Shocking!

I have a healthy (maybe irrational) fear of electricity - and any and all electric play.  Tens Units and Violet wands have been on my HARD limit list for ever!

Friday evening as we were all getting ready to head to the dungeon to play... my hard limits were being reviewed........ and I interrupted to say - I might like to try the tens unit - maybe - heart pounding - stomach turning - legs ready to flee.  The Top looked - I am not sure - amused?? pleased???  

And then as they were setting up another hard limit came up -- "no hands around the neck right?? no breath play"  And again - stomach turning - heart pounding - legs ready to flee - I answered - a low stammering "maybe I would like to try "

They were good - no - better than good!  Instead of scaring the subbie to death... each implement with the tens unit was brought out - explained - used on his arm - then on mine (I jumped sky high with each test btw) .......... until they brought out the metal toys... with a look of glee on their faces.

The metal toys fascinated me (shiny - ohhhhhhh it's shiny) and I discovered the metal toys didn't make that distinct hissing electrical sound...... they just got to work.. and oh my god - on my arm - I LOVED it!! 

It was seconds later I was stripped naked - lying on the table holding some cylinder that was needed to complete the circuit and it began.  I held my breath at first as he gently ran the wheel up and down my leg... then as I calmed down - up and down my belly.... 

There came a point that I wanted more and I asked for the intensity to be turned up...
and yet again "more please"... I was loving it.. I murmured it feels just like a knife!!  (and I LOVE knives)

At some point he climbed up on the table behind me and pulled me upright - fitting me into the mold of his body and he did indeed have a knife in his hand.. and it began tracing patterns up and down my belly

Then his hand pushed me forward - so my belly was pressed against the table exposing my back - and the knife worked patterns up and down my back - just barely sliding into the crack of my bum... then back up - each time sending shivers through my entire body - and I was moaning softly in my throat.

He pulled me upright - back into the mold of his body - and his hand stroked the back of my neck - sliding gently sensually around to the front.. barely touching - stroking....... softly gently slowly tightening - not too much - just right.. and the knife continued to trace patterns - and his mouth against my ear kept murmuring encouraging words "good girl" "amazing" "proud of you"... and my body relaxed into his ...... joining with his.. fear disappearing...

Hand over my mouth and nose - near panic - but then I felt the knife again - digging into my flesh - goose bumps rising - heat building in my gut and the hand around my neck - the whispered words in my ear almost forgotten.......

and the long forgotten fairies danced around and called to me... 

His arms held me grounded ... his words continued - he stroked and talked and praised until I was safely back in the here and now.............glowing ... happy.. contented.

SUPER DOM!!

I now have a glow in the dark SUPER Dom!!!  I do !  I do !!

Let me explain.............

Yesterday W had a heart test that involved injecting him with radioactive material - which of course makes him glow in the dark right?? Right!  

And then, after lunch, He decided to try out his new SUPER Dom skills.. so he sent me to fetch a couple of toys to play with........... being a good subbie (and only because I am a good subbie - nothing to do with eagerness - nope no way.. just good subbie) I ran walked upstairs and pulled out the toy bag and selected a flogger, a whip and a paddle.

Then W went to work on my poor lil ass.  His super skills were put to the test with first the flogger, then the whip.  W tried the paddle once or twice but it didn't appeal to him.  I remember repeatedly saying "fuck a duck" which gave me a fit of the giggles. Finally  Super Dom collapsed on the floor beside me -  and asked if the fairies were playing.  It had been so long since my fairies came to play - I was thrilled to tell him that yes indeed the fairies had arrived and were dancing around the little "fuck a duck" (cheeky grin)

I could most definitely get used to this retirement thing!!

words are all I have

I kept thinking yesterday that my "Monday Morning Report" sounded (to my ears) stilted - stiff - not at all like me........... 

BUT it is next to impossible, to describe in words, the feelings that crash over my body when W plays with me........ 

and it  frustrates me - me the woman with words overflowing - that I can NOT find any word that describes the joy - the pain - the pleasure from W's whips and floggers and quirts and paddles and canes.  Cannot find the word to open up my world to your eyes - to your emotions - to have you feel the sheer joy I feel.

Not even to another masochist ........... 

Not even to another sadist........... 

These sessions are so intense - so primal - so within ME - that there are no words to clearly paint the picture of the joy .. the love ... the contentment.

Uniquely painful

On January 1st W got a birthday present from kinky friends.  You can read about it  and see some good photos of it here......

But because of the monstrous bug I have been dealing with ..... the new flogger has been sitting waiting.......... until this weekend.

When I knelt over the ottoman late Saturday afternoon and lifted my eyes,.....This is what I saw draped over the edge of the toy bag...... glinting in the  light...

waiting for me... waiting for W...


