About a year ago -- my youngest daughter announced that she and her hubbie were going to take the boys and go on a cruise this year. It was the first real family holiday they had ever had. I was happy for them. (ok I wondered how they could afford it -- but that's just the mother worrying)
Then at a family function in November the other grandmother announced she couldn't wait for the cruise......... that she was going......... and that my daughter and hubbie had paid for her...... (though she did say something about paying them back a little bit at a time)
I was gob smacked. I thought "family" holiday meant mom, dad, and the boys. Apparently I was wrong. and it hurt. A lot. The thought screamed at me "guess you're not family"
I did try to approach the subject (ok ok my method was pretty passive aggressive ) and daughter said " so come too". Sorry there's no way I could wrap my head around finding the money for a flight/cruise and assorted expenses in under a month. AND if I was really wanted ........ why wasn't I 'invited' a year ago?!
I thought I had handled the whole situation -- put it behind me. Until Sunday when they left......... and posted a "family" pic at the airport....... Mom Dad 3 boys AND the other grandmother. It hurt me -- deeply.
This week my voices have been nattering at me......... mostly stuff like I drove her away... wasn't attentive enough .... didn't do enough for her.... looking back - far back -- tough mother I was... probably not a particularly good mother. That's why she has settled on the inlaw family as her family......... I deserve it......... (that sort of thing) But I only have to look at my eldest daughter to know I did something right in my mothering.... something right for one of them.
It's not a good week for me to try and be rational about this...... after 2 months I have cut back those nasty drugs again...... and my body and mind are reeling.......
Sometimes life can be hurtful........ and that's not a good thing.
(((Hugs))) Morningstar. I can understand how this made you feel. I'm sure it isn't a case of your daughter turning to her in-laws instead. You don't know the circumstances behind and leading up to her husband's Mom being invited. I'm thinking the original intention was for your daughter, husband and children only to go on the cruise.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
I dont know the full situation but my first questions are
ReplyDelete1. does she live closer ?
2. does she go to other events with them ?
it may just be a matter of location .. maybe they wanted a built in baby sitter ?
not a slight on you but maybe she "needs" it more ? financially ? it could be a number of things OTHER than you are such a bad person / mother that they dont want you ... try and keep a positive thought.
sugarsack