Roll Call

i am home and i am getting very very bored.. and feeling just a tad bit like a fraud..... the swelling in the knee is down......Sir came yesterday and brought me the brace the Doc recommended to help me feel more secure when walking........ and it was like a miracle - i am walking again without as much of a limp.. getting on and off the toilet is still a bit of a challenge but ohhhhhhhh so much better..
BUT on doctor's orders i am home till sometime next week (at the earliest) and discovered yesterday there is only so much TV i can stand watching....only so much reading i can do with leg elevated......

And so i propose a poll of sorts - something i started to think about last week....... and i am now shamelessly going to plug the poll and beg (yes Sir beg!! but i am not begging Sir so it is ok) for you to read to the bottom of this post and hit the comment button......... i NEED something to amuse this small mind .. while i sit around healing ............ come on... help an old gimpy submissive out !!!!!!








Ok.. i don't know how well this will work...... it honestly depends on YOU my readers....

Above is the map that tracks the visitors to my lil blog......... and i am dying of curiosity to get an idea of the countries you are all from........... It honestly boggles my mind to see how wide spread the readership is......... from Alaska (this month) to Australia and New Zealand......

Come on folks.. you come here to read my writings...... maybe you learn something.. maybe you fantasize a bit.. what ever the reason.. i have a request........

take 2 minutes and hit the comment button.. you can even do it anonymously ....... leave your country and if you are comfortable - your province or state or city. Satisfy my curiosity about where you all come from............. (and yeah yeah i know i am being nosy.. but humour me !!)

AND as a small token of my appreciation for doing this........ i will post some pictures to the Photojournal......... or a story....... you pick what you would prefer as a reward...

So........ (for those of you who are unclear on the request) hit the comment button tell me where you come from........ and leave a request - pictures or story - as a reward for all your "hard" work

2 minutes that's all it will take..........................

~~~~~~~~~~~
Another editorial note:
i do not have any way of seeing ISP's and am not sure i would know what to do with one if i could.......... so come on....... country /state/ city/ village.. i am thinking of getting a real map and sticking pins in it......... (cheeky grin)

Sacrifice

i had a post already for this morning........ kind of a poll (yeah yeah another one!!)

BUT things took a turn for the worst?? (no no make that a turn for the better yesterday) and i thought i would share with you..........

Sir has been having some problems with His sugar levels .......... and being the good subbie i am.. and knowing that Sir needed exercise to work off the excess sugars...... i sweetly offered up my body for a good whipping. (wasn't that just so sweet of me?? it's a wonder His sugar levels didn't go up even more!!) But i did insist that He had to stand to beat me.. none of this lazy Dom stuff.. sitting on the couch - using a long handled toy........ with me bent over the ottoman ........ so Sir could watch His TV shows. No no.. i wanted Him to get a really good work out....... so He had to stand...........

For those interested - Sir was having a rather good chuckle over all this sugary sweetness ......... and reached for the new leather thong....... i clenched my ass muscles as tight as they would go........ cause that leather thong HURTS !!!

He doubled it over a couple of times and started in on my ass... it didn't matter how tight i had clenched those muscles - it wasn't enough to protect my ass from the cutting searing pain.......... (as usual no warm up....... i should explain to Sir some time soon - that before one starts any vigorous exercise - a warm up is highly recommended)

Over and over and over that thong cut into my ass....... i whimpered out "is it at least leaving marks??" to which Sir replied "yeah a couple of nice stripes" i thought it might be a good idea if He took pictures.. for posterity sake.......... it was NOT a subbie escape route.. even for a couple of minutes - to catch my breath ..... i swear it wasn't.. i just knew how much you - my readers - love to see stripes on my ass...........


Sir was going all hell bent for election on my ass.. when suddenly i heard this "FUCK THAT HURT" and i realized in His enthusiasm...... Sir had managed to hit His own leg...... (see me giggling??) i sweetly pointed out to Him that that was a back lash...... and through his trousers......... imagine how much it hurt going down on a bare ass..........

Sir was NOT amused.

He had me kneel up and present my breasts.......... i HATE having anything whipped across my breasts......... they are such tender flesh......... virginal even....... as i pointed out to Sir - so sweetly - that usually my breasts were a "no fly" zone........ but that didn't apply today......... Sir had sugars to reduce....... and marks to leave........ and only my breasts mark!

So i was soon kneeling up facing Him... clenching my teeth and shrieking each time the lash cut across my breasts... weirdest thing though.......... the more my breasts marked.. the more i wanted.. and the hornier i got........ watching those red welts rising .. turning purple........... i wanted to run my hands across them.. feel them.. stroke them......... but Sir wasn't finished....... He was going for the "gold" (actually black and blue but hey gold sounds better!!)

After god only knows how long......... Sir took pictures of the stripes ...........

A few more minutes of work on the ass (which didn't leave such nice marks) and Sir declared the session over..........

And i am pleased to report that by dinner time Sir's sugars were back down to normal......... now doesn't that prove that a good work out - a subbie's sacrifice - is good for the Dom's health???

Just life

renovations ...work stress ...gardens ...cleaning and laundry ...dresses...invitations.........health....field trips..... andrew....bills....exhaustion ...



What a week !!!! there were days i honestly didn't know which end was up... i said i was overwhelmed.. and i just didn't know how to get it all under control...... so i did what i do best when things are overwhelming......... i hid.




But now i am back .......... sort of.. kinda..... for me the very best way to deal with all the stresses and jobs to be done.....is make a list and tackle it......... and so i did.. with Sir's help of course !!!