I lowered my head and waited........... through the blue rose paddle, the braided leather 3 fall flogger, the vegan whip and the circus whip.......... 30 minutes of excruciatingly exquisite pain.

And then his voice spoke in my ear "are you ready ??" I couldn't catch my breath - I was afraid to answer - yet knew I HAD to answer... 


I nodded.


And so it began............. silver metal tips biting into my ass... hurting beyond hurt....

When it was over - and I had conquered yet another vicious toy...... my ass pounded - the blood pounded in my ears... it felt wonderful.


A few hours later I was knelt over the ottoman again....... and yet again I felt the floggers and canes and paddles and finally ...... the silver tipped dragon.... pounding into my ass... I could barely breath....... the pain filled me completely - there was nothing in my mind but an abiding deep darkness and the pain.......... 


The new toy left strange marks......... no bruising no blood - (well almost no blood) but strange white spots...........

Sunday morning W tried again...... I wasn't sure if I could take a third session but oh my god I was more than willing to try.......... 

I had no bruises - no marks one could see...... but I could feel - inside - the tenderness - the raw exposed nerves......... but still I wanted to try .. 3 sessions in two days would be a record......... 

But after only a few minutes I had to stop it.. it was more than I could take... and I cried... and W comforted....... 

The adrenaline had flowed - but no endophins - so I was left feeling like I was going to upchuck........ (not a nice feeling at all) I curled up on the chair under my snuggly and worked my way back to normalcy.  


As usual - despite the beating I took - there were / are no marks to see.  But deep inside I can feel the pain - even this morning - I know there are marks and bruises - deep inside.  Sometimes it can be discouraging that there are no outward marks...... Sometimes it seems without them that somehow I haven't taken all I could take...... Sometimes I wish I could mark like others.......... but I don't .... that's just the way I am.

As for the new toy......... it joins the long list of toys I love to hate.

Illusions...

Driving home from work yesterday I was remembering fondly the second play session on Saturday.  I was running through the different toys and the different sensations.... the pain and the joy.

Then I remembered how W used the rabbit fur glove he bought when we were in the States in October....

it felt so sensual....I lifted my head a bit and saw this group of spectators watching smiling....


BUT my heart was pounding.. I knew what was coming.......


I wonder what they must have thought when suddenly I was ouching and wiggling.. and laughing ..... W was running the glove up and down my ass.. 


Then W's free hand grabbed a handful of hair - lifting my upper body.. bending it backwards and the gloved hand was running over my breasts.... flicking my nipples and I was nearly screeching..... 


How the group must have wondered what was wrong with me............... 


Little did they know W had curled his fingers slightly - bringing out the "claws" .. 

needle sharp claws that were biting into my skin.. scratching it... threatening to snip off a nipple.


A nice furry glove...........is really just an illusion.

Quiet time

I have been fighting with this 'bug' that crawled into my body for a week now.  Saturday I was exhausted - even after a good night's sleep. W had a train show to go to... I had toyed with the idea of tagging along - but realized Saturday morning I just didn't have the energy.  Better he went on his own and enjoyed the show - rather than have me listlessly following behind.

I told him - via email - that I would cook up a new Italian sausage recipe for supper.  That meant - brilliant me - that besides getting the laundry done - I had to run out to the grocery store and pick up ingredients.  I also decided - after taking a look around the house - that it needed sprucing up - at the very least it needed a good vacuuming.  

So while W was wandering around a train show I was running around getting organised........ not exactly a quiet resting day.  By the time W showed up I was glad to sit down..... and just veg.  

By the time dinner was over (oh and I wasn't all that impressed with the new sausage recipe - think I will be going back to the tried and true one I have) I was pooped.  In my mind I knew I wanted to play a little bit - knew W would want to play.......... BUT I wasn't sure I had the energy for a whooping.

Sounds funny eh........ saying I didn't have the energy for a whooping?? But truth be told - even though I am usually just "hanging" around - it does take a lot of energy.  The body works hard to process the pain - and of course I do do my subbie jig..... So I was running all sorts of scenarios through my head....... and hit on needle play.  Yup - that would fit the bill - I could just lie on the floor still as still can be - while W stuck needles in me........ weaving out a pattern.  

When W asked if I was ready for a whooping..... I hesitated - not quite sure how to bring it up....... Finally I just blurted out that I wanted needles - that he had done needles on k last weekend...... and I missed needles - let's do needles !!!

So in no time flat the needle kit was on the table - I was lying on the floor on my snuggly blanket with pillows ......... ready for the first prick of the first needle.  

Truthfully I didn't even feel the first one go in.......... BUT the second one...... OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN !!!!! I felt that one........... felt it going through the first hole and coming out the second......... even felt it while W was getting ready to put  the next one in.  And the next one hurt like hell too.......... and I tried everything to deal with it.. kept moaning to myself quietly that I as a f**king masochist - this should be MY thing.......... didn't help.  By the time the 3rd needle was in ....... I was a blubbering mess of tears.  

