Then and Now

The other night when Sir Steve and I were snuggled together in bed having our nightly whispered chat...... I said to him "ya know -- you don't irritate me" 

I know -- weird sort of thing to say...... Sir Steve looked perplexed but after 2 years he's kinda used to my 'out of the blue' comments.

Now I understood my comment -- it came out of my mouth as an "eureka" moment.  I had been (still am) thinking about past relationships and how 'bitchy' I used to be.  In my past BDSM relationship I was always being punished for some sarcastic comment or other..... or just plain arguing.  Mostly in that relationship my brain was saying

frequently.....

I seemed to spend so much of my time stressed and aggravated and pissed off.  

Since I have been with Sir Steve I  have been so much calmer -- and honestly don't think I have ever been sarcastic with him -- or short tempered with him ....... god when I think back - my youngest daughter saw a huge difference 2 Christmases ago when she remarked on how calm I was and asked what drugs I was on (and she was serious!)

I have been analyzing why things are so different this time........ I don't know for sure -- but I think the reason that I am not the bitchy sub I used to be ...... is........ I feel valued and loved and most importantly supported.  I used to get spanked a lot -- mostly as a punishment for my mouth........ now I never get a punishment spanking and that's a good thing.  I think I always had a problem being spanked as a punishment -- it made me feel like a failure..  IF I am acting up -- talking back -- maybe we need to have an adult conversation about what is not working ........ and fix the problem!

I may not get spanked very much now -- but at least when I do I know it is for our mutual satisfaction...... and fun.

Life is good when there is no need for bitchiness or sarcasm.