Friday i managed to work out the kinks in the wedding invitations and get virtually all of them printed.. envelopes too..... (which meant teaching myself how to do mail merges.. and yeah yeah i know.. how difficult is that ??!!! now i know how to do it.. i agree not difficult at all.. but last week....... i was spitting tacks over mail merges and printing envelopes!!! did you know you can actually print envelopes sideways??)



Yesterday Sir took me off to the funeral parlor so i could visit with the dear woman who lost her husband to suicide not a week ago.... what an emotional strain ....... i don't think i have ever seen so much pure unadulterated pain in one person........ i held her as she sobbed in my arms...... and sobbed and sobbed some more........ there were no words to offer even the smallest comfort.. only the strength of my arms holding her close.




then off shopping for youngest daughter's birthday present...... and god i had to find dresses for the daughters' weddings .. the first one is just 10 weeks away...... and .. as my girls both said - "take Sir........ He's your good luck charm when you shop" and they were right......... i found the perfect.. and i do mean PERFECT outfit for eldest daughter's wedding in October............ and have 2 outfits for youngest daughter's......... i just have to model them and decide which i feel most comfortable in !!!



Then lunch ...... and home for a good beating........ to make sure everything was focused and grounded and under control once again.......
no warm up....... just an old fashioned good whipping.. that left me panting and gasping and begging for breath........ of course Sir had to clip on the blessed bear bell.. just to make sure i had lots to focus on......... whip the ass... feel the bell swing and tug and the clit throb .. feel the ass burn....... feel the energy ......... feel who is in charge.. give it all up and over .. (sort of like a religion.. turn it all over to a 'higher being' - works for me !)

So the drama has been cut in half.......... and i feel safe coming back here to write.. no fear of too much drama ......... no fear of sounding way too theatrical.......... things are focused.. lists are being tackled.. life WILL return to normal...........

personality traits.....

On Sunday evening Sir and i were watching the TV show "Monk"........ (i am hoping the show grows on me)........ Anyway...... half way through the show there was an ad that started off by saying "How monkish are you?" i (silly me) laughed at the quiz they were pushing...... Sir on the other hand... thought it would be a good idea if i took it....... in fact He thought it was such a good idea He set it as a task to complete.

So i took it.

And if i could have - i would have posted the results..... but it wouldn't let me even cut and paste.......... the long and short of it was....... i am "very monkish"...... i like things orderly and clean......

Then yesterday i was reading my blogs...... and kaya had taken this personality quiz....... and i thought why not?? so i took it too.......

Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily, however you experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up, however you mostly assume that people are honest and fair, however you are wary and hold back from trusting people completely. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. i was thinking afterwards - that some think those traits are a bit neurotic... maybe they are.... but they are who i am.... and i am where i am because of them..... yes i am neat .. and clean.. and yes i do often times get a bit panicky and feel a little helpless when i am under stress.. and oh my god yes i make lists and plans ........ but considering most days i am trying to keep all the plates in the air - i need lists and plans......... and i believe all those traits are what make me want to come home to Sir and let Him take control......... and allow me to ignore the lists and plans and stress and noise and confusion....... and just be me.. the quiet lil subbie ...........

How to........

What advice would you give to the submissives online who are looking for a master?

i am not the least bit sure i am the one to give advice on how to find a Master online - considering the dismal success Sir and i have had in finding another submissive on line. i have such mixed feelings about online anything.

i have said so many times online you can be anything - anyone you wish to be. And online can become such a fantasy world. AND i believe that some people even began to believe they ARE this online persona.

i would think that finding a Master online should pretty much be like finding one in real time. i would look for someone who interests me.. holds my attention.. is fun to chat with, knows how to laugh, and has a good heart. i would look for someone to be a friend first, a lover second, and a Master third. i would look for someone who is consistent in all things... who takes care of his belongings - be it car or house - with love and if he has older parents or children - who shows love and patience towards them. i would look for someone who has a joie de vie that matches mine....... a desire to socialize and be with friends.... and who enjoys his quiet alone times equally as much.

i would expect this prospective Master to not be in a hurry to "cut to the good stuff" - to want and need to get to know me - the ins and outs of who and what i am - as i would want to get to know Him. i would want to see the tender manly side of Him before i deal with his domly side.

AND i would use my instincts to feel the domly side within him - how he deals with life's challenges - with confidence and an air of authority.

Those things are as important to me as the BDSM things....... can he throw a whip?? hold a flogger?? does His checklist of "do's" pretty much match mine....... does He understand how to take baby steps in pushing limits, does He have the patience to take baby steps in pushing limits??

All of this learning about - getting to know - doesn't happen in a day or a week...... and in my opinion happens more truthfully face to face than online.

And this - dear readers - is just my opinion!

lions and tigers and bears - oh my !!!

i managed to get the back patio cleaned up ....... and get 2 of the 4 trellises stained yesterday....... it felt so good to be working outside in the spring sunshine. i took a 'tour' around the garden and the lilac bush is in bud... i see some other little hardy plants pushing their way up through the frozen earth..........

The squirrels are back to dig up the nuts they hid last fall.... and they are cheekier than ever.. don't seem the least bit concerned i am working not 2 feet away from them....... as i dumped the gravel from the roof down the side of the patio - against one of the trellis - i remembered the skunk that used to winter under the patio.....and hoped that either i sealed him in (if he was back this winter) OR i woke him from his winter slumbers and he caught the hint it is time to move on...... i grumbled over the smells of cats (not lions and tigers - more the domesticated sort) who have used my gardens as their own personal 'powder room' over the last 7 months - my god the smell !!!! i am thinking i might try moth balls again...... i spread them over the garden one year and that managed to discourage them....... yet last spring when i tried it.. i actually caught one delicately using a paw to roll them out of the way !!!