W said "want me to take them out??" and I could barely answer him for the crying.  Even after the 3 stupid needles were out I was still blubbering..... sobbing........ body shaking sobbing. 

W kept murmuring soft reassuring words "I had been sick ...... it was ok.... my body was weak and tired" on and on like a mantra - soft reassuring words - all the while he was stroking my back and my body - letting the storm run it's course - letting me know I hadn't done anything wrong. 

Once I had composed myself - some - and we had talked over what went wrong....... I asked in this quiet little frightened voice if we could try the new dragon's tongue toy.  W obliged almost immediately!!  He had me stay on the floor snuggled on top of my wooly blanket with pillows under my head...I was still snuffling like a big Mr Snuffleupagist - when the first lash from the dragon's tongue struck.  I realized W was going very slow and very easy on me.  He even muted the television so that there were no distractions........ 

Slow easy strokes from the dragon's tongue......... my body started to relax and move with the strokes....... the muscles started to unclench and my mind went in search of my fairies..... 

Then W ratcheted it up a bit........ and I was back to white knuckling the pillows - thinking I couldn't do this........ but then W would ratchet it down some.... and the body would relax...... up and down went the intensity - until - it all felt good...... and my mind went to that place where my 4 year old lives........ and all was right with the world.  Though my 4 year old told W that I didn't like the dragon's tongue at all!! (small stamp of foot ) and it had a nasty lil knot on the end... and it hurt... and (pout pout pout) I didn't like it all... and W said in his soft quiet voice "so you are telling me you want more??" and the lil 4 year old said "yes" and so it all started over again.................

That is until W was pushing my legs apart and kneeling between them and I felt his hands playing with me - finding my wetness - encouraging it.......... and then........... well then I was lying in puddle - feeling my cum spurting out of me...... ughhhhhhhh I hate that feeling....... well no I don't actually hate it..... let's just say it is a love/hate thing..... This aptitude I have for soaking through everything - is one of the reasons that most of our play - at home - involves huge thick towels - or big snuggly blankets .....

And I realized that in a moment - with the right handling - emotions can change from tears to smiles ............. And the whole evening of play was declared a success  !!

Puzzling the pieces

I had a blog sorta/kinda pieced together in my head for this morning's entry.  Then i read an article by Midori and shelved the original planned entry.

If anyone still doesn't know who Midori is......... you can check out her bio here....... 


W and i went to two of her workshops when she was in Montreal.  I was very impressed with her skills of "profiling" shall we say.  I had signed up to be a victim participant in her workshop on humiliation - but she came to me before hand and said (having read my application form) that she would not do humiliation on me... that I should avoid forms of humiliation play - and damn she was right on !!!  (I discovered later that I would probably go after anyone who tries to humiliate me tooth and nail)


Ok... all that to say......... I stumbled across a new article written by Midori this morning entitled BDSM's Dirty Secret  and it made me sit up and take notice.  In fact I read the whole article twice.

In my humble opinion (or not so humble really) I think she has hit the nail right on the head.  

Back in the day when W and I would go out to play at clubs - there was an energy that was so strong you could feel it , taste it, smell it.  Those energies have slowly disappeared, evaporated.  And I thought it was just me... thought that W and I had reached a level of play that made everyone go "ewwwwwwwwwww" and run screaming from our scene.  No one around us seemed to play that way...... no one around us seemed to have any sparks.  Everyone seems to play with a showmanship style - with technique and form - and very little else.

And I realized a lot of that energy that I was so accustomed to was missing when I bottomed last summer.

Midori put it so well in her article.  She says "the danger inherent in SM is intimacy and human connection.  Because, at some level, SM demands participants to be true to their desires and hungers, vulnerabilities and savagery.  Fully engaged kink insists on full presence without pretense and willingness to connect the raw humanity to another's raw humanity"  

YES YES YES !!!  so often what I see now at parties are people hooking up for a little slap and tickle sort of play.  There is no connection - no bond.  And often times once the scene is over - the participants separate and move on to other players.... wash rinse and repeat.  


I don't feel or see any connection.  I do see a lot of technical perfection.  I do see a lot of showmanship.  It doesn't look anything like what W and I do.  We don't stand on showmanship......... we get hot and sweaty and work hard.  We connect .... W will stop and stroke ... I will dance my jig and call him names... i have even been known to shout out "FUCK that hurts!!" .. we will laugh together and hug and caress and bond together.  


