i had long (very long) blond hair.......

Then i got pregnant........ and started to go grey in my 20's (that is not to say eldest daughter was trying or anything - no no not at all.... the fact that every time i went near her she screamed like a banshee.. the fact that anyone else but me could handle her and she would smile and coo.. no no .. that had nothing to do with the fact that i started to go grey)

A couple of years after the birth of charming eldest daughter..i was cleaning the bathroom.. looked in the mirror and saw this "kid" with pig tails looking back...... i kept thinking 'i am 30 now - i should grow up'. So what did i do?? i picked up the phone and called my hairdresser... and demanded that he cut it all off.. yes ALL of it.. give me a perm too.. and maybe cover up the grey streaks.

i came home looking just like my mother !!! even eldest daughter who by now was able to cope with my mothering skills - took one look at me and ran crying away. My personality changed .. with the hair cut.. it was as though the hairdresser had cut off the fun side of me.. (another version of Samson ). Anywayyyyyyyy.. heading towards my 40th birthday - having had another daughter .. who didn't seem to mind my mothering skills - OR - they had improved drastically with the hair cut.... i decided to let my hair grow again....... and to dye my hair completely no more streaks to cover the grey - the grey was winning anyway!! i was gonna try and go back to the long blond young years ......

i didn't actually succeed in going back to the younger years but i did succeed in going back to the long blond hair.

Heading into my late 40's - now remember i have been dying my hair now for just over 15 years.. i realized the hair was getting dull looking.. brassy looking.. time for a change.. and oh wow.. just in time there was a new hair product out that promised to dye the grey AND add streaks all in one sitting......... and at home too.. so i didn't have to sit still at the hairdresser's for hours and hours.

i rushed out and bought it.. couldn't wait to get home and tear open the package and get started.. i was gonna have young hair again.. blond with blonder streaks... YAY !!! and all in a matter of a couple of hours.

When it came time to put the streaks in......i was on a roll.. it was going smashingly well... i used the provided 'comb' to comb the next set of dye through my hair.. in sections... oh this was gonna look gorgeous.. young looking hair again....... but the comb seemed to get stuck in the hair... i tried to unstick it.. and the hair pulled out of my head !!! Did that deter me?? not this stubborn subbie.. i did another section .. and another.. and each time a hunk of hair would come out.

When i washed my hair.. i literally sat in the bathtub and cried.. my hair was quite literally falling out in handfuls.... what had i done!!?? i called my hairdresser in tears... he took me immediately.. He took one look at the mess that was supposed to be my young blond hair.. and shook his head.. Nothing to be done but to cut as much as possible off.. get rid of it.. hair and colouring...

It took nearly 2 years for all the hair to grow back.. and the hairdresser told me i had been lucky .. at one point even he despaired of my hair coming back at all !!! i couldn't colour my hair any more.. i was going to be grey/white and learn to love it... or live with it.. end of discussion.

Since that time i have struggled with my limp thin yucky hair.... i have tried growing it.. i have tried cutting it - short shorter shortest. and i hate it .......... and when i hate something i tend to ignore it.. so for the last few months i have been ignoring my hair...and it had grown quite long (for me). Now youngest daughter's wedding was coming and i scrutinized myself in the mirror... what was to be done with the hair??? Stupid me .. i actually asked her if she would be upset if i cut it for the wedding..

YES !! she would be upset.... so i suffered through the 35 degree heat with pouffy hair that wasn't really all that bad.. except....... i didn't like it.

When the wedding was over.. i turned to Sir and asked Him for permission to cut the locks again !! By now Sir is accustomed to my frantic need every once in a while to DO something with my hair........ He nodded.. and so i went searching for a new 'do' something bouncy and springy and devilish .. and short......something to suit my personality..

Thank god i have a patient understanding hairdresser.. i arrived with a picture.. and declared i want THAT cut...... he studied it... he studied me.. he hummed and he hawed.. he finally said.. "you do realize SHE - pointing to the picture - has thick hair right"?? yes yes i knew that.. just give me that hair cut.......

And he did..

And i loved it.. it is short .. but not that short.. it bounces .. sort of.. and can be sly and devilish if i flip one side just right.......

The interesting thing in this tale is..... every woman that has seen the latest haircut says they love it .. the men are .. ummm.. diplomatic. In fact Cloud asked - after spending an hour or so with me before He got up the nerve to ask i think - "so is this your summer cut?"

Sir commented that i had earrings on one night.. i replied i always wear earrings You just couldn't see them before........

Now the big question ........ have i found the hair cut that i will love?? that i will be satisfied with? have i finally given up on the notion of ever having young blond long hair again??

ummmmmmmm what i will say is.. for now.. i like my new hair........

And in case you are interested in the picture i took to my poor overworked hairdresser.......here it is............. just remember.. she is a red head !!!

On Trainings.......

i went off yesterday to visit with our dear friend Cloud...... we were supposed to go swimming but like almost every day this summer.. it clouded over by 10 am and was just miserable... so we sat at the pool and talked the morning away... of course settling all the world's problems .. including peace.

One topic that we got onto was Training...... and i know when i used to visit in the BDSM chat rooms that that was a rather "hot topic". i usually kept my mouth shut (and yeah believe it or not i CAN keep my mouth shut) because i had spent 18 months (wayyyyyyy back when) in a "house" with many submissives/slaves and i had been assigned to one of the older more experienced slaves. (i think i may have talked about him before.. or mentioned him in passing - i honestly don't remember).

Most of those in the chat rooms did not believe in training.. most said they would prefer to be trained by their Master... or in the case of a Dominant's comment - They wanted to train their own slaves and couldn't see the point to a sub being trained PRIOR to be being collared.

To me this wasn't rocket science.......... and it didn't make any sense to me....
IF i am with a Dominant.. He/She will train me to suit their needs..........yes i agree. But what happens if - god forbid - the relationship ends. Does that mean i no longer have any worth because i have been trained?? Does that make sense to you???