Sir being the ever vigilant .. ever caring Sir... decided if i was going to work outside with all the wild life.. i should be protected. So early in the morning, Sir called me over to Him and clipped on the bear bell. (Remember the hunt for the bear bell?? i should have known ! that as soon as Sir was here it was gonna be wakened from its long hibernation )

i know it doesn't look like much..... but my god it is heavy.......and it sways so nicely .. and pulls my clit hood down down down....... i kept having pictures of a National Geographic variety....... of African woman with huge holes in their ears and the ear lobes hanging down to their shoulders.

Sir would clip it on... and have me go about whatever it was i had to do.. when i was close to tears because the pain was beyond endurance He would remove it for a while. BUT .. it kept going back on.... training my hood to take the extra weight.. He even had me wear the bell while He had me over the ottoman cropping my ass.. if He didn't hear the bell ring He would hit harder OR make me spread my legs wider and would hit the bell - making it swing .........

i won't say there weren't times that the tension built up in my belly ..making me drip and i almost (notice i said 'almost') asked for permission to cum........ but i am NOT that stupid.. Sir would have decided that cumming would be done by tugging and playing with the bear bell....... and my hood is nowhere near trained enough to try that lil adventure !!

i am pleased to report though.... that the bear bell worked.... after a full morning working outside........ not one bear poked their head into my lil corner of the universe !!!

spring chores

Sometime in March - with an overload of snow on the flat roofs ...... the association came around and cleared the worst snow covered roofs. i had a good 6 foot mountain of snow on my back patio........ complete with loose gravel from the roof.

The snow has slowly melted leaving me with gravel between the patio stones.. in the grooves of the patio stones and underneath the patio stones. Only one thing to do...... sweep the worst off the top and then lift and stack each patio stone till the original cement base was left ...... and sweep that. (can i say back breaking work??)




i started it yesterday morning - early, VERY very early. i managed to get half done....... and then Sir and i were off with eldest daughter to town to purchase yards and yards AND yards of material for her wedding dress.



i was absolutely dreading this shopping trip...... finding just the right materials.... yes materials.. some white some chocolate brown.. crinoline material... lining material..zippers and buttons .. but the seamstress had made a list and there was a sales person just standing around waiting for us ........... list handed over.. bolts and bolts of material just kept appearing .. white, cream, ivory, chocolate brown, bolts and bolts of the stuff... but it didn't take that long to make all the selections....... gather it all up and head out on the next challenge...........

Finding just the right lingerie to wear underneath this wedding dress........

Sir and i had joked about taking her to our favourite BDSM shop Il Bolero ......... they also sell lingerie.. bustiers and corsets, and sexy lil lacy things... Eldest daughter's seamstress had recommended the BEST lingerie shop in town...... (wait for it........ see it coming??)
We walked a few city blocks checking addresses.. getting closer and closer to Il Bolero when finally there it was #6848 and we were standing in front of Il Bolero!!! i handed eldest daughter over to Johnny the owner and sat down and let her model the bustiers .... relaxing, entertaining and not the least bit stressful!!

Finally home we came with lingerie and material bags in tow....... i had no energy left to work on the patio..... but that's ok... i am working on it today.............

And if there ever was a doubt that spring has finally arrived in here in the Great White North.......... that doubt was put to rest early this morning when the honking of the Canadian Geese was heard in the distance........ and then.. there they were flying directly over head......... announcing loudly the arrival of spring..........






Sir.......it would seem.......... has an entirely different way of judging that spring has arrived..... check it out...

Limits

Back to the questions this morning........

What limits or boundaries do you have when it comes to the relationship/hard limits. Is there anything that you would never do - no matter what?

At the very VERY beginning.... Sir sent me 12 pages of BDSM activities that i had to fill in.. things i loved to do.. things i would love to try.. things i would do but wasn't fussy over .. and things i would never do !!!

Then Sir had His own 'no fly list' which He called the trilogy "health, family, work".

Both of those lists of limits have long since disappeared........ it happens when trust and respect builds..... and when you become 'one'...... the lines between family and health and work fade and disappear......... and His wants become first and foremost in my mind.

BUT there are still some things that make me go ewwwwwwww..

Sir has this thing for looking at pictures on the net of voyeurs or exhibitionists .... women often in naked in public........ vanilla public. i always said i would never EVER do that..... yet there have been times when i have felt daring....... and have flashed Sir. One time was at the Old Fort at Kingston....... we were alone in the dungeon area and i lifted my dress .. Sir snapped a photo for posterity (god only knows where it is now)....... And there was a time recently in one of the big box stores that we were alone in an aisle and Sir lifted my top........flash the security cameras !! BUT i don't think i could / would ever walk down a street topless... or naked......... i keep telling Sir i am sure those pictures He gets are taken in Europe where we all know they are much more forgiving.........