Personally I do not care what someone thinks of our "fetwear" or our "style" .. all that matters to me is the coming together in the midst of exploding fireworks........ And when we are done - the toys are often thrown here and there (a treasure hunt to find them and sort them and get them back in their individual carrying cases) - both W's and my body are drained - and tired.  We have sought heights of desire that so few seem interested in anymore.  


So.... BDSM has changed.  From raw desire - to showmanship. 


And that - my dear friends - is just another puzzle piece fitting into place in "My Adventurous Journey".

Perfection in pain

It was hot on Saturday - even hotter if possible - on Saturday evening.  As W and I entered the play event it felt like a sauna.  Warm bodies mixing with hot humid air.   The humidity attached itself to my skin like some energy sucker..... covering me from head to toe.  

W and I moved to the enclosed garden area in the back - there was a slight breeze that moved the humid heavy air around.  I knew that in this heat we more than likely would not be playing.  I knew 90% of the people attending would not be playing.  Heat exhaustion was one's worst enemy on Saturday evening.  


If there had been better lighting - I am sure most would have selected to play outside in the back garden - subs bent over garden walls and garden furniture.  White asses gleaming in the moon light.  BUT - there was no lighting outside.......... and playing in the dark creates it's own hazards - that most won't attempt to overcome.

So I was surprised when W suggested it was time to venture inside and play.  He made sure we both had bottles of liquid to re-hydrate during the session.  I stripped almost naked (not something I do very often - but I was hoping to find some relief from the silk sticking to my skin) I clung to the wood rungs of our favourite "ladder" in almost desperation.  I didn't know how well this was going to work....... I didn't know how long it was going to last .. I didn't know if we could pull this off.... 

W selected the leather paddle with the blue rose embossed in the center as the warm up toy.  He swatted my ass a couple of times ........... it didn't feel right.  It's so hard to explain with words........ it hit and stung - and stuck there............ I almost wondered if W had let go.... if the paddle would have just remained permanently stuck to my ass by the humidity.  The paddling became a chorus of hit....... pull off... hit again.  It was a little unnerving.


Then other toys followed ......... some false starts - like with the dragon's tongue - just too intense on wet sticky skin.  But for the most part one toy flowed naturally into the next toy........ ratchet up the toys - ratchet up the pain.... watch the subbie climb the ladder.............. watch her body arch and hang there - then shudder and collapse back down from the orgasms........


Then the knives skipped over my skin - rather than sliding almost effortlessly up and down my back ............ The burning scratching feeling of the points was almost too much - almost. 


And then - when I thought I was done - completely done - muscles shaking from the intensity -  I felt the gorean whip. 

Three - 3foot long - falls attached to a wooden handle - a challenge for Dominate and sub alike.  

For the Dominant the challenge being in keeping the long tails together - hitting bang! bang! bang! one after the other in the same spot - keeping them together - preventing one from swinging off wildly catching bits and pieces not targeted.  

For the submissive - for me - the challenge is to get over the first few hits - to climb on top of them - because the gorean whip will take me to great heights - it will wrap it's tendrils around me and lift me ....... it will caress my skin with leather stripes..... it will thud against the tenderest of spots with a burning pain unlike any other toy.... it will hold me safe......... and take me straight over the edge into oblivion.

Through endorphin clouded eyes I remember looking over my shoulder briefly - to see W standing back - swinging the gorean with all his strength - feeling the thud thud thud as it bit into me..... closing my eyes and letting it's embrace carry me where it would.  

And then............ W was holding me close walking me around a sofa and getting me to plunk my ass on it.... to "sit" and "stay" while he went in search of more cold bottled water - rehydrate !!  


I didn't want to talk - didn't want to focus - didn't want to come back from the drug induced high.......... 


It was perfect - absolute perfection in pain.

Crap shoot

I was thinking yesterday - after I posted my daily blog entry - how playing / scening whatever the hell you want to call it..... is a bloody crap shoot.  There are so many variables - it's a wonder anyone ever plays !!!

There is the noise factor 
There is the music factor
There is the talking/spectator factor
There is the body and mind being ready
There is the alignment of the moon and stars.......... 


Hell like I said - it is a wonder we ever play........ 


And yet we do.......... over and over again.... mostly with good reactions - with endorphins flowing and orgasms and juices overflowing  - with subbie jigs and bruises and pain.......... 


Mostly it is good.


Otherwise 


I don't think we'd do it.........