Maybe it has to do with how each of us views this community of BDSM........ if you are realy in it for the kinky sex.. (and yummy isn't kinky sex grand!!??) then of course any 'training' you may have received by another Dominant may NOT apply .........

BUT if you are trained in the "Old Leather" ways or "Old Guard" ways.... you are set for life as far as i am concerned... the intricate rituals/protocols of the more formal lifestyle do not change from one Dominant to another - much like saying 'please and thank you' or actually rsvping to an invitation.. social skills - pure and simple - but at another level.

About 8 years ago or so.. i read a book entitled "To Love, To Obey, To Serve" The diary of an Old Guard Slave by V.M Johnson. (some of you in the leather community in the States might have heard of her.. she won many awards ) It was the most mind boggling book i have ever read.

i cannot do justice to her writings .. her impact on so many lives.............. BUT you can read more about her here at wikipedia or read her blog here........

Since i read her writings she has become a sort of inspiration to me to strive harder to please.. to be more graceful a submissive (for lack of a better term) and to go forth with confidence.

Training periods are just that.. periods of time in one's life. When they are finished one moves on...... (usually).... with confidence that what they have learned will be tweaked and honed and perfected by the next Dominant...........This time should never be seen as worthless...........

7 years of loving Him

July 29th....... a day that will go down in History.......

On this day in :

1848 - Niagara Falls - Completion of first suspension bridge over the Niagara Gorge

1873 - Quebec - First party of 285 Icelandic settlers bound for 'friendly' Manitoba reach Canada

1907 - London England - Lord Baden Powell forms the Boy Scouts with assistance from Canadian financier Lord Strathcona

1981 - La Prairie, Que, Alex Baumann sets his first world swimming record in the 200 metre Individual Medley

1985 - Montreal - Jacques Lemaire resigns as coach of the Montreal Canadiens

1992 - Canadians hold Sarajevo Airport for Humanitarian Flights


AND

2001 - Sir collared morningstar

7 Years of loving Him !!!

Garden porn

This blog can't always be about smut and pain and sensual arousal or cunts for that matter.. or complaining whining subbies you know !!!

Sometimes my life looks pretty much like everyone else's... cleaning... laundry... ironing... garbage... all the really fun stuff ........... ughhhhhhhhhhh...

BUT for those of you who are new around here.. i do love my gardens... my secret hideaway from all the pressures and stupidities of the world.. where i curl up under the big green umbrella on my wicker love seat.. with my books and read.. and listen to the squirrels playing and blue birds singing and the cardinals chattering (yes they chatter !!! especially when my cats are outside with me!!)

i even enjoy the work involved to keep the gardens looking their best...i do not however look my best when working in the garden.. no strappy sandals - but more functional shoes - yellow duckies and cuffs...


OHHHHH and to give credit where credit is due.. kat way out there in Friendly Manitoba did a blog about her garden .. and it made me realize i hadn't updated mine this summer.......... thanks for the gentle reminder kat !!!

something evil this way comes

Evil is always dark and scary......... right??

Can you make out the evil stick in the above picture???

That is pure evil...

i will put that stick up against any other toy known to man and see if you don't agree it is evil..

i will put my ass up against any one's ass with THAT evil stick and see if you don't agree..

It is evil - pure evil.

In fact... i believe it has magical properties...
For weeks / months even Sir hasn't gone near it........ last weekend Sir complained to me that He had not seen the "new" stick as He calls it (He doesn't know of it's evil properties.. only i truly know.. only i truly see it for what it is - E V I L )

Anyway.. i realized i hadn't seen the evil being for a while and went looking for it.. i found it.. hanging on the toy wall - innocently - with all the other toys.......

BUT you see .. this evil stick changes .. fits in to its environment...... and so Sir missed it..

i recognized it by the silver handle......... and being the good sub i am .. i reported back to Sir where the stick was..........

Yesterday Sir went and brought the evil stick upstairs..

Sir had me bend over the ottoman..

And Sir used that evil wicked nasty stick on my ass.. and on my sweet spot...

The pain that comes from this stick is nothing if not evil....... for 30 minutes Sir used that stick over and over on my ass and sweet spot.. and all i could feel was burning pain... there were no fairies.. there were no pretty lights.. there was nothing except that darkness that surrounds Evil............

DARKNESS i say !!!!

Finally Sir asked if i wanted it to end.......

i cried (damn that is all i seem to do these days)

i begged Him not to stop... i needed the endorphins.. even though they weren't appearing.. that evil stick doesn't seem to allow fairies or pretty lights or endorphins........

Thank god Sir went to the crop.. both crops.. Thank god Sir brought me up to the edge.. showed me the fun just over the edge.. and i stepped out.... and over..

ohhhhhh the evil stick came back to play .. for a little bit.... and i earned a good fucking and a marvelous soaking dripping flowing orgasm - for enduring the evil stick.......

And funny enough .. when i looked at the evil stick again.... afterwards... it was playing tricks again... not dark and evil.. but more sunshine ... lollipops and rainbows.......

done to death

i do believe i have done "cunts" to death.. and yeah yeah i know i only did 2 posts - but it seems to be one more post than was needed.. i should have stuck with my original proclamation of "Celebrate Cunt Day"

Though... to be honest... there appears to be a whole mess of folks out there that want to read about cunts cause my numbers went through the roof the last couple of days... or maybe it was just the juicy pictures i posted of cunts that brought in the readership..... who knows??

i do know though that now cunt day / week is over around here the numbers will go back down.. and thank the lord for that !!! The responsibility of keeping that many people entertained.. amused and aroused was getting to me !!!