Another limit i have....... is sexual play in public....... even though there is a semi private club we visit where there are nights that one can actually have sexual play....... i can't do it.. i just can't.... i panic - BIG time panic. i am not entirely sure why..... after all i have seen others do it.......... maybe it stems from the time my ex video taped a love making session...... and i saw how i actually looked......... my god !!!!!!!!!!! i can still have nightmares thinking about the facial expressions.. the moans the groans.. the contortions!! Once at this club.... i was on the cross with my ass stuck out taking the whipping..... and Sir moved in close and started to pinch my ass..... well not exactly my ass.. but between the cheeks... and i was doing the subbie jig ....... cause ya know that really hurts !!!...... when i realized how it would look to those watching... and i started to cry and beg Sir to stop......... when He asked me what was wrong and why .. i explained that it would look like He was fucking my ass....... and He said "SO??" but He stopped cause He realized it was playing havoc with my emotions.

There are only a few things i would never ever do....... hard limit........ RED.
Those are ......... no children........ no animals....... nothing that would put my life in danger. (i guess all the others are just wobbling hard limits)

Cleanliness......all that and then some.

Four years ago Sir took me to have my clit hood pierced (now that isn't news i know.. but stay with me.. it is an integral part of this morning's story) ....... He chose a ring called a bondage ball - because He had visions of ropes going through it..... and my weeping (i am sure) in fear.

However not long after i was pierced Sir and i were in a new pet store...... and we were looking for new and interesting toys for the cats...... and lo and behold didn't Sir find a cat bell........ i made some comment about "belling the cat" and Sir counted with "more like "belling the pussy" and the wee small bell was purchased.



Many a social occasion i would arrive discretely clothed .. and everyone else would hear a faint bell tinkling....... that caused such amusement for Sir...... He would call me over and have me stand in the middle of the group .. lift my skirt .. spread my legs and show everyone where the soft tinkling was coming from........ my hidden bell. He would joke about "belling the pussy".......

Then one bright fall day we had taken a train trip out into the country and had spent a glorious lunch hour wandering around this quaint village full of tourist trap shops......... and i found a "bear bell" it was explained to me that hikers clipped these bells to their back backs when hiking to scare away the bears...... i thought it sounded a bit like an urban legion...... but i liked the bell...... so with Sir's permission i bought it....... and had every intention of clipping it to the back pack i took to work.......


You can see from the picture how much bigger and heavier it is compared to the pussy bell........ but then bear's are bigger than pussies....

That bell never made it to my back pack....... no sireeeee !! Sir decided after He had the gauge changed on my piercing .... that the bear bell would replace the pussy bell .......... it didn't so much tinkle as go ding dong...... not nearly as discrete or melodic...... but that didn't bother Sir one little bit!!!!

And somewhere along the line the bear bell disappeared....... it honestly and truly disappeared in a puff of smoke. i couldn't find it.... all the threatened punishments in the world didn't make the bear bell appear...... even Sir had a look for it ........ it had just vanished !!!

And so Sir went back to the pussy bell....... when He wanted to totally humiliate me.

Now fast forward to Monday and a discussion i had with Sir about driving on fumes...... and filling up the car with 35+ liters of gas. Sir asked how many liters the tank held....... and i asked if i was really supposed to know that?? After all .......if i get really really low on gas.. there is a cute lil picture that appears on the dash warning me i am running on fumes. Sir told me to look in the car manual.... i asked if i was supposed to know where THAT was??

So a task was set for yesterday....... i was to find the car manual (apparently you are supposed to keep it in the glove compartment of the car !!! ) find out how many liters my fuel tank held - and then make sure the manual made it to the glove compartment.

Sooooo yesterday i opened the glove compartment - hoping against hope this manual was actually where it was supposed to be....... it wasn't........ my glove compartment was filled with tapes for the car - maps - pens - miscellaneous scraps of paper with vital information on them like shopping lists - so old they were yellowed. i decided in my subbie wisdom - if i was gonna find this manual and actually get it back in the glove compartment i had better clean it out........ and clean it i did !!! And lo and behold .......... under all the scraps of paper.. under all the pens and tapes and maps was........... you guessed it ......... the bear bell!!!

So now the bear bell is back in the house...... and i am sure sure sure Sir will have it clipped to the clit jewelry very soon....... stretching and pulling on the piercing.. making me walk spread legged because damn it !! it hurts to have said bell banging against my thigh..... tugging harder on my jewelry........

And this morning the car manual - which i found in the office in a box of cd's (don't ask the logic of that one) will be returned to the now near empty glove compartment of the car.............

oh yeah....... and the fuel tank holds 45 liters of gas (for anyone who really cares!!)

Early Saturday morning musings......

My morning routine is pretty 'routine'........ doesn't matter what day of the week it is.. first things first.. glass of juice and a pill..... while the coffee drips........ then coffee upstairs in the office while i read my emails.. read some blogs and wait for the heart to start pumping and the eyes to fully open.......

Saturday and Sunday are a wee bit different.......... i actually make breakfast at 8:30 sharp for Sir.. toast and coffee.. same menu every week......... simple actually.... most weekends Sir glares at me over the paper as i sit there with Him .. sipping my second cuppa... but rarely if ever actually consuming anything that resembles 'breakfast'....... i HATE breakfast.

BUT with the end of the pill regime... and spring arriving.. and feeling a certain - rebirth - i decided this week to eat healthier..... actually 'try' and choke down something solid around breakfast time........

And so this morning as Sir ate His toast...... drank His coffee and read the paper...... i choked down a 'smart' bagel (you know .......the ones that taste like white bread - but actually have the goodness of whole wheat - which i also hate!!)

Sir made some comment - god only knows what - i was choking down the bagel remember?? and i made some cheeky subby comment back - it all had to do with a whip........ which i knew for certain was not on the main level - because i had actually put the toys away this week - back down in the play room....... Sir went to the table in the hallway and rustled around in a drawer and came back with a little flogger..

