Quick Question

 

 

Ever since ronnie asked me about our TTWD I have been mulling over our relationship - especially the term submissive/submission.

I am drafting a blog on submission........ but I would really like some input.  (really NEED some input?)

I have 2 quick questions to pose to you...... if you can find time over the holiday weekend to leave me your answers that would be wonderful............ 

1) what is the one thing you do that brings out the submissive mind set for you (and not cooking / cleaning etc - vanilla housewife stuff )

2) what is the one ritual/rule - thing you do - that you do NOT like but do because your dom/master (whatever you call the left side of the slash) asks you to.... 

I promise this will all make sense - at least that's my hope (cheeky grin)

Jabber Jabber

I had posted a rather lengthy whiny post this morning ........... and when I was at the gym... when I was at the drugstore .. when I was working.. I kept thinking it really was TMI... me and my sexual hang ups... le sigh... 

Suffice it to say my inner voices have killed what little sensuality I had........ and trust me when I say I didn't have very much.  The inner voices kept repeating (like a mantra) good girls don't............ OR ... she's not very good at oral but what can you expect ... stuff like that.... 

And I posted here cause it's always been my place to just let the voices out.............. but somehow today's post just didn't cut it for me.... I just kinda thought it was too personal to put out there........... 

So.........

The Inner Voices will continue to jabber .. jabber  and hopefully one day I will learn to turn them off ............  

Tumbling...........

Ok - put your thinking caps on and flex up your fingers.......... 

I have a mess of questions for you all........ 

What is this "tumblr" thing?

Yeah yeah I know you can post pics on it - and write blogs - but why tumblr over - say - blogspot??

If you have a tumblr account - or go to tumblr - how the hell do you comment?? I spent 30 minutes last night trying to figure it out.... I even googled how to comment and didn't get anywhere (see my sad face??)

How the hell do you navigate the site?

Can anyone help me understand here??? I am old and slow (obviously) and sadly just don't get it .........  (though I am beginning to think why do I need to "get it") 



 

Me me memememe

It is 6 something AM...... I am sitting here at my pc downing my first cup of coffee....... thinking/trying to plan my day....... 

On the one hand - that bloody (insert multiple expletives here) accounting program has got me beat..... can't get it to work at all !!!! am thinking I should just scrub the 2 months I have buggered up and start alllllllllllllll over again......... 

On the other hand - I am thinking maybe I should just take the day and pretty myself up - pamper myself - hot bubble bath - shave the pretty pink bits - manicure - facial .......... ya know ....... pamper myself.... 

W is coming to get me this afternoon and whisk me away to his place so we can go to this Halloween play party this evening..... and i am thinking do i want my head filled with more numbers and problems or do I want my tired addled brain - empty - His to fill up with happy thoughts - with dancing fairies and what nots..............after all the accounting program (and school mess) will all still be there on Monday.............. 

And - maybe - with some luck - W would agree to come next weekend and help me sort out the damn accounting program  - he uses one very similar all the time............ 


Trust me - a hot bath and pampering is looking very good..............................


BUT 


I have laundry to do........ and a house that needs cleaning................ 


God I hate the "virtues" my parents/grandmother instilled in me............ 


Pampering  .......... OR........... accounting........ OR .......... housework........ 


What to do ?? what to do??

Complacent

Complacent - means - uncritically satisfied with oneself.

That surprised me... i honestly thought complacent meant something more along the lines with laid back.. taking it easy - and i guess in a way it is the same thing......

Anyway.. i was thinking over the last few days how complacent i have become in my D/s , M/s relationship with Sir. It all seems so easy....... fetch His drinks, make sure He takes His pills on time, make sure the meals are made on time, wait for permission to enter a room, present my ass when Sir wishes to spank it or needle it or cut it.

Everything is just flowing along nicely.

Yet it has been nagging at me... and i didn't know why. It feels as though the other shoe is about to drop....... ya know what i mean?? like things are too good right now.. too easy. i know i know.. don't look for trouble !!