So on to more mundane things.... like geez i have to clean the house today rather than spend my day drooling over naked cunts.. (oooooops right i wasn't gonna mention cunts today)

Yeah i have to clean - which explains why i am on here rambling about nothing much at all.. i don't much like cleaning.. though i do like it cleaned.. (ok ok this is sounding more and more like a summer rerun)

i have been thinking about stuff recently...... a whole mess of stuff.. mostly work based.. which probably means "my" summer vacation is drawing to a close - 3 more weeks then back i go.......



swan, Buffalo and i have talked more than once about friendships.. especially on line friendships and how the word "friend" is bandied about..... what makes a friend?? Does it happen overnight?? ever had someone walk into your life and you just know that person is gonna be your friend forever???

Lucky you.

i am not like that.. not even close.. i am selfish and eccentric - i like my alone time... i like my space. i am verging on being reclusive and i know it.. and i embrace it.. it is a choice i make. i am pretty damn sure when the day finally comes that i can retire.. i will be the happiest person on earth - because i can come home .. close the door.. and be by myself.

i have thought about this for some time now.. why is it i don't feel the need to have people around me.. have friends calling .. going out for coffee and dinner and social events with friends?? Maybe the reason is i spend much of my year surrounded by people.. chattering, nagging, crying, whining, begging, pouting people....... and it exhausts me.

Twenty some years ago when i first started out in the public school system.. i had a principal who was doing the yearly evaluation ... and i got high marks on everything except one thing......... diplomacy. He and i talked about that a lot.. and yeah i have improved vastly with my diplomacy skills - otherwise i probably wouldn't be doing the job i do today.......... BUT........ inside?? i am so not diplomatic. You beat your kid?? well stop it damn it.. just stop it.. You are the adult You make the choices .. so stop it !!! (i wouldn't get very far with that attitude would i?? )

Anyway.. getting back to friends.. they take work ..and i am lazy.. i don't like talking on the phone unless there is something to say.. i don't like writing emails for much the same reason.. i have something to say and you need to hear it.. i will write or call...

A friend for me is someone who knows all my faults and likes me because of them... and despite of them. A friend for me is someone who understands my reclusive nature and accepts it.. A friend for me is someone i can turn to when i really need to talk and know they will be there.. much the same as if they really needed to talk i would be there.. but all the crap in between?? not my style...

And so it is that i do not have a lot of friends.. i could probably count them on .. ummm.. 2 fingers.

Today i am asking myself why i feel the need to apologize for not having masses of friends or welcoming masses of people as my friend...... these web sites that allow you to add a friend........ add a friend?? half the people who make that request of me i don't even know !!! geeeeez.. couldn't they find a better term than 'friend'??

Someone told me the other day that i was fun.. care free.. self confident.. and i honestly wondered who they were describing... cause you know what?? that just isn't me. Oh i can be a damn good hostess when i need to be.. i can laugh and play with the best of them.. and then can't wait to run home .. close the door.. and shut the world out.

i want / need to set the record straight here.. i am just like everyone else out there.. i have my doubts.. my insecurities.. my 'baggage'.. my crap from childhood.. just like everyone else....... BUT i made a deal with myself a long long time ago that i was gonna be this tough old bird....... who faced life head on.. cause i learned at a really young age.. ain't no one gonna be there forever for you....... only you......... so you had better become best friends with yourself.

And so i became my best friend........... and (you gotta know this one is coming) my cunt is my best friend too.. we share so much together... intimate moments with the vibrator that no one else can equal (well ok ok.. Sir can not only equal it but surpass it - but that doesn't count) i once told my daughter to forget about men pleasing her sexually - she should learn to please herself first.. get to know her cunt !!! i did.. and it was the best damn friend i ever made.......

And now for sure. .cunt week is done to death...... for me.........

cunts part 2 - graphic content !!

i honestly hadn't expected to be talking about cunts again today....... though it does seem to be the topic of conversation around the blogger world this week....... so in keeping with kaya’s declaration of this being Cunt Week... and swan’s interesting discussion on fisting.... AND because Sir dropped by yesterday with a diabolic plan....... let's do "cunts part 2"








Ok .. my own personal dilemma actually started when i read swan's blog about fisting....... i have never ever been able to be fisted - something i long for........ so i posted the question 'is it possible that a woman can be too small to be fisted?'.....and had a wonderful response from swan and kaya........ something to mull over so to speak.

Then........... Sir dropped by for dinner (before heading off to a meeting) and as my ass muscle is still a bit achy .. He decided that a good fucking was in order rather than another whooping. Now... not to go into personal TMI stuff.. suffice it to say that Sir decided to go and find Willy - my dildo. (now personally i prefer a nice vibrator - but Sir was going for the dildo - so who am i to argue with a plan??!!)

AND it has been a very VERY long time since Willy was shoved into my cunt.. gracefully or ungracefully. Today was an ungraceful day.. it was a bend over .. spread your legs.. in it goes day. Only thing was it hurt... it hurt something awful.. it felt as though i was virgin again.. the damn thing also felt like it was gonna push right out my belly button !! (trust me not a particularly nice feeling)

i wiggled ... i adjusted.. i pleaded for mercy.. for time to breath.. i begged for it to be taken out........

Sir took it out long enough to ram it right back in........ out and in .. in and out.. i was dripping wet but the damn thing was still banging against the cervix trying its damnedest to come out the belly button. It took some.... ummmm.. how shall i put this.. twiddling on Sir's part.. for me to relax enough to actually enjoy being fucked by Willy......... and yeah i had two mind blowing orgasms.........

Once it was over.. Willie was set in a place of honour on Sir's table - for me to look at.. no matter how hard i tried not to look at it. (It just seems weird to have a penis sitting straight up in the middle of the living room). i made a joke or two about feeling like a virgin.. especially when i went to pee ......... god it hurt .. and god my cunt was stretched !!!

And so after Sir went to His meeting.. i decided i needed to learn a little something about cunts....

so i googled cunt....... and got all sorts of comforting information.... starting with:

the average cunt (but they used vagina) is 3 - 4 inches from tip to cervix when it is not sexually aroused. However during arousal blood flows to the area and causes the upper two thirds to lengthen by forcing the cervix and the uterus to ascend.

