Saturday, January 11, 2020

Smoke and Mirrors

I was doing a lot of thinking yesterday after my post....... about how my blogging has changed in many ways since those first years.  

We were a tight knit group of masochistic submissives..... and we supported each other and shared secrets and advise and chatter.   I was pretty naive back then -- wearing my rose coloured glasses - believing everyone I engaged with were as real as I was -- as honest ........ 

And then........

one of the women was caught in a lie... more than one lie -- her whole blog was a lie -- everything she wrote was a fantasy and she had been using us.  And the news spread like wild fire.   We all felt cheated and hurt and angry.  Being me I was devastated.  I had trusted her -- shared with her .. laughed with and cried with her and she wasn't what she portrayed herself to be ....... how stupid could I have been??? 

(and before anyone questions this -- this woman took her blog down disappeared for awhile then came back for awhile then disappeared again)

It was explained to me quite simply........... the internet is all smoke and mirrors -- you never know for sure that the person you are talking with / sharing with is actually who they claim to be.

Now the few commenters I have are like social acquaintances  -- they make me smile and sometimes laugh -- sometimes I even worry a little bit about them.........but it's not the same now...... thanks to that woman many years ago who broke my rose coloured glasses ...... 


  1. morningstar, I recall a couple of incidents like the one you described. People were hurt and angry. I guess the fraudsters just feel they need to portray a fantasy life, not the one they live. You are honest in your blog, and I like that.


  2. thanks Hermione

    I remember after I moved - meeting a submissive who had apparently been reading my blog for ages -- I remember her getting so animated and saying "you are exactly like you are in your blog!!" it made me smile -- I can't be anyone else -- I've kinda mastered this version of me ya know?! (grinning)

  3. Morningstar,

    I keep hearing about this from various sources. it makes me sad to hear that people write fantasy and not real life. I had someone tell me once that 90% of people were good, but how come i only seem to meet the 10%? sigh.

    Hence, i dont blog. i read other peoples blog and learn what i can. hopefully i make someone laugh with my comment, or feel better/not so alone.

    if every i dont make you feel that way morningstar, please let me know.


  4. I'll tell ya a little secret Boos I look forward to reading your comments.

    You said you read blogs to learn -- and I just wanted to say if you ever have any questions you would like to ask but don't want to do it publicly there is an email form on the right side of my blog.. I would happily answer any questions you have. (Oh you can also ask them publicly ya know)

  5. Hi Morningstar,

    I recall a couple of similar incidents also. People were shocked and angry and it caused many to question their friendships in blogland and pull back from it for a while. It shook the confidence of many bloggers at the time.


  6. Masochists, IMHO, do tend to be fantasists. I see nothing wrong with writing about a fantasy or desire just so long as it is stated as such. Writing a fantasy as if it had actually happened though, is out of order. The hardest part is being able to see what is smoke and mirrors, on the internet and what is fact based. But that in itself is a reflection of the wider world beyond screens.


  7. I understand. People tend to have what I call "telephone balls" when they are behind the keyboard, meaning they can't be seen and believe they can get away with lying.

  8. Roz

    I think one of the biggest problems for some people is the fear of being outted.... IF you are interacting with folks who are doing what you're doing not much fear of that -- but if they are vanilla folk looking for ... god only knows what... it leaves one vulnerable..... a lot of folks get squeamish

    Fortunately now I am retired it doesn't much matter if I am outted

  9. Spankedhortic - masochists and fantasies .... ummm.. at first I got all prissy about that (grinning) then I remembered how many fantasies I used to have .. and how many I tried and how many didn't work... as for writing about them -- I always said "I had this fantasy ...... we tried it out and oh lord!! never again" and of course at the height of my writing I had a second blog that was entirely fictional writing. (never had much interest in it though so I took it private)

    and you are quite right there isn't as much honesty in the world at large .. it is most disheartening

  10. sublimelyms - nodding quite true -- I don't know - there is something about lying/fibbing that just makes my blood boil... a trait I cannot forgive -- my last Master lied (through his teeth) and it was our undoing - I just don't understand why people feel the need to lie

  11. Was this “The Creative Spanked Wife” or something like that? I don’t think I commented anywhere in those days, but I remember being extra disappointed because I had felt like I had a lot in common with her (artist/writer).

    I think some people are writing the life they wish they had. And that’s understandable, because a lot of people don’t feel comfortable pursuing what they want, or they just don’t know how... but it can also be dangerous for readers without a bit of skepticism. Fantasies aren’t always safe or smart, and I see some things that make me cringe when I imagine young people (or people young to kink anyway) taking it as reality.

  12. thanks for commenting Xen -- you are right it has always worried me about new folks to kink reading blogs or misinformation anywhere really and thinking it is gospel.......

  13. I missed this post somehow.... I got scared when I first heard about one of these incidents and then I went looking and could still see on the blogs some of what happened. How devastating to actually get close and be true friends with someone only to find out later, she had duped her best friends and the entire community. I am glad I wasn't around then. I'm sorry that you were one of the gals so hurt by this. Something like that would take my breath away and not in a good way. I'm glad you stayed around, blog, and join in on other blogs. I always look forward to making you laugh on my blog. I try to write about the ups and the downs though and some of my imperfections in order to let others know me as much as safely possible through blogging and to get to know them, too. I do want to tell you to not give up on hoping some of us are actually real and living the lives we say we are......just go slow and protect your heart. Hugs, Windy

  14. Windy - your blog is fun to read -- and it certainly feels like you write YOU (grinning) ...
    and I am pleased that you come here to read


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