BUT being complacent isn't always a good place to be either. Shouldn't one always be striving for better.. for challenges.. for adventure???

Isn't it something - maybe just perhaps we should be apologizing for.. not patting ourselves on the back over???





Anyway all these thoughts have been running through my head lately...........maybe cause there was a bit of a rough patch over on the Heron Clan over the holidays... maybe it made me sit up and pay attention......... and realize how easy life is around here these days.

i don't get all worked up when it seems to be more vanilla than BDSM... i don't get all worked up when it is more BDSM than vanilla... i don't get worked up over how good the sessions are.. or how horny i am (which i'm not - which makes me wonder if this complacency is detracting from my animal instincts so to speak)

Life is just muddling along..............

Until this morning

When i read what swan wrote on ”starting over” i suddenly realized that's IT......... that's what's wrong. Sir and i aren't muddling along so to speak......... it is more that we have "settled".

And i don't think i like settled. i know over the last couple of years i have said and done things that have given Sir a "message" ........... not the message i actually intended........ but nevertheless a message. And Sir has done things that have given me a "message" ......... i would like to think is not the message He intended either....... but still a message.

i am thinking now complacent is more like settling.......... and i am not sure i like that .. not one little bit.

Now i don't have any answers.......... but then i had to pin down the question first right?? and i think i have............. now i just have to work on the answers so that Sir and i aren't "settled" .. aren't complacent.......... but continue to have a vibrant growing challenging (in a good way ) relationship.



And if all of this doesn't sound very "slave like" or "subbie like" to you........... oh BITE ME!!!!!

more thoughts on "family"

Ok.. so yesterday i touched on the subject of "Leather family"......... a .. what to call it?? ....... a phenomena i am trying to grasp/understand........

Originally i only heard about / learned about / read about leather families in print or on line. But then i heard about and finally met a Dominant here in the Great White North who was supposedly the head of a leather family. When i met him though he resembled someone more like a pop star..... surrounded by an entourage with adoring fans fawning over him. Personally ......... i wasn't much impressed. i thought he came across as an asshole... with a huge .. and i do mean HUGE ego. The other thing i noticed was ... he only had submissives.. i didn't see any other Dominants... and in my limited knowledge ... leather families involved submissives and Dominants....... plural.

The next time i came across what could possibly be considered a leather family was at a private party in the fall. There was a group of folks who arrived and immediately congregated together. i found it almost impossible to figure out who was who....... (sub .. dom etc) they all seemed fairly equal. The sexism in me tended to think / identify the male as the Dominant. When it came to play time they spread out and took over a rather large area ....... not mixing with anyone else and certainly not welcoming anyone else into their circle. If this was a leather family they were very insulated. During the evening i watched them..... and realized they must be a group of switches.. as each one of them seemed to take a turn on the receiving end of the floggers....... and that muddied the waters even more for me.. trying to sort out who was in control.......... because in my opinion.. in a family .. there should be some sort of head... someone in charge.

So i am left wondering .......... are there real leather families out there somewhere...... in the REAL world (sorry .. but anything can and does work on line. i tend to need real life experiences ....to believe. Just call me "doubting thomas")

If there are such things..... how do they work?? Does each Dominant rule the tribe of submissives/slaves?? or do they break down into individual couples that come together once in a while to play?? And if that is the case .. then how is that different from good friends getting together once in a while to play??

AND if leather familes DO exist in the real world.. how do you get one started?? How do all the dominants and submissives co-exist??

Anyone have any answers to my questions??

In case you all missed this bit in all the excitement of my new car............

This is Q & A month....

i am waiting for your questions...

ahhhhh come on folks.. some of you are new and haven't read ALL my blaterations right??

Dilemma

The renovations on Sir's house are underway ........ and believe it or not ( i couldn't believe it ) they are gonna work on Saturday !!! So i won't be seeing Sir until Sunday.. and the Grey Cup Game.