Adrenline

I am feeling lazy and snuggly today - 

Yesterday W came over and we went to look at that sofa I saw this week - got the stamp of approval from the Boss Man............ and he was even tempted by this neat coffee table that lifts up and slides towards you - so you can eat in the living room - or in his case have easier access to his laptop.  However I did say "tempted" time will tell if he actually purchases it.  While we were there - JUST getting the stamp of approval on the sofa....... I (being the good subbie I am ) followed W over to the electronics department... got to test drive one of the new 3D televisions - fun - but definitely not my cup of tea !!!  Those 3D glasses give me SUCH a headache...................................... 

and ...... of course while we were in the electronics department don't I spot this vacuum cleaner (sort of like a dust buster - but better) that I have been looking for and lusting after.  My present vacuum is awkward on the stairs.......... and with miss ashes around .... the stairs should be done at least once a week!!  This dust buster type vacuum is meant to do stairs and small places.... and will make doing the stairs a SNAP!!  So I placed an order  for one and hopefully it will be in by the end of this week............. 

Ok - that's it - enough major expenditures from my end..........

I had also been lusting after european sausages............ I calculated it was time to try adding a new food to my diet/menus .......... so W came home for dinner with me and I cooked up a mess of sausage......... mine had fried onions on them (ok ok - I like to live dangerously!!)

After dinner W was itching to whoop my ass............. but the sausage and onions were sitting a little heavily on the tummy............ so I asked - if possible - could we try some of the new needle play without supervision................. and he agreed.


After a couple of false starts (can I say OUCH!!)  W decided he needed shorter needles to do any pattern work............. and with my encouragement he settled on some nice parallel lines of needles down my breast............... 

Lady B had taught W to pinch the skin and slide the needle through ............. but he found it awkward and decided to try just sliding the needles through the skin without the necessary unnecessary pinching .............. and it worked !!!  

Up to that point I had been stressed (I think from feeling his stress) but once he got those suckers sliding in without the pinching everything went along swimmlngly !!  Adrenalin is most definitely my friend........... and once they were in - and the pictures taken........ I begged to have them stay in for awhile - the feelings were just too good to end so soon.............. 

Coming out is certainly easier than going in.......... a bit of a tug ......nothing to cry about...... but oh my god!!  the alcohol clean up after is a good sting......... really good sting!!

moving was a bit of a challenge...... as move too quickly or twist funny and the needles would pick and pull and tug...I slid into my kimono and spent a good 30 minutes enjoying the tug and pull and sensations.................. 




Then it was time to clean up  the play space........ thank god W helped by putting the needles back in their covers and dropping them in the bio-hazard container we now proudly own............. I managed to focus long enough to scoop up the discarded wrappers and toss them in the garbage..............

All in all a really fun Saturday !! 

take me there......

The wood was strong and welcoming as I pressed my body against it.... my hands grasped the rungs of the suspended wooden ladder.....there were no restraints - haven't been for a very long time - I know not to move my body away..... my eyes flew around the room looking for something to anchor myself to...........

The leather strap started its warm up on my ass....... and it hurt........ and I scrambled to find some anchor - any anchor - tried to slow my breathing down....... reminded myself I wanted this ...... no ....... needed this.....

Slowing my breathing down....... slower and slower - even as the leather strap was going faster and harder..... slow down the breathing... focus on the sparkly lights..... ignore the room......... ignore the people......ignore the noise......... ride the waves of pain... ride them higher and higher...... take me there.. take me there.......

Suddenly a bitter cold bites into my warm body......... it slides over my back .... over my ass.. down my legs...... I struggle to stay there.. high on top of the pain........ but the cold begs me to look...... I turn ..... W laughs and hides the cold ....... I want to know .. I need to know..... a small stamp of my foot...... I shiver and close my eyes trying to feel the shape  of this cold.... I turn suddenly and catch a glimpse of the cold........... and yes it IS cold.........

the cold looks like a long icicle to my clouded eyes...... a long icicle with a silver handle..... it burns ......... I close my eyes again and ride the pain higher and higher ...... take me there...... take me there.........

The natural rhythm returns .... leather and whips..... and I am going there... I am going there...........

And then - the biting searing pain ...... feels like wire cutting across my ass.... tearing me open......... I need to know ...... I can't picture a wire toy I want ...... no I NEED..... to see this wire toy.......... I turn and W smiles at me.. I can see it - the smile - and I know all is well.......... the familiar blue whip comes into view.......

and I marvel that it now feels like wire....... when did the blue soft whip turn into a wire cutting tool.... I must be cut and bleeding....... but I no longer care...

I am there.

Just a quickie

Red welts before brunch........... seems like a good way to start a Sunday morning... 

Take one vegan whip... one bare ass .... one dom feeling bored/restless ... mix 'em all together and you get one stripped ass - before Sunday morning brunch.. 

Good way to work up an appetite...

Better than Chocolate

Well it was a busy busy Easter weekend !!!  Saturday went off better than expected... the family arrived on time ( with two snotty nosed grandkids unfortunately) but everyone was in a party mood and we even played Family Feud on the WII!!  It is always interesting to have my ex-husband and W socializing together! I tend to be on the receiving end of a whole lot of teasing.......... 

