Monday, November 14, 2011
We had an event to go to on Saturday. It was our first of this type. The party started at noon and went to 6 pm... and then everyone was going out to dinner to cap off the event.
I had been looking forward to this event a lot !!!
Thursday's fiasco of nasty comments on the blog and the subsequent fall out from them.
I wish I could say I handled the whole event as well as it seemed I did publicly BUT I didn't. I was angry - really pissy angry........ and on Friday night I knew I had to make a decision - to snap out of it.. or not go to the party on Saturday. I picked the first choice. My grandmother used to say "the best revenge is to live well" ... I knew IF I didn't go to the event - then I let anonymous win.... and I was NOT going to let that happen. W and I are together - through thick and thin!!! So....needless to say I picked the first option and by Saturday morning was back to the anticipated excitement.
The event was being held at a bar (thus the afternoon play time). The play equipment had been trucked in from L'Oubliette and well placed within the bar. It was an amazing set up with lots of room to mingle and play !!!
W and I picked a St Andrew's Cross (near the front door) and started playing. I was anxious for the endorphin rush ... but for some reason I couldn't get focused at all .. couldn't find my breathing patterns... and landed up doing a lot of foot stamping and ass rubbing... and subbie jigs. My emotions were near to breaking - and I had visions of calling the scene and dissolving in an weepy mess.
But W brought out the gorean whip... and I started to relax and get into it..... (often times when I can't get it together - the gorean whip is my saving grace) I asked if I could move from the cross to the end of the bar (which was 5 steps from where we were playing) because the gorean whip needs a lot of room to throw...... and it works better if W can move from one side of my ass to the other. W agreed and so there I was leaning over the end of the bar - ass out - meeting each hit with a sigh and a soft moan. It felt like I was coming home... it was all working...
And then I could feel it - that familiar tightening in my gut - the quivering in my limbs and I knew .. KNEW... an orgasm was 2 or 3 hits away........ I closed my eyes - felt my body flying higher and higher........ I was hanging right there on the edge.. waiting for the next hit to push me over.......................
That's right nothing! I turned my head and looked .. 2 women had walked between W and I .. and had stopped to talk............ TALK !!!! In the middle of our scene... while I was dangling over the edge.
Well for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about - let me tell you - what happened next was like being in a elevator that free falls 15 stories to the bottom. Can we all say C. R. A. S. H.??!!! My body folded into itself.. my head dropped to the bar and I was fighting the tears (without much success)...
W came over and stood rubbing my back - but he honestly didn't have a clue what had just happened....
When I crash (and I can only speak for myself) I get angry - bloody f**cking angry. I got dressed with W's help (we had taken my new leather corset off to play) and I grabbed my cigarettes and headed outside for a smoke and a cool down time. W went off to buy some diet drinks... so I had a long time to try and pull myself together.
I went back into the bar and a couple of folks who saw what happened came over to check on me. One chap - god bless him - didn't say a word - just stood rubbing my back softly ... I don't even think he was looking at me.. He was just giving me human contact - helping me find my way back.........
W came back and we had a long talk (almost argument) outside... Then we came back in .. I was more composed.. W knew what the hell was wrong with me....
But I kept running stuff around in my head.. and I knew if I didn't get my ass out there again.. I might never want to do it again... there is a huge amount of fear that comes along with my crashes... So I turned to W and said (with a cheeky grin) "Well ....... can you finish what you start???!!" He seemed - I don't know - maybe surprised. He studied me for a minute or two and then said "you want to play again??" and I said "YES"
This time I went and found a nice comfy spanking bench - off in a secluded corner.. I stripped down again.... and we started our scene all over again... This time it clicked.. in no time at all I was happily free falling off the edge.. no crashing to earth - soft gentle floating.... on a pillowy cloud of pain
And when it was over and W was leaning down over my body - stroking my head... I mumbled through my tears "I love YOU!!" because I do - no matter what things come crashing into our lives - nothing can erase the love I feel for this man!
Then it was time to clear out of the bar and head off for dinner. I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed having dinner after the party - with all participants. It was like the icing on the cake........ perfection !!
Because I love my new corsets - and because I have posted every single one here... I am posting a picture of my last new corset.. my black leather one.
oh yeah and before I forget..Sunday morning my ass was sporting some nice lil bruises.. (see me grinning??)