Then it went on to say that a cunt is much like a balloon with no air in it.. closed tight.. but add air and it will swell and grow........ (air being the sexual arousal and blood flow - not actually air !!!)

So that has left me thinking that maybe i can really truly be fisted....... i just need to be so damn horny that my cunt is pounding with all that blood flow.... and maybe it would help if i was also flying high with my fairies and not tensed up.. and probably would help if Sir used a fair amount of lube.......... but hey........ who knows maybe there is hope for me yet??!!

And while we are on the subject of arousing cunts........ wouldn't this be something to brag about taking??


i think THAT brute may even beat kaya's candle hands down !!!

cunt anyone??

ok.. now that i have your attention......

After yesterday's rather heavy discussion on processing pain...... i figured it was way past time to lighten things up around here.........



First of all - and don't ask me why - i decided to look at some cunt pictures.. there are so many different sizes and shapes.. shaven and non shaven

There are roundish ones.......



And there are elongated ones....


check out the size of the clit...........


This one has to be my personal favourite ............




Now as you all know by now - whether you wanted to know it or not... i always shave my cunt and keep it as naked as the day i was born............ but there are a whole mess of women who don't .. and a whole mess of men that enjoy a nice thick tidy bush.........









On one of my surfing expeditions ..... i found this web site from France that sells erotic/sensual undergarments (for lack of a better word)........

So from naked cunts i take you to the well-dressed cunt...........






And if they aren't sexy enough for you........ how about a seashell with a little added extra for the wearer's enjoyment??








Now if we take a little hop skip and a jump across the English Channel..... the British have something called "Merkin's World". They don't sell sexy lingerie.. no no .. something quite different....... and i can't help but say.. trust the British (and don't yell at me .. i AM British)

They sell wigs for cunts....... wigs !!!

Here's a sampling of what they have.. and what they look like.. you can - should you be so inclined - design your own !!!!



Inquiring minds want to know.. how do they keep those lil wigs in place?? glue??? double sided tape??? can i say OUCH??!!

i don't know.. there is something about the last 'wig' that appeals to me.. god can you imagine Sir's face when He discovered THAT covering my cunt???

So many cunts - so many different sizes and shapes and colours ........ and so many different ways to decorate them.......... we should have a celebrate the cunt day !!!

A Session

i know that i talk a lot - especially on Mondays - about the weekend sessions.... i don't get a lot of feed back - but according to my counter - i do get a lot of hits on Mondays ............ This Monday isn't going to be much different........ talk about a session..........

What is different though is how i processed this session............

After the pins and needles session Saturday afternoon... on Saturday evening...... Sir gave me a flogging session.... ( i never really know what to call them as He doesn't always use floggers - but you get the idea)....

i was ordered over the ottoman and Sir started with the crop....... my mindset was just weird........ i was so quiet inside.. so quiet it was like i was dead...

Sir started off slowly - really nicely........ and sped up pretty damn quickly...... i was holding my head in my hands and had all these really weird / strange / wonderful / sick ideas running through my addled brain.........

First off ..... i realized that Sir wasn't hurting me.. not even a little bit.. didn't matter how hard He was hitting.. or what He was using to hit.. it just wasn't registering as pain........ i had been .. stressed and upset .. during the week.. and it was like all those negative feelings had piled up in my gut and were hurting me more than Sir was........ in some weird / strange / sick way.. i wanted Sir to hurt me more than i was hurting inside........

Then i realized i wanted Sir to bruise me.. i wanted it more than anything on earth..... and i have been harbouring this secret belief that if i didn't move.. if i didn't make a sound to alter Sir's perception of how the session was going that He would hit harder and longer and some how or other i would be bruised...... even through a brutal paddling with the big wooden paddle i didn't utter a sound.. i did collapse a couple of times from the sheer force of the hit...... but i went right back into position and let Sir go on with it............

And then .. i realized that if Sir kept hitting me harder and harder and longer and longer that it meant He truly loved me (now i have to say this right now...... i KNOW Sir loves me.. just sometimes i need physical proof of the depth of His love - can He hurt me enough to show me He loves me - sort of thing and yeah yeah i know that probably sounds REALLY sick to some of you......... but others who have claimed love couldn't give me the pain my body and mind craves once they had declared their love)



At the end of it.. i wasn't flying.. i was a bit dizzy... and a bit weepy..... my ass hurt more than words can describe........ i went really deep inside of myself..and couldn't / wouldn't talk about anything....... i finally gave up trying to be good company and went off to bed......

Sunday morning i almost couldn't wait to check my ass out in the mirror.. could i possibly be bruised?????? my ass was still hurting something awful....... way more than i ever thought possible...........

i looked..

i checked right and left

and there wasn't one mark.

and i cried.

Actually i did a lot of crying on Sunday...... and Sir was there to hold me and rock me and whisper all the right words in my ear............

i do though have a sore muscle .. a really sore muscle... that runs from mid ass check almost straight down to the sweet spot under the ass cheek.. no mark .. but damn does that muscle hurt !!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small announcement.......

i know some of you have read with interest my dabbling in domming on the Yes Miss blog. On Sunday afternoon baby boy came over for a visit - and after a long chat i released him. i am not a domme.. not even a little bit of one........ deep inside. Oh i can do all the right things... i can spank and i can crop and i can do CBT.. and i discovered i can even humiliate.. but it never really felt right .. inside.. where it counts.

So the Yes Miss Blog has gone the way of the dodo bird and the dinosaurs and all other extinct beings.

There will only be one Dominant in this house from now on ....... and that is Sir.

pins and needles

Many long years ago - eons really - i used to sew - i hated it !! So much so that today i struggle with the thought of even sewing on a button !!!

BUT back in the days when i did sew i always had pins.. wheels of pins handy by my side... these were my favourite ones -



because they were relatively easy to pull out.. IF i remembered to shove them back in they didn't get lost... AND .. they had such pretty colours !!!

