On Being Submissive

I've been celebrating my submissiveness for over 25 years.  For most of those years the image I had in my head looked pretty much like the picture above...... both literally and figuratively..... on a leash - under someone's control.

There was a 'way of behaving'... there were protocols... I learned to be quiet and invisible.

UNTIL 

Sir Steve came back into my life and showed me (reprogrammed me) that submissive doesn't -- really does NOT mean -- doormat!  and it's much more than a leash and spankings and sex.

There are still moments where I miss the fantasy world of submission that I created... but then I realize this ... THIS... is way more realistic and do-able.

and thank god for that !!  because the struggles I am having these days would destroy me ....... I am far far from being the 'good submissive' my fantasy world required.  

I realized on the weekend I am 'snappish' and impatient and cranky. Not all the time -- but more (much more) than usual.  Last night I stepped over the dog's feet one too many times and yipped at her to get on her bed -- that I was tired of falling over her........ the lil one came out to have her hair brushed before bed ... and she had gotten something in her hair and it was gummy and hard to brush -- and I snapped at her......... Then I snapped at Sir Steve over the lil one's bedtime....... then I went outside to have a cigarette and cool down.

When I came back in I apologized ....... Sir Steve got up and came and wrapped his arms around me.... he whispered in my ear that he got it...... I wasn't responsible for these moods....... that he had my back and we'd get through this together... 

It made me cry  (well I kinda cry over everything these days)  

BUT this is more D/s than any other relationship I have ever had.  I believe no matter what Sir Steve will help me through it......... he does have my back -- he will protect me -- support me -- be there for me.

Life is good when the reality is much better than the fantasy.