Sunday we headed off to youngest daughter's house to socialize with the snotty nosed grandkids again and the other side of the family.  Roast beef and lamb was on the menu and yum yum was it good !!!

(The reason I keep mentioning snotty nosed grandkids is that W and I both woke up today with the beginnings of a bug.......... I have a bad throat ... W has a runny nose..... the joys of grandkids!!)

On Sunday morning I really REALLY thought it might be a good time to try an "in house" spanking.  I brought down the toy bag to the living room....... and W was inclined to give it a try too........ 


It was amazing !!  I was over the ottoman... and W used leather straps, wooden paddles (they are still a bit hard to take as they feel as though they are crushing my new found bones in my ass) floggers and leather quirts ........ and finished up with a good fucking...... I was in seventh heaven !!  I can honestly say that spanking is better than Easter chocolate !!

And as another blogger often says - "if there aren't pictures it didn't happen"....... so here's a pic of my ass.... notice the after glow (grinning) ....... oh yeah I nearly forgot until I looked closely at the pic......... W used my tack paddle - which was deliciously painful...... I think I am gonna try making kaya's tack roller........ I really do !!!

Memories

Remember my visit to the Heron Clan this summer??

Remember Raheretic gave me a gift of a knife (the one pictured above)???

Well I brought the knife with me on Saturday evening when Warren and I went to the play party. Up to this point it had never been used on me. It worried me a little bit..... It is heavy... very heavy... I think all on it's own it could pierce my body. Honest true I do !! Hold the tip against skin and just let the weight of it press down ....... and BINGO !! pierced.

Well at least that's how my imagination worked.

It was the first thing Warren pulled out of the toy bag on Saturday. I discovered three things about that knife........... it doesn't pierce automatically - but it is heavy and it damn well hurts !!! and is SCARY... I mean it.. it is scary !!! Warren also discovered that my nipples fit through one of the holes very nicely... and all I could think as he was fitting said nipple through the hole - 'just don't let the hole be sharp' - cause it was a tight fit!!

Secondly I discovered - much to my surprise - that that knife packs quite a wallop. Warren turned it on the side and swatted my ass with it. I honestly thought he had grabbed another toy out of the bag. The wallop from the knife bounced me forward and upward. OUCH.. it really did pack quite a thud !!!

Thirdly I discovered it doesn't take any effort at all to make pretty patterns on my body. No going over and over the skin to create patterns, one pass of the blade and the skin separates quite nicely - leaving welts - and every so often a single drop of blood.

AND the patterns last..... it is Tuesday today and I still have faint welts over my back, ass and breasts.

The knife scene on Saturday was intense - at least for me. It is a knife that demands respect.. demands attention... demands concentration.

Here are some of the patterns ............

doesn't my ass look a little bit like it has a spider web carved into it??

I do love knife play - yessirree bob I like knife play !! The edgier the better !! I am wondering if I am heading towards scarification....saw one nice bit of work on Saturday and haven't been able to get the image out of my mind since.........

Oh my !!!

I had the most exciting scene yesterday!!!

Remember the email I wrote about that started off "Do you trust me?" Well that scene is the one that took place last evening. Miss Maxye of L'Oubliette was my top for the evening. I was a service sub for the closing Corn Roast Party at L'Oubliette and during the afternoon Miss Maxye asked me if I had ever had needle play. My immediate reation was "yes" .. Warren did from time to time do acupuncture needle play with me. BUT .. I always considered that a bit of a wimp's version of needle play the real thing - in my opinion - was when the needles are actually threaded through the skin. that would be a huge test of my masochism!!

I thought our busy time was never going to end. Miss Maxye kept up the anticipation through the afternoon. Finally - lighting upgraded, needles laid out, Miss Maxye took me into the dungeon. I was so damn nervous. Like always - I worried I wasn't masochist enough to do this!! Afraid I was gonna wimp out.

Miss Maxye started by telling me that for the entire scene I was not to talk or move. Then she started putting clothes pegs on various parts of my body.. the one that bugged me the most was on my belly button.. it didn't really hurt.. but it made me feel silly. AND it kept my mind focused there for a bit.

After washing my breasts down with alcohol (yes yes I used to be allergic but sometime over the last year or so - there doesn't seem to be the severe adverse reaction to it) she began inserting the needles. I could not believe how fast the endorphins kicked in. And I remember after a rather painful one, Miss Maxye stroking my face and saying that was the look she liked.

For most of the insertation process I kept my eyes closed, but did at one point open them to take a peek - and all I could think was " OH MY GOD!!! I have needles in my breasts !!"