Sir knows of my total dislike for sewing....... and so imagine my surprise on Friday when He arrived with a "present" for me... a brand new set of sewing pins !!! i could NOT imagine what in god's name He wanted me to sew.. but i could feel the old reaction bubbling up to the surface.. the foot stamping.. stomach tightening.. "i don't wanna !!!" feeling.

Nothing much was said in regards to them....... they just sat on the front table haunting me every time i walked past.............

Then on Saturday afternoon Sir disappeared into the basement for a bit.......... when He reappeared He was holding two of the pin wheels.......... He had drilled out the middle hole.. making it bigger..............

Sir had me remove my tshirt....... and with some tugging and pinching He managed to secure one of the rings over my nipple............ my stomach had sunk about as far as it could go !!! i glanced down and saw all the pretty coloured heads of the pins sticking out..... i watched as Sir's hand started to methodically push the pins in to the circle...... and ultimately into my nipple.................. MY NIPPLE !!!! my absolute no way don't touch unless i am in the mood nipple !!!!

i don't remember even having the strength to object......... that happens sometimes to me when i am totally and completely overwhelmed by the sadistic nature of the man i call Sir..

While i was coming to terms with having my nipple impaled on this ring of pins......... He was pulling the next nipple out and through the next ring of pins..... Same procedure.. all the pins were sticking out.. then i watched as He methodically pushed each pin in.. all the way.............

There are times that i am totally and completely mesmerized by what Sir does to my body.. and how my body reacts to the treatment............

i wasn't given a whole lot of time to adjust to the fact that my nipples were being pierced... cause Sir wasn't finished. He spread out the plastic on the floor and lit the candle......

i tried to wiggle out of the waxing totally....... didn't work.

i tried to convince Sir that i should like on my back........... didn't work.

Sir wanted me on my stomach with the pin wheels and nipples pressed against the floor............

It started off with my hands holding my upper body somewhat off the floor - so that the pin wheels just kinda dangled there........ self protection is an automatic reflex - i believe.

BUT then Sir had lit the black waxing candle..

And Sir had sat down cross legged on the floor beside me (no chance of cooling the wax drips from standing height - no sireee bob !!! This waxing was gonna be down and dirty!!)



The first stream of hot wax ran down my ass.. over the tops of my thighs and had me gasping in pain......... Sir pulled my ass crack open and aimed the next stream of hot (molten hot - i swear ) wax down the crack........ my muscles clenched - and oh dear god i discovered the peach fuzz i have in my ass crack - that i never shave - was now receiving hot wax treatment............ those ass muscles stayed clenched.. cause the slightest loosening of them had peach fuzz hair being pulled out cruelly from one side (at least)........

Then the knife came out and the wax was being shaved off my ass.. and thighs..........Some time around this point i realized my nipples were burning / hurting / screaming at me.. i looked down.......... Somewhere around the second stream of wax - i had given up - forgotten about the pin wheel on each nipple and had collapsed down on to the floor - pushing the pins/nipples in deeper....... rubbing them around as i wiggled on the floor trying to extinguish the burning in my ass.......................

Sometimes i am really truly amazed at how sadistic Sir can be............

And He has promised to take the third wheel home and widen the middle hole large enough to accomodate my clit and clit jewelry..............

i have a badge that Sir bought me once - a long time ago - the wording seems rather appropriate .................

Bamboozled

After a month of vanilla wedding plans........ and other miscellaneous happenings.. we finally touched base with our friend Cloud yesterday for a renewal of our Friday coffee klatch.

After catching up on each others' news.. Cloud announced He was going to town for a cocktail party hosted by Lady A. He convinced Sir that we should come too... after all 'bb' the submissive who had invited Cloud had said how much they enjoyed having "older Dominants" attend their cocktail parties.......

OK STOP RIGHT THERE !!! Think that should have told US all something??

Well it didn't...

So we picked Cloud up at 9:30 and headed into town.. to the Skye Club ... where this cocktail party was happening......... i was wondering about a cocktail party at the Skye - i had been to Skye many times about 10 years back... it is in the gay village and my memories involved loud .. louder.. loudest music.. lots of buff boys..... not too many girls... and lots of steamy necking and fondling in the corners..........but far be it from me - a lowly submissive to point out some discrepancies i was seeing in this evening's outing.

We arrived in town - actually found a parking space only a 5 minute walk from the club - and wondered through the village. i have to say it brought back some fond memories - but that isn't for today's blog.......

The Skye used to be this windowed .. modern... happening club...... it is now a complete complex (if you check the link above you will see what i mean) each of the areas was packed to overflowing. Sir turned to Cloud and asked exactly where this cocktail party was... Cloud said - with the confidence only a Dom can have - 1474 St Catharine. Right.. Sir and Cloud (with my trailing behind them) started to walk around the club.. which was packed with buff boys - a few more women than i expected - and lots of loud .. louder.. loudest music with flashing lights. Finally i touched Cloud's arm and asked what 'bb' looked like........... ohhhhhhh boy .. hair to the chin and dark rimmed glasses. That's it??!! That's all he could give me.. that description fit almost every female in the place....

i gave up following like a lamb to the slaughter and grabbed one of the buff cute lil waitors.. and explained our predicament. He had no clue about any cocktail party but suggested we try around the back of the club where there were more areas set up...........

Slowly we maneuvered our way to the back.. through buff bodies dancing.. buff bodies hanging around.. buff bodies drinking...weird angled steps and flashing lights that nearly sent me ass over tea kettle.. (of course if i had kept my eyes on where i was going instead of on all those buff lil boys)

Till we arrived at the back of the club where there were some sofas set up in a circle with a table in the middle... i studied the group for a good few minutes.. and decided if we were actually gonna find this cocktail party - seeing as Cloud had NO idea who/what we were looking for - someone was gonna have to start asking around.........