BUT i won't be that bored this weekend.. i have decided that i will probably drag some - if not all - the Christmas decorations upstairs and decorate the house - that is most definitely NOT a hardship for me......... well except maybe putting the outside lights up.... i think i will leave the tree.... for now. The grand kids will be coming to spend a Saturday with Sir and i .. while their mom and dad go finish off the Christmas shopping...and it would be fun to decorate the tree with them........... i love watching Sir and the eldest struggle to put up the lights !!!

But none of that is my dilemma.............

and i am hedging here.. trying to find the best way to word what is going round round in my head.........
First off .. a submissive is supposed to tell their Dominants any and all problems they are having......... right??
But what if the problem is something the Dominant expects them to handle??? a task let's say..that they are expected to work through and get done??

Now i know if i tell Sir my dilemma He will most probably take over and do it.. fix it so to speak........ but then i will feel like i failed Him.....

Now if i don't tell Him the problem..... and do the best job i can..... i will spend more than a few days sweating bullets.. worrying and stressing...........

Oh and in case you are all totally and completely confused.. this "task" for lack of a better word is something i am capable of doing.. it's just the thought of it scares the hell out of me.. it may be the one and only area where i am a "broken sparrow" sort of sub.

i am finding out .. real fast.. that after 7 years of being slave to Sir.. of turning everything over to Him.. that my weaknesses have grown into life size monsters, that do indeed hide under the bed and scare the hell out of me.

So .. folks.. do i suck it up.. cope with the stress and worry and just do IT.......
Or... folks.. do i tell Sir.. know He will come to my rescue (probably reluctantly) and i will for eternity feel like i have failed Him.........

what do i do??????????

How to........

What advice would you give to the submissives online who are looking for a master?

i am not the least bit sure i am the one to give advice on how to find a Master online - considering the dismal success Sir and i have had in finding another submissive on line. i have such mixed feelings about online anything.

i have said so many times online you can be anything - anyone you wish to be. And online can become such a fantasy world. AND i believe that some people even began to believe they ARE this online persona.

i would think that finding a Master online should pretty much be like finding one in real time. i would look for someone who interests me.. holds my attention.. is fun to chat with, knows how to laugh, and has a good heart. i would look for someone to be a friend first, a lover second, and a Master third. i would look for someone who is consistent in all things... who takes care of his belongings - be it car or house - with love and if he has older parents or children - who shows love and patience towards them. i would look for someone who has a joie de vie that matches mine....... a desire to socialize and be with friends.... and who enjoys his quiet alone times equally as much.

i would expect this prospective Master to not be in a hurry to "cut to the good stuff" - to want and need to get to know me - the ins and outs of who and what i am - as i would want to get to know Him. i would want to see the tender manly side of Him before i deal with his domly side.

AND i would use my instincts to feel the domly side within him - how he deals with life's challenges - with confidence and an air of authority.

Those things are as important to me as the BDSM things....... can he throw a whip?? hold a flogger?? does His checklist of "do's" pretty much match mine....... does He understand how to take baby steps in pushing limits, does He have the patience to take baby steps in pushing limits??

All of this learning about - getting to know - doesn't happen in a day or a week...... and in my opinion happens more truthfully face to face than online.

And this - dear readers - is just my opinion!

Limits

Back to the questions this morning........

What limits or boundaries do you have when it comes to the relationship/hard limits. Is there anything that you would never do - no matter what?

At the very VERY beginning.... Sir sent me 12 pages of BDSM activities that i had to fill in.. things i loved to do.. things i would love to try.. things i would do but wasn't fussy over .. and things i would never do !!!

Then Sir had His own 'no fly list' which He called the trilogy "health, family, work".

Both of those lists of limits have long since disappeared........ it happens when trust and respect builds..... and when you become 'one'...... the lines between family and health and work fade and disappear......... and His wants become first and foremost in my mind.

BUT there are still some things that make me go ewwwwwwww..