Now anyone who says size doesn't matter....... needs to remember the saying.. it isn't the size but what you do with it that matters!!! Sir told me to stand and bend over the table... i asked - all sweet and innocent like - "during breakfast Sir???" to which He tapped the table and smiled devilishly at me...

So i rose and bent over the corner of the table.. and wham bam thank you ma'am.. my ass was being whipped rosy red and burning hot by this little flogger.........


twice actually during breakfast i was ordered to bend over the table ......

i have to say ........ it made for an interesting breakfast........ but now i wonder.. was i being rewarded for eating breakfast?? if that is the case....... i should have started eating breakfast a longgggggggg time ago !!!

Oh happy Day.........

Most of you who read here regularly know i love to illustrate my words...... so most blog entries start with a search for an appropriate picture.

This morning i had a happy announcement to make (well happy for me) and i went looking for "happy dance" as in 'see me do the happy dance around my office' .......... i just had to share with you some of the pictures that Google Images coughed up to fit my search.........


ok. now i can sorta get this one...... i did say "dance" ...........





and i can get this one...... cause belly dancing make all sorts of folks happy...both dancer and watcher.........




male strippers??? do they do a 'happy dance' ?? do they make a Mr. Happy??? do they make the ladies happy?? ok ok i kinda guess they fit into the search ......... sort of..........




Now this one??!!!! was a lap dance gone oh so very wrong !!!!!!!!!





BUT this one?? how does anyone equate THIS with a 'happy dance'?? ok ok.. maybe the guy who ordered it??? colour me amazed......... colour me shocked....... colour me - curious??



Now i feel a little bit like Goldilocks.. this one is too cold.. this one is too hot...
and this one...........

THIS ONE IS JUST RIGHT!!

Last night i took the last of my lil white pills....... see me do the happy dance around my office??? i am done .. finished...... bottle empty......... 4 long months that seemed to never end.......... done!

Now i have a couple of weeks of suffering from the effects....... and then in a month (give or take) i have another biopsy......... and i was remembering 6 long months ago when all this started that i asked everyone who believed in fairies to clap... and you did.. and i got semi good news..........

wait for it.. i am gonna be asking again......... in 4 weeks or so.. for more positive thoughts.. for more clapping.. for everyone to B E L I E V E........ so this bump in the journey can be completely finished !!

But for now.. i am doing the dance of joy - no more lil white pills !!!

Focusing the mind

On Monday night i was supposed to do the clamp task on my pussy........ But because i never really did get around to organizing the tax papers i explained it away.......

Last night however - not only was the task hanging over my head... so were the tax papers as i have to get them to the accountant's as soon as possible..........

So at 5:00 p.m. i sat down at my desk - with a pile of papers in front of me.. and the clamps beside me.. i was bone weary ....... i kept looking at the phone hoping it would ring (but then Sir had warned me.. phone or no phone the task was to be done!)

Truthfully i HATE tax time.. i hate math you see.. always have.. and even having an accountant to unravel the mysteries of tax time for me doesn't help much...... i gather everything that i think i need.......... and inevitably the accountant calls me a week a later and scolds me because i have forgotten something or other.. and then when it is all done....... he expects me to sit down with him while he goes over every line..... and i am supposed to understand it!!!! (and i seldom do - but smile sweetly at him and lie through my teeth) ughhhhh i hate tax season!!

So stomach in knots .. papers in front of me.. i gingerly placed the clamps on my pussy. Now Sir hadn't told me which clamps to use.. the sliders or the clovers...... and i decided that the sliders were the best idea..... trainers we use to call them .. cause they can be adjusted and not tighten with every move..........AND Sir had decided the clamping pussy torture would be zen like.. 20 minutes on.. 20 minutes off... (wax on grasshopper wax off)

and so i got started going through the papers .. grouping them into like groups - medical in one pile....... computer stuff in another...... and i was going along quite nicely......20 minutes on 20 minutes off.. one huge pile of paper being whittled down to smaller groups of papers......... until........ i couldn't find one receipt........

i eyed the cupboard where i keep the file box that holds the tax papers.. it looked to be miles away......... miles i say.. and it would feel like miles with the clamps attached to my pussy........

i eased myself up out of the chair with little or no damage to pussy....... walked spread legged across the room - slowly........ very very slowly ........... chain dangling pulling the pussy lips down.. stretching them.. making them burn..... rifled through the box only to discover the receipt wasn't there.. PROBLEM....... big problem....... where to look with chains dangling....... then the light bulb went on over my head and i realized it is probably at school in THAT office (god some days i have way too many places to store papers) .. and so i slowly waddled back to my chair.. holding the arms tightly i slowly lowered myself back into it..

The chain snagged and twisted and i let go of one arm of the chair to untwist and unsnag said chain.. the chair being on wheels decided at that point to roll backwards away from my ass which was lowering itself gingerly downwards.. i grabbed the chair sat down quickly - more quickly than i originally intended and oh my god that hurt !!! took me forever to sort out the chains twisted and tugging.. and i admit it... i loosened the sliders...

20 minutes off 20 minutes on........ and finally the tax papers were done.. the pussy had lapsed into a slow comfy burn...... and all was right with the world......

task completed.. tax papers almost in order (i do have to look for that bloody receipt today at work) ............ it was very zen like.. wax on....... grasshopper ...... wax off.......

Mind games

or maybe a better title would be "games the mind plays".......

