Friday, January 10, 2020

Dear Diary..........

Anyone else keep a diary ??  I kept journals for years -- I am guessing since late teens.  When I moved to Ontario I came across all those journals... years of  teenage angst and hope and deep philosophical thoughts (well they felt like deep philosophical thoughts - grinning)

Then I started blogging - 15 years ago - reaching out into the great dark void that was the internet ... hoping against hope I would find like minded people....... difficult to do when one is not entirely honest about who/what they are.  It took me a long time to use the word 'masochist'.  I always worried people would think I was damaged - sick - ya know?!  But then slowly I found one other like myself -- then they lead me to another and another and soon I discovered I wasn't alone with these desires and it felt very good!  'cause if I was 'sick' then I was in good company !!  For a few years we were a community of masochistic submissives 'talking' to each other via our blogs and emails - and once in while in person.  It felt great!

Then slowly our small community started disappearing.... one after another the blogs closed down and folks moved on.  I kept writing........ too stupid or too stubborn to just disappear.

Now I write cause I have always written........... I don't much pay attention to the numbers.. or the comments (or the lack of comments) cause it is MY story I am telling...... for me. 

It was brought to my attention yesterday that I might want to think about answering more of the comments that are left on my blog.  I might want to engage with folks a little bit more.  It kinda made me smile -- cause if you knew in me in the real world -- you would know that I tend not to interact with folks too much.  Weird yeah I know -- shrug 

So ......... I thought on the words of advise over night  -- I will try to interact a little bit more in the comment section....... no promises but I will try.


  1. Wow, I had not realized you'd been blogging for so long! Yay you! Do you ever go back and read what you wrote those years ago? I have a blog on another subject, and thought it's only been about 6 years I find going back difficult.

    Thank you for continuing to share you journey.

  2. Deena -- oh yes I most definitely go back and read -- the good the bad and the ugly.

    I have a terrible memory for years/dates stuff like that so a journal has always helped me keep things straight.

  3. My journals began when I was fifteen and like you I have written in one form or another ever since. We do have a lot in common, I've been here for over thirteen years and while our desires are not exactly the same, we would both seem 'out of the norm' to most people. And neither of us cares. But I really do like talking to people who understand and I wish the blogging world was growing rather than shrinking.

  4. PK
    I am curious how are your desires different from mine?? Not into pain?? (grinning)

  5. Hi Morningstar, I tend not to interact that much too. The only journal I have really had is my blog. It's been such a fantastic way of capturing the ups, downs and changes in our relationship, not to mention meeting like minded people as you said. It also served as a great tool for us because It was where I processed so gave Rick a better understanding of what was going on with me at the time.

    I probably started blogging about 15 years ago also. Of course, I haven't posted for a few years now.


  6. Roz -- will you share the name of your blog?? maybe our paths crossed 15 years ago (grinning)

  7. Sometimes I think it is useful to interact with commenters. As well as adding a social aspect to blogging it can sometimes get the grey matter stirring. My last post was a reaction to some of the comments that I received on an earlier post.


  8. OH Spankedhortic -- I have done that -- done a full post in answer to questions comments... just kinda made good sense to me to do it publicly then I know everyone gets to see........


    I will try answering in the comment section - see what happens :)

  9. Hi morningstar,

    I have always called myself a masochist; it was a label that fits. My ex called me "sick". Can you gues swhy he's an ex?

    Roz's blog is called Roz in his Hands


  10. look at you answering the comments! Nice job. I dont write, or keep journals. i simply talk to myself sometimes out loud, other times, quietly in my head.


  11. Boosghost - do you know you are the first person to acknowledge my effort to answer comments? :) :) makes me wonder if anyone comes back to read my comments on their comments (god this could get confusing!!)

    trust me I have some of the best discussions with myself!! and the neat thing is I am always right (grinning)

  12. I don't always manage it but I try to pop back to the blogs that I have commented on, to read any reactions :)


  13. (grinning) Spankedhortic you are gonna keep me on my toes aren't you?? now I am gonna be commenting on commenting -- I'll be spending all my days just keeping up with it (and trying to track down where the comments went once I hit the 'publish' button LOL


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