So being the brattylocks i can be.. i marched up to this blond short haired woman standing in the middle of the circle of sofas and asked if she was ....... by any chance.. involved in the cocktail party organized by Lady A........ YES !!! in fact she was 'bb'....... i rolled my eyes at Cloud who needed an introduction................ a few switches/submissives that were there wiggled their fingers at me.. and i made the rounds greeting folks who knew me from this event or that event.. but who - i honestly - didn't remember at all........

Turns out i found another 2 'friends' of Cloud - and once again i felt like i should introduce them...... Cloud seemed to be..... ummmmmm.. in a cloud???!!!

After the few introductions were done.. Sir and Cloud and i plunked ourselves on one of the sofas and smiled and nodded a lot......... i said i felt like a chaperon at the high school dance...........in other words - very very OLD..........

Twenty minutes later over the loud louder loudest music.. Sir and Cloud asked if i was ready to slip away........ slip away?? i was ready to run........................

So we old folks headed back to the burbs for a coffee.......... and left the young 'uns to play.........

What was i saying about the need for a BDSM old folks home a few days back???

weekly tasks

Most of us have tasks we complete for our Masters/Sirs - whatevers... mundane daily/weekly tasks. i am no different.. i have my daily journal entry that is supposed to be in Sir's email box by 7:30 each morning (though i must admit i have been pushing the limits on that one since i discovered i can actually sleep in) i must keep the house tidy and reasonably clean (though that would happen even if it wasn't assigned as i am a bit obsessive over tidiness)
AND the biggy..... i am supposed to shave my entire body - pink bits included on Friday.

Now Sir used to shave me every Friday soon after He arrived - but for some reason that ritual has fallen by the wayside (like so many - see me pout??) So the task has fallen to me....




Now don't get me wrong.. i LOVE being all smooth and pink ..... but i don't much like the shaving bit....

First i tried shaving in the shower.. foot up on the edge of the tub.. but that didn't work all that well as i couldn't really see what i was doing....

Then i discovered it was much easier to slap on the shaving cream in front of the bathroom mirror... and if i spread my legs just so.. and tilted my pelvis just right.. i could sort of .. kind of.. see what i was doing......

Now i have a new bathroom.. and the big ugly mirror that was only good for shaving is gone..... and i am back to shaving blind......

Then i used to get all this ugly unsightly shaving rash .. red bumpy things that sprung up almost instantaneously after shaving...... Sir read somewhere that Gold Bond medicated powder would work.. and it does !! No shaving bumps.. but god does it burn !!! cold burn.. know what i mean?? so hot it feels freezing cold.........



Anyway.. the whole point to this .. is... this morning i wasn't much in the mood for shaving.. BUT it is Friday...... sooooooo i got out the shaving apparel and set to it....... the next thing i know (cause at that point i sure didn't feel it) i had blood trickling down my leg.
OH MY GOD !!! i had put in a new blade and completely forgotten !!! i had managed to shave off a layer or two of skin in not one.. not two .. but three different areas !!! OUCH !!

Now i am sitting at the computer desk - with the Gold Bond powder on.. legs spread wide in front of the fan....... hoping that the damn bleeding will stop so that i can actually put some clothes on !!! (yeah yeah i know.. submissives don't actually HAVE to wear clothes)

There has got to be a better way...... there has to be !!!

on fixing hurts

Remember my screwed up knee from way back in April?? i had just about given up all hope of ever getting full use of it again - especially after the last visit to the Doctor when she felt the bump (torn tendon) had not improved at all and talked about "permanent disabilities" and "physio therapy and occupational therapy"

Sometime in the last 3 weeks .. i stood up .. or moved .. i honestly don't remember what i was doing.. when the knee cracked - much like cracking your finger joints.. it kinda hurt .. or maybe it just felt funny...... i didn't give it much thought........

Then just before the wedding i noticed that the bump on the knee seemed smaller and hoped it wasn't just my imagination......... The day of the wedding i actually wore my "wedding strappy sandals" and my knee didn't give out once !!!

Then on Tuesday i decided it was wayyyyyyyy past time to clean out the fridge (there was this interesting odor emanating from it every time i opened the door) and suddenly realized i was down on my hands and knees washing the bottom shelf.. crawling around like the accident and bump never happened... (i almost danced a jig)

Well yesterday i went to see the doctor........... and yup.. you guessed it.. the knee is totally and completely fixed !!!! 99.9% normal........ (hey .. i am an old lady i wasn't even dreaming of 100%) No bump.. no permanent disability......... nothing !!! The doc sat there looking at me and told me i really amazed her.. my energy levels .. my ability to heal ... guess i am that tough old bird i keep telling Sir i am !!!

And so now the knee is fixed.. i still have 4 long summer weeks stretching ahead of me.... and a Sir who has been sadly neglected for so long i am ashamed to admit it....... i have plans.. oooooops am i supposed to make plans??!! (to hell with it i did and i am ) for a weekend of graceful submissiveness.. with me kneeling and crawling and getting naked.. yup yup yup.. and then Sir can do what He wishes with this naked crawling 99.9% fixed subbie..........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i know it's early....... but i was struck with inspiration in the hot summer sun today.. and have written another story for The Fictional Journey..... enjoy !!!

On the decline of manners

i know i have written some words on manners and social skills before today - mainly because when i googled a picture for Miss Manners .. the search words were already there.. BUT it is something that has been on my mind for a month or so....... so here we go again.

i think, in a past life, i must have lived during a time when social skills and manners were respected and honored... (either that or being raised - partially - by a Victorian grandmother altered my perceptions of how things should be)........ either way....... i am disappointed by the state of the universe's etiquette.

This total lack of manners is manifesting itself in all forms of daily living........ road rage .. pushing in front of people in line.. service orientated people who have NO idea how to serve with grace and style.....monopolizing conversations......no thank yous for gifts or acts of kindness...... no holding doors for the person behind you.. the list goes on and on ... ad nauseum.