Lucky spoiled subbie i am .. Sir came out to the Island and took me for lunch yesterday...... to a little blues place that makes the world's best smoke meat and fries.. the nausea monster was napping and so i gobbled down the greasy yummy smoke meat (not on any diet i know of) and it tasted so good....... the sunshine warmed my body.. and the blues took me miles away from the mess that is work....... As we were finishing up lunch Sir told me that He would be out for dinner..... and that if i felt like it.. perhaps a little pussy training would be in order for the evening........ clamps - 20 minutes on 20 minutes off - how long i asked from when to when?? Sir said wear them when you are organizing your tax receipts...

On the drive back to work..... i questioned Sir.. probed and prodded and probably made a perfect ass of myself.......... "it is easier to be ordered than left to my own decision You know Sir" "why didn't You just order it?" and each question brought the same answer.. "if your body is up to it then do it........ if your body is not up to then don't" BUT i got to decide .. and you know that just isn't right....... too much wiggle room....... and yeah yeah i know Sir wasn't gonna be with me so how would He know if my body was up for it after a long day at work.. and on day #6 of the lil white pills?? only i would know.. and yet .. and still.. i wanted the order.. my strength is weak.. my strength of conviction and dedication even more so........

On the way home i thought long and hard.... about clamps on my pussy..... it is truthfully just about the only thing that doesn't hurt.. isn't fatigued.. isn't nauseous..... and so why not clamps on it while i gather up and organize my tax receipts???

Supper - or what passed for supper - over ..... i went up to the office and pulled out the box that holds the receipts......... and................. the phone rang......... almost an hour later i hung up.. and looked at the box of receipts and tugged out a few papers ........... and........
the phone rang again..........

Before i knew it the body had given up the ghost.. it was definitely bath and bedtime.....
Now i wonder this morning....... did i fail at the task of clamping my pussy?? Not in the terms that were set down... i was to do them while i worked on the receipts.. i never actually got to the receipts....... so i didn't actually goof off............

BUT in the back of my mind is the thought..... i could have done the clamps while i was chatting on the phone.. i could have.......... ahhhhhhhh the games the mind can play......

short and sweet

This entry is gonna be short and sweet....

i have posted a lengthy post to the Yes Miss blog......... about our session with andrew yesterday.........

andrew brought up something that got me to thinking..... he asked why no one commented on my blog....... (he meant the Yes Miss blog) but i wonder why no one comments on any of my blogs........ except for dear Buffalo - who hardly lets a blog go by without some encouragement.........

i know i am not boring folks to death.....i have nearly 200 hits a day..... and most are return visitors........... no one has anything to add?? to criticize?? mind you .. i will admit.. i don't always comment either... tit for tat??

slow saturday

It was a slowish Saturday....... i am on my 5th day of the 4th month of my lil white pills and moving slow .. feeling slow.. and slowly coming to the realization that this is the LAST month of lil white pills (see me doing the dance of joy - albeit a slow dance of joy??) Only one more biopsy to go through and (fingers crossed) a clean bill of health and life will (hear me?? W I L L !!) return to normal.

Anyway........ Sir did a little cropping of my inner thighs and pussy in the morning... allowing me to remain reclined in the lazy boy - and oh my god it hurt!! BUT a good hurt.. a wonderful hurt !!

Amazing - after a Friday of snow squalls and 5 more cms of snow - Saturday had dawned almost spring like !!! Sir suggested we get our acts together and drive out to the country to our favourite Irish Pub for lunch. Sounded like a splendid idea to me... even when Sir added that He thought i should wear a full body harness .. it still sounded like a splendid idea!!

i fussed a little bit when the ropes started going on.. it had been a long time... and it felt constraining (geeeeez it is supposed to feel constraining - but my mind and body don't always agree on what i can tolerate) Sir allowed me to wear panties - something that has never happened before.. and my heart sank a little bit - but health comes first and one of the side effects of the lil white pills is leakage (ok ok i know TMI ) but that is the truth.. and panties have become a necessity ...... to avoid embarrassing moments.

i missed the bite of the ropes against my pink bits.. there is something very intimate about the ropes fitting into the nooks and crannies.. the knots pressing ever so nicely against all the right bits.. oh the knots still pressed and rubbed....... but somehow it just didn't feel quite the same.

And Sir was kind to me.. making sure that the ropes weren't too tight.. that they fit comfortably....... yet despite all His tender loving care - getting into the car.. was a challenge of ropes cutting deeper into tender flesh.. and it seems once they have cut their path into my tender flesh they stay there.. digging deeper and deeper despite all my wiggling and adjusting and deep breathing.

We had a wonderful lunch sitting in the sunshine of the big windows of the Irish Pub.... watching the world come out of hibernation and make its way up and down the main street - people laughing and talking - coats coming off - hair left free to blow in the spring breezes... everyone - including myself - turning a blind eye to the fact there are still mountains of snow every where.

Lunch over - we had plans to run some messages on the way home.. But Sir looked at me and questioned if i had "hit the wall" with the ropes....... and i all but cried.. yes i had hit the wall.. i wanted them off.. they irritated me.. they hurt.. i was done. So home we came first - before the messages and the ropes were gently and carefully removed from my body...... i was disappointed in myself.. only managed to have them on for just over 2 hours....... no where near my record..... but considering all the factors - and the fact that there were rope marks on the old body........ it hadn't gone so badly at all !!!

And now for your viewing pleasure.. my rope harness...

living it versus playing it..