Once they were all in, Miss Maxye had me stand and move to the cross where she helped me into the restraints and started working over my ass and back and legs. The rule of no talking and no moving was shouting loudly in my head. It was a difficult rule to follow. I was scared to lean into the cross because of the needles and don't forget the clothes pins. She went from a gentle hand spanking, to a heavy flogging, to something that felt like it was tearing the skin off my ass. OH MY GOD it hurt (so good!!!) At one point I started my lil subbie jig and Miss Maxye reminded me firmly "not to move". It had to be one the hardest things I have done, holding still knowing that the stinging bite of the flogger was gonna keep up until Miss Maxye decided it was over.

Finally when I thought I couldn't possibly take anymore, Miss Maxye was taking me down and leading me to a chair to remove the needles. As Miss Maxye put it, she had to leave just a little bit of energy in me for the removal process.

When I had my wits about me enough to focus on my surroundings, I realize Miss Maxye's scene had attracted quite an audience. To Miss Maxye's credit one of the Dom's came and complimented her on the scene.

I am hoping that Miss Maxye had as much fun as I did...... she was an amazing Top to play with !!!!

This morning I am left with some very special souvenirs of the closing party of L'Oubliette!!!

Tears

Hours - days later - as predicted - the tears come. They start slowly - nothing more than one or two drops of salty water dancing on my cheek. And then minutes - hours later - they are coursing down my face.

I am not sad. I am filled with a joy that no words can explain. I am filled with a need - a desire - I can not explain. I am overflowing with thankful words that can not escape my heart - no matter how many words I spill onto the paper.

I am there........... where I have dreamed of being......... a hidden place deep inside that I never thought I would reach. But I am there now. and the tears come.

They startle me - these tears. I catch them on my tongue - like a child catching snowflakes. They are warm - like the warmth I feel each time you take me to that place. They are sweet - like the sweetness I experience with each stripe and welt and bruise.

These tears are just a cleansing......... a welcome relief....... I am where I belong.

I am home.

Burning

My body is on fire. It burns hot........ hot to your touch.. burning my mind........ singeing the edges of my very soul.

I am laid out - bare .........open exposed vulnerable. The world is watching - peering in through the glass - are we the entertainment?? I no longer care..... the burning calls to me.

Hands touch my body, digging........ kneading........ caressing.........big firm hands, smaller strong hands....... skin against skin.. I can feel it..... I cherish those feelings I wrap them up in my mind complete with a bow for later. Later I will unwrap those feelings - explore them............ experience them again.

For now more sensations - I am struggling to capture them all - each one....

There is the weight across my body - pinning me down - the growl in my ear to "stay" .......... the hands in my hair - playing tugging........the face/the body that suddenly appears in front of me....... I try to form words - to reach out from deep within myself - but the thoughts are gone and so is the face and body - gone back to the delicious tormenting of my body.

But best of all....... the very best of all........

the whisper of leather across my back. It makes me shiver with need and want and desire. The hands on my burning hips pulling me backwards - again the delicate touch of leather against my burning skin.... a butterfly kiss - nothing more. But it is seared into my brain.

This is MY sensation play - a whisper, a touch, a butterfly kiss, against the burning skin - deep into my burning soul......... and I know I am where I was always meant to be.

being there

It is dark in the room, the music envelops my mind and body with its rhythm and beat, my clothes are opened and my body laid bare. I am waiting. My heart beats a frantic quick tattoo inside my chest. My palms sweat. My breathing is soft and quiet. I am here. I am ready.

And it begins.

I am so ready for the beginning......... for the strike that will start me on a journey no one else can take for me. A journey very few can understand - or even imagine.

There is pain - sharp intense burning pain. For the first little while I stamp my foot, I curse and swear. But I don't stop it... I don't even ask for it to slow down. My mind is screaming for more, faster, harder, more more more.. get me there.. get me there NOW!

And I feel it coming - I see it coming. Like a huge tsunami rushing towards my body, lifting me higher and higher ......... pushing me forward faster and faster, I can figuratively and literally feel my body lift off the ground and soar ...... higher higher.. take me higher - please take me higher, show me what I have never seen before....... take me there...........

Now there is no separation ......... only one ....... one with the pounding music, one with the pain...... one with you who has given me this precious gift. I am there and I want to stay there for as long as possible.

There is where I am free. There is where I float and swirl and dance and play. There is where I have - forever I think - longed to be. And YOU have taken me there. YOU have given me a gift so precious there are no words......... only joy...... only bliss....... only peace.

Last Night

Last night was really the beginning of this new adventurous journey of mine.

Last night I went to a play party with my "play party buddy" and we met up with this dominant couple from last weekend's event.

To say I was nervous is putting it mildly. I was a quivering mess of nerves on the drive to town. I tried to explain it to play party buddy. I said it is like dancing... when you dance with the same partner for years and only that person it is hard to learn to dance with someone else.