And god... don't get me started on R.S.V.P.'s ........ i just went through a month of wedding activities - from bridal showers - to bridal teas - to the wedding itself.. and i was shocked !!! at how many people did not see the need to R.S.V.P. Sir and i have experienced that when we were trying to organise munches or play parties... BUT weddings?? !!!

i honestly think i would like to go back in time.. to a more gentile era.. to an era of manners and social skills....... at times i feel so out of place in this era........

When i first started 'dabbling' in BDSM....... etiquette was strictly enforced... people's privacy was respected. You didn't just log on to any computer punch in BDSM (enter city of choice) et voila a whole mess of people willing and able to show you the ropes.

Nope that's not how it worked when i first started......... i used to think that one just kinda stumbled onto the BDSM scene. There were no advertisements for play parties...... no public munches. There were quiet formal dinner parties by invitation only. There were underground clubs but again by invitation only. You met someone who knew someone who knew someone else....... and you had to have a 'sponsor' to attend any of the above activities.

And the rules and protocols one had to follow !!! They make the rules of today look like child's play. Take the hanky code for example.... i wonder if i would have ever gotten it all straight.. if the hanky was in the left pocket it meant Dominant and right would mean submissive.... then there were the colours.. black meaning whipping.. blue meaning fucking.. etc etc.. If you want to read more about the history of the Hanky code .. click here

Even when i first started dabbling one could tell who was Dominant and who was submissive by the way they dressed. The submissive wore a collar and the Dominant did not. Today?? god everyone wears collars if they think it looks cool ?!? And the leash code/rule - one i rather enjoyed because it made life simple (actually most rules make life simpler in the long run) .. the leash rule was usually used in public venues..... if the submissive had the leash in his/her mouth - it meant they were not allowed to speak...... if the Dominant was holding the leash - then permission must be given to speak to the submissive....... It was all so simple then.

And there was code of silence...... what happened at a party or dinner stayed there. It was never talked about in mixed company! People's reputations were protected. You felt safe when you left a party... knowing that people would respect the no talk rule.

Today that has changed too.............everyone gets so wrapped up in what they see and do that they can't wait to tell their neighbours and friends. A good example was a private intimate play party that Sir and i attended about 5 years ago. A woman arrived - uninvited - with someone who was invited. Ok .. not so bad.....at least she was with someone who was invited. It turned out i knew this woman from work......... a week later i received a phone call that this woman had told someone who told someone else (about me being at the party) and the next thing i knew it was being talked about at kid's soccer game at my school !!!!!!!!!!! In the old days this would never have happened.. or there would have been consequences for the Dominant who brought her.. as well as for her.. They would have been ostracized from future parties.. and the Dominant would have received a lecture about the safety and anonymity of party guests.

Today people tend to shrug their shoulders and the attitude says quite clearly "sucks to be you"......

yes i miss the old days...... which probably makes me sound very old to the youngsters that are now the new life in the BDSM community... maybe i am too old.. too prickly.. too set in my ways.......... but i rather liked the protocols and rules that kept us all safe.........

If i ruled the world.......

Did you all think i had forgotten the questions?? well i haven't.. i have been keeping them for dry days....... when i am brain dead (and no smart ass remarks are necessary over that one!!!)

And so the next question....... actually two questions.. in my feeble mind .. they are kind of the same.. so i will answer them together..........
Are there things your Sir does, or makes you do, that just does not coincide with your expectation of what bdsm is "supposed" to be? If you were in charge, what would be different about your bdsm life?

To be honest - brutally honest - i would say the main thing Sir does that does not coincide with my expectations of BDSM is that as much as He is a sadist..... He is also a G.O.S. (good old Sir) ...........

He often times gives into my moods.. my ..... my.......i don't know what to call it........ but often times i feel He lets me get away with things.. lets me be a brattylocks.. or stubborn subbie....

Often times i would like to feel His hand holding tight to the chains..... pulling me back.. focusing me.. BUT on the other hand.. He also says i have been trained to do what He likes and He shouldn't have to tighten anything i should be doing it willingly and freely........ sighhhhhhhh.. but i do miss the tone He used when He trained me.. the tight hold He had over my life when He was training me.. i do !!!

He wants a graceful submissive........ but it just isn't that easy to be that........ cause sometimes i feel like i am subbing in a vacuum..... know what i mean??? where i am doing all the right things and they aren't being acknowledged........ He is just doing His thing.. and i am all "yes Sir .. no Sir...... 3 bags full Sir" and i feel like i am alone in this BDSM thingy............

NOW............ if i ruled the world...... what would be different??? Easy answer cause it is something i fantasize about a lot of the time.........

i would have a community (literally and figuratively) that was ONLY BDSM.. like a gated community..... only it would be self contained..

Everyone living here would be actively living BDSM........ so the slaves/subs could go out shopping in chains and fet wear and not raise an eyebrow....... Dominants would walk around with crops or whips or whatever they liked hanging from their belt........... subs could crawl or kneel in public and no one would think a thing of it...... subs could be made to expose themselves to others at their Master's whim without hesitation.......

Subs could be hung from the trees.. or flogged in the square..
Where dinner parties would have naked slaves serving at long wooden tables with the Dominants seated ...... where after dinner entertainment would involve whips and chains and pain .......oh yeahhhhhhhhh

There would be dorms for single subs.. and Houses for single Dominants.. and a mayor elected not for the size of his cock .. or for his talking the talk.. but for his ability to understand and appreciate all the various styles of BDSM.. for His knowledge and compassion .. experience.

Oh there would be committees to oversee all sorts of things.. from public events.. to handling the vanilla world outside the gates.. to investigating complaints against Doms.. subs.. etc..........

AND there would be an old folks home for aging Dominants and submissives....... with a big wide porch to sit on.. with rocking chairs ......... and maybe a dildo or two set into one or two of the rockers .. so the aging submissives could still enjoy some sensual titillation......