This morning as i was 'trying' to make the bed - Sir found the quirt and was taking target practice on my ass each time i bent over to straighten out a crease or pull up a sheet or pick up the pillows......... it was not meant to send me to fairy land....... it was not meant to be enjoyable .. it was meant to be amusing for Sir... and it succeeded (i assume from the grin on His face)

Later i read a post by drakor about sessions versus (i am honestly not sure what to call it) free flow BDSM - where the BDSM happens during the day ... during tasks and household chores.

And it got me to thinking............. i think it must be very difficult to meld BDSM play with normal every day activities when you are only meeting for the sole purpose of playing...... don't you think??? i can not imagine meeting someone for the first session and expect the same level of torture that comes from being with someone for weeks and months or years........

Ugh i am not explaining myself well .........

The type of play that Sir enters into with me.... the quirt on the ass while i make the bed - would not have happened when He was only coming over for a couple of hours on a Friday afternoon....... that kind of intimate play comes from being together regularly....... it comes from His evil mind and His evil desire to keep me guessing.. and it comes from both of us knowing each other deeply and fully.



It was the same when drakor served Sir and i.... it became quite easy to tie his balls in a rope leash and have him wash the floor while i kept the rope nice and taut - with an extra tug or two to make sure he was concentrating........ It was not meant to send him to fairy land.. it was not even meant to be enjoyable - it was meant to amuse me.. and it did!! BECAUSE Sir and i know drakor deeply and fully.

Now with the new boy - andrew - we are no where close to being able to have that kind of interaction....... and i question if we ever will........ because it means allowing someone 'in' .. opening up and letting them actually become a part of the relationship........ without that 'letting in' then i believe all the submissive or slave can (or should) expect - is a half decent (ok ok maybe bloody good) session..... hung from the chains.. and tortured......

But living the BDSM........... nope that doesn't come from a casual commitment to BDSM ....... it comes with a full commitment .........

and that .. dear readers ...... is just my opinion......

Pleasure

No i haven't forgotten all the questions you so kindly gave me when i had 'writer's block' ......... i have been hoarding them for dull moments with no inspiration - like this morning.........

So on to the next question.........


What gives you the most pleasure from the lifestyle? and of course Why?




oh wait......... you didn't mean my morning cup of coffee - that pries my eyes open and kick starts the brain - did you??? (cheeky grin)


Ok.. being serious........ the list of things that give me pleasure is so long it is hard to whittle it down to the ONE thing....... or ONE set of things......

IF i was a good submissive (a slave even) i would answer without hesitation - serving my Sir... making His meals - bringing Him His drinks - checking He takes His pills and does His sugar tests... doing His laundry..... all the service orientated things...........
BUT i am not a good submissive (or slave even) so serving doesn't bring me the greatest pleasure........

IF i was a good submissive (a slave even) i would say following Sir's orders and wishes without question.........
BUT i am a feisty bratty submissive - and some times i question and whine and pout and try all manner of things to get me out of an order....... even though i usually do enjoy - get pleasure - from finally doing what was ordered........

So i guess i have to say the one thing that gives me the greatest amount of pleasure is when Sir and i have a mind blowing scene...... with me restrained to some large apparatus ....... enduring whips and floggers and tawses and paddles.....

i specifically enjoy the ones when my mind set is ready.... when Sir's mind set is ready and we 'click' - really click - together........ when it feels as though we are one .. joined together by whatever toy is connecting with my body..... when the welts and the pain builds slowly and floods my brain ....... when the touch of His hand sends shivers down my body..... when my body is trembling from the pain and His touch........ when i feel Him move in between my legs and pull my hips firmly back to Him.. when i feel Him slide into me .....when my world shrinks down to the size of my pussy and the juices flow as He ignores my whimpers and fucks me while i am hung from the apparatus with ass burning from the toys ........ when i feel the orgasm building inside of me.. like a tidal wave building and building and then crashing towards the shore........ and that is when i cry out the request for permission to cum....... and when i squirt all over Sir and myself and the rug.........

And when Sir doesn't stop there..........but wipes up the soaking juices and spreads them over my ass and reaches for the next toy... and i can smell myself.. and the sting of the next toy bites into the wet ass and does more damage.....

When Sir plays and plays until i have no idea which way is up... or what time it is.. or who i am......... when Sir takes me down from the large apparatus and i crumble at His feet and thank Him - head over His feet - barely able to form the words "thank You Sir" and then feeling Him help me up and into a warm snuggly..... and hold me gently and lovingly.........

THAT has to be the one thing that brings me the most pleasure.. that re-vitalizes me and energizes me ... and makes the world seem like a much better place......

Juicy bits

And now for the juicy bits about the weekend....... (come on now.. confess - it really is what you all want to read about !!)

Let's start off with my fet wear for the night........ one of the more positive side effects of these lil white pills i have been taking for the last 3 months is that i seem to have lost weight.... (who knew??) and discovered much to my delight that one of my corsets actually fit again!! and no i have no pictures of myself in it... which is probably a good thing too.. because i think if i had a picture of me in it.... i might never wear it again.... it is not subdued.. it is not delicate or dainty..... it makes me feel wild (loosely translated - makes me feel like a slut) and makes me feel as though a whole lot more is being exposed than should be ........ it is red and black and lacy...... and leaves my ass showing and my pussy...... ugh......