When we arrived at the venue I felt I had to say something to indicate that I really wanted to play - but also to indicate I was scared stiff. I asked S.S. if I could serve as his "bottom" for the evening and handed him a collar to fasten around my neck. He put me right at ease by giving me a bear hug and saying that that had been the plan. Phewwwwwwwww.. I was ready !!!

Almost immediately S.S. and SS (sorry I only just realized their names have identical initials - S.S. is the male counterpart and SS is the female) had me lean over a cabinet and they both took turns doing some sensual play.. nails up and down my legs.. some firm but fun hand spanking....... and then we all went to mingle and see the different rooms. I barely cared about the rooms or the other people there.. I was so full of anticipation.

Play party buddy got the first play time.... then a drink and some down time and it was my turn. It didn't take any time at all for me to relax into the rhythm of the play. It was fun .. spelled F U N. They used toys galore ... and when S.S. thought my ass was getting too red or too welted he would use ice to cool it down. At one point I looked up at SS who was running her nails up and down my back and I said laughing "I guess it is too late to say ice is a hard limit??"

It was quite an experience to have both a male and female playing with me........... and not just for a few minutes or an hour..........but really for the whole play party. After the huge play session, one or the other would run their hands over my ass, checking the welts, checking the heat, and often it would be followed by some hand spanking, or back biting, or teasing and taunting.

I was right there .. in the moment so to speak .. for the whole evening (night??) I was enjoying - no more than enjoying it - I was loving it! Bonded to them by the glorious connection of receiving the pain and offering yourself up for more.

They each equally offered me the pain I crave and adore - bringing me up and over the searing pain into the glorious rainbow of acceptance.

Best Ever

At the party on Thursday evening...... when we had joined the others back in the main play area, Sir whispered in my ear that He wished He could use His knife on me. Now personally i didn't see why He couldn't........ hell at the mention of the knife i was ready to strip down and fling myself at His feet. i also looked lovingly at the rope cage not being used and could envision myself naked, arms pinned tightly to my side, and Sir using His knife to carve pretty patterns on my body.

dara left a comment on my blog where i discussed this rope cage... and left a link to a leather one.. that inspired me to look for a hanging rope cage and i found one.. very similar to the one at the party.........

can't you imagine yourself in something like that?? dangling from the ceiling??

Anyway......... once again i digress.......

The knife play was put on hold for another time and place. yeah i was disappointed.......... but that's ok..... cause what happened when we got home more than made up for that little disappointment !!

On Saturday evening Sir had me strip down and lay myself out on the sofa for a whooping........... it was fun.. and He used the perverted cheese board as a solid wooden paddle, as well as the paint stirrer, and the leather strap. Just when i was sure He was finished, He sat down on the floor beside me and proceeded to stick needles into my ass. Can i say "yummy"???? i don't think Sir has ever needled me after a paddling and the sensations were more intense.

Then while i was lying there all pinned down (so to speak) Sir disappeared. i could hear much fumbling around in the other room......... and then paper rustling and i couldn't for the life of me figure out what He was getting.

i didn't bother to lift my head when Sir came back into the living room....... sometimes the thrill of the unknown is better than knowing. i assumed He had gone to get a knife........ but i was so wrong !!!

Sir had gone and gotten the wartenberg wheel (i checked the spelling Sir - cheeky grin)

You can see an example of the wheel in the top picture.

He ran that wheel over and around the needles..... up my back, down my sides, down my thighs, up and down the sides of my breasts...... and across that spot...... you women know what spot i am talking about - the one at the very base of the spine. Oh my god !!! the pain was exquisitely wonderful.

This was even more enjoyable than the knife which has one singular point. The wartenberg wheel has evenly spaced sharp pins that roll across the body. Each pin prick is felt and magnified - especially when the skin has already been tenderized with a whooping, and needles !!!

Definitely better than knife play (though i had no lasting marks/carvings on my skin to admire the next day)

Yup .......... sometimes it pays to wait. yup yup yup !!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

oh and for those of you who are wondering what the "Spank in the New Year" involved. It had nothing to do with 2010 spanks .. or challenging the Doms to see how many spanks they could fit in in the last 10 seconds of the year.

Nope ........ what they did...... around 15 minutes to midnight, they had all the subbies come over to this large rectangular metal thingy (don't you just love my descriptions?? !!) which was suspended from the ceiling and they cuffed each of us to it. Then when we were all firmly and securely attached, and the device was elevated so we were all on tippy toes, the Doms were asked to get their favourite spanking implement, (if they didn't have any - the hosts were more than happy to loan out some of theirs) and then at exactly 1 minute to midnight, the spanking commenced. We subbies had to do the traditional countdown 10.. 9... 8... well you get the idea......while the Doms spanked in the New Year !!

All in all it was an excellent way to bring in the New Year, with a warm ass, good friends, and my Sir !!