IF i ruled the world....................

The Story of brattylocks..

Once upon a time.. in a far away land .. lived brattylocks. She was the cutest lil subbie you ever did see!! She was very very good at everything she did.. especially at being bad !!









One Saturday afternoon........ brattylocks offered up a challenge to her "Poppa Bear".........in a cheeky voice with an added wiggle of her bum.. she suggested (very politely of course!!) that the next day - when all was quiet around the old cottage that He might be interested in beating her ass and giving her a good fucking............ "Poppa Bear" just laughed..........

However .. when Sunday dawned hot and humid.. "Poppa Bear" decided - around mid afternoon - that perhaps a beating was over due........ so He ordered brattylocks over the ottoman in the front room..........

Brattylocks - you must understand - was by now - completely out of the mood for a beating... all she wanted was to snuggle in the big comfy chair and dream away the day........ BUT "Poppa Bear" was insistent.......... so over the ottoman brattylocks went.......

First "Poppa Bear" used the crop.................

and brattylocks was heard to yelp - "OHHHHHHHHHHHH "Poppa Bear" that is too hard"..........



So "Poppa Bear" tried the leather strap.............................



and brattylocks was heard to yelp - "OHHHHHHHHHHHHH "Poppa Bear" that is tooooooo soft".............


Then "Poppa Bear" tried the wooden paddle .....................




and brattylocks was heard to moan - "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Poppa Bear" that is JUST right".....

And so the paddle was used until brattylocks was under control and then "Poppa Bear went back to the crop and the strap......... and continued until brattylocks' ass was bright red.. good and hot.. and she was relaxed and sleepy............

And Poppa Bear gave her a big hug........ and snuggled her into the big comfy chair...

And they lived happily ever after..................................
or until the next time brattylocks needed a good beating................ (which ever came first)

Today........

These past few days i have been taking my own walk down memory lane.... remembering 26 years of laughter, tears, scrapes, bruises, hugs and love.............



My baby is walking down the aisle today........ i didn't honestly think it would tug at my heart strings as much as it is....... After all... she has been with her husband to be for 8+ years.. and has 2 sweet lil boys with him..... It kinda seemed old hat - this marriage business... and yet on Wednesday when i sat with her and selected the music to be played during the service i found myself tearing up...... and yesterday watching her during the rehearsal... seeing the love in her eyes... watching them hold hands....... the tears all but overwhelmed me..



My baby is grown up....... the baby i held in my arms.. the daughter .. has grown up to be a friend......



And so i am off to slip into my strappy sandals...and walk my baby down the aisle with her father......... kleenix at the ready.........

On Growing older

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance

i received the above line in an email today - some email chain letter thingy that i generally dump without reading.... BUT .. that line.. the last line in the email kinda .. sorta .. jumped out at me....

It made me think.... how often do we grumble and stumble cause this isn't what we were expecting from life??? (include stamp of foot with this one) and how it just isn't fair?? How often do we wander back down memory's lane and whine and complain cause if only we were younger. .if only we hadn't.. if we could just ....

i am as guilty as the next person with my what ifs and should haves and could haves... and god they are dragging me kicking and screaming into middle age (ok ok.. maybe just a tad beyond middle age) ......

i look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back at me... sometimes i swear it is my mother...... and what the devil is she doing in MY mirror??!!! where the hell is the youthful woman i know inside my head...

and other times when the bones creak and the knees crackle and the body just complains (loudly) i get a little sad that life is this much over.......... and i moan about how much of my life i have wasted....

Then i stop... pull myself up by the boot straps .. slap myself upside the head.. and remind myself that without all that went before ...... i would NOT be the person i am today! and know what?? i rather like the person i am today...... grumpy and cranky.. sexy and sensual.. playful and naughty.. happy bright and joyful.. sad and moody.....

i have my scars ... and i gently caress them .. reminding myself they are badges of honour ... in many ways.. of what life has dealt me and how i have managed to endure .. and move on.. and grow .. and best of all ....... LOVE...

And so i think .. i will keep on dancing as fast as i can.....

cause another little saying that hangs on my office wall says:

We do not quit playing because we grow old...... we grow old because we quit playing.

to shave or not to shave

(with my apologies to Mr. Shakespeare)
to shave or not to shave that is the question!!



















i was first shaved some 30 odd years ago prior to surgery.......... and i loved it.. especially in the heat of the summer. And so i have remained clean shaven for the most part... right up to this day.

Now i shave or am shaved because it pleases Sir as much as it pleases myself.. the other factor is my clit jewelry - from time to time Sir will order me to display it to other folks (in the lifestyle !!) and i wouldn't want to have to hunt for it in a wilderness of hair.

BUT having said that...... there are times that i wonder about the psychology of this contentment i feel at being as naked of hair as the day i was born.

i have spent some time wondering if this is healthy....... am i .. in some weird subconscious way ... trying to escape back to my childhood. God forbid - am i looking for a 'daddy' figure??? age play??? and i would answer quite truthfully - not even close !! i just really like the feel of it.. the absolute availability of it..the exposure of it.

A few days ago i got into a discussion with another female about shaving. (she doesn't) and she equates it with feeling feminine. (Now before anyone jumps all over me.. i respect her feelings and her opinions.......but it got me to thinking)

Could it be possible that women who don't shave are actually hiding their sexual femininity?? are they feeling repressed sexually?? not wanting to admit to being a sexual being??

Could it be possible that women who do shave are less sexually inhibited.. more in tune to their bodies needs/wants/desires... that they are proud of their bodies and their sexuality and are willing to show it off (not literally - for heaven's sakes!! i mean figuratively !!)

Oh welllllll it is a bit like the debate of how many angels can dance on a head of a pin.... i don't expect any right or wrong answers...... it's just something i am musing over as i lay in the sun and soak up the joy of summer vacation and end of renovations......... and charge the batteries before the wedding (4 more days)