Anyway on Saturday evening after a BIG dinner i put on thigh high black stockings.. knee high lace up leather boots..... a black thong (cause i don't care how much showing pink bits doesn't matter at these parties - i am at least going in more or less covered!!) and then proceeded to squish my body in to the corset............. (mental note - trying on a corset in the early morning on an empty stomach does NOT mean the damn thing is gonna fit as comfortably after a BIG dinner)

Then reached for my coat - and stopped dead.......... i had worn - what my mother always called 'a car coat' up......... It barely covered my ass!!! how in god's name was i gonna walk through the hotel lobby with my ass hanging out??? (light bulb moment - pull on the black trousers i had worn up as well ) and i did.. and i managed to walk out of the hotel without raising too many eyebrows.

We got to the party in more or less one piece - my feet were already hurting from being in high heel boots (i rarely wear anything higher than a loafer so my feet were screaming at me in less than 20 minutes - how was i gonna survive hours???!!) We got upstairs and i gaped at the crowd....... no one.. i repeat NO ONE .. was dressed in fet clothes..... in fact everyone was wearing vanilla clothing.. no bare skin to be seen.. no pink bits.. or wiggly bits.. and here i was all decked out in my corset............ i prayed to the BDSM gods to protect me!!! to make me invisible!!!

My first stop - after saying hello to hostess and submissive - was at the bar to pay our yearly dues..... and i mumbled to the boi serving me that i was gonna die ........... i had yet to remove my black trousers...... and he said "go for it" as he oogled my boobs.

It didn't take long for Sir to realize i was still sporting trousers and the order came to remove them........ thank god the club was darkish.. no one could see me blushing!! Even the offer from the Dom in a kilt to lift the kilt and expose his ass did nothing to make me feel more at ease. But the trousers came off and were stored away safely with our coats.

It really was an odd sort of evening........ no one really got down to naked - or fet clothing all night.. most staying comfy in their vanilla street clothes... and not many played either four or five couples i believe........

Sir decided that we would use the whipping post for the evening.......



mainly because it was just off to the side enough that He hoped He would be able to use some of the toys that require swinging.. the gorean whip, the circus whip etc...

Now that Sir and i don't play publicly as much as we used to ...... it takes me some time to find my space.. it is difficult to hear the other toys going smack... or thud.. it is difficult to listen to the other subs moaning or crying out and stay within "our" space. And i tend to turn my head a lot and try and see what is going on around me. Sir had packed our blind fold and i was more than a little happy when He slapped it on me.. it made it a tad easier to stay with Him.. stay in our scene.

And what a scene it was....... Sir took His time.. He was obviously in no hurry to get me up and bring me down..... because He started off slow and easy.... warming me up!!! (who knew Sir remembered how to do to THAT??!! see my cheeky grin??) it was a nice steady pace that i was more than able to keep up with....... all manner of wicked evil toys were used... and i loved it...... i remember - at one point - sticking my ass out further offering Sir my ass .. wanting the next strike... and i remember .. at one point.. hoping and praying that Sir wouldn't stop at just that point to ask me "who loves you?" and the "how do you know?" question that He uses to gage my level of awareness.. because i was in that perfect place.... on the edge .. just ready to take that giant step over the edge and reach out for my fairies that were dancing round round in front of me... And Sir didn't ask.. and i did take the step....... and later .. much later .. i was wrapped up in Sir's arms .. watching the pretty lights and thinking how wonderful the world was..... and who cared that my ass was hanging out?? or that my feet hurt so bad they were numb........ My fairies were there.. and all was right with the world..........


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and for those of you who keep track of these things..... i posted April’s story to the Fictional Journey....

walking tour......

As much as i would have liked to post this entry yesterday - my hours at school were extended and by the time i finally fell through the door here at home.. it was too late........... so .. better a day late than not at all -

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Still continuing along on our 'vanilla' trip this past weekend...

We don't usually walk around our Nation's Capital - but this weekend because our hotel was located smack dab in the center of town - we did a lot more walking about than usual.... and it is amazing the little things you come across that you never notice when driving.........

For example we found this odd painted box - called a 'swap box' hanging on a telephone pole..........

i actually opened it to discover inside a shoe horn and a small object that looked like a flattened rubber duck....... i did NOT want to pull it out and check to see exactly what it was... my obsession with dirt and germs dontcha know..... but i was sorry i didn't have anything to add to the box.........

In another area of the city we came across an old convent - from the 1700's and it had what i am guessing was the very first public clock...........

Can you make out the sun dials on each corner of the building?? i have always wondered how sun dials actually work.......... i guess the first step would be re-learning my roman numerals...........

On our way to the Canadian Mint (as in money - not peppermint) i found this intriguing 25 cent piece...... (who says subs are a dime a dozen?? looks like doms come four for a buck)


After the mint - we decided to go and give the Aviation museum a quick tour....... Sir has wanted to visit it every since we started going up to Ottawa..... but there never seemed enough time...... This weekend we were in no hurry to rush home....... so off we went...

My dad served in the Air Force in WWII and so i couldn't resist taking a picture of their insignia......

sort of a tribute to him..........

and then just some random shots of aircraft that caught my eye - (absolutely no rhyme or reason to the pictures - except i liked them)

A German WWII fighter plane complete with gunner

One of the earlier sea planes loading supplies for our Northern settlements

A Stewardess standing outside a TCA passenger plane -
and yeah i am old enough to remember that one !!!

just to show how the planes are not only grounded in the museum but 'flying' as well...

And that i think just about covers our 'vanilla' part of the weekend - still to come - the private play party!!

For those of you anxious to hear about the BDSM side of the weekend - there is a new post on Yes Miss..that tells about our shopping trip for our new slave boy andrew...... and an interesting scene i took in at the party...........