Sir has this thing for looking at pictures on the net of voyeurs or exhibitionists .... women often in naked in public........ vanilla public. i always said i would never EVER do that..... yet there have been times when i have felt daring....... and have flashed Sir. One time was at the Old Fort at Kingston....... we were alone in the dungeon area and i lifted my dress .. Sir snapped a photo for posterity (god only knows where it is now)....... And there was a time recently in one of the big box stores that we were alone in an aisle and Sir lifted my top........flash the security cameras !! BUT i don't think i could / would ever walk down a street topless... or naked......... i keep telling Sir i am sure those pictures He gets are taken in Europe where we all know they are much more forgiving.........

Another limit i have....... is sexual play in public....... even though there is a semi private club we visit where there are nights that one can actually have sexual play....... i can't do it.. i just can't.... i panic - BIG time panic. i am not entirely sure why..... after all i have seen others do it.......... maybe it stems from the time my ex video taped a love making session...... and i saw how i actually looked......... my god !!!!!!!!!!! i can still have nightmares thinking about the facial expressions.. the moans the groans.. the contortions!! Once at this club.... i was on the cross with my ass stuck out taking the whipping..... and Sir moved in close and started to pinch my ass..... well not exactly my ass.. but between the cheeks... and i was doing the subbie jig ....... cause ya know that really hurts !!!...... when i realized how it would look to those watching... and i started to cry and beg Sir to stop......... when He asked me what was wrong and why .. i explained that it would look like He was fucking my ass....... and He said "SO??" but He stopped cause He realized it was playing havoc with my emotions.

There are only a few things i would never ever do....... hard limit........ RED.
Those are ......... no children........ no animals....... nothing that would put my life in danger. (i guess all the others are just wobbling hard limits)

Pleasure

No i haven't forgotten all the questions you so kindly gave me when i had 'writer's block' ......... i have been hoarding them for dull moments with no inspiration - like this morning.........

So on to the next question.........


What gives you the most pleasure from the lifestyle? and of course Why?




oh wait......... you didn't mean my morning cup of coffee - that pries my eyes open and kick starts the brain - did you??? (cheeky grin)


Ok.. being serious........ the list of things that give me pleasure is so long it is hard to whittle it down to the ONE thing....... or ONE set of things......

IF i was a good submissive (a slave even) i would answer without hesitation - serving my Sir... making His meals - bringing Him His drinks - checking He takes His pills and does His sugar tests... doing His laundry..... all the service orientated things...........
BUT i am not a good submissive (or slave even) so serving doesn't bring me the greatest pleasure........

IF i was a good submissive (a slave even) i would say following Sir's orders and wishes without question.........
BUT i am a feisty bratty submissive - and some times i question and whine and pout and try all manner of things to get me out of an order....... even though i usually do enjoy - get pleasure - from finally doing what was ordered........

So i guess i have to say the one thing that gives me the greatest amount of pleasure is when Sir and i have a mind blowing scene...... with me restrained to some large apparatus ....... enduring whips and floggers and tawses and paddles.....

i specifically enjoy the ones when my mind set is ready.... when Sir's mind set is ready and we 'click' - really click - together........ when it feels as though we are one .. joined together by whatever toy is connecting with my body..... when the welts and the pain builds slowly and floods my brain ....... when the touch of His hand sends shivers down my body..... when my body is trembling from the pain and His touch........ when i feel Him move in between my legs and pull my hips firmly back to Him.. when i feel Him slide into me .....when my world shrinks down to the size of my pussy and the juices flow as He ignores my whimpers and fucks me while i am hung from the apparatus with ass burning from the toys ........ when i feel the orgasm building inside of me.. like a tidal wave building and building and then crashing towards the shore........ and that is when i cry out the request for permission to cum....... and when i squirt all over Sir and myself and the rug.........

And when Sir doesn't stop there..........but wipes up the soaking juices and spreads them over my ass and reaches for the next toy... and i can smell myself.. and the sting of the next toy bites into the wet ass and does more damage.....

When Sir plays and plays until i have no idea which way is up... or what time it is.. or who i am......... when Sir takes me down from the large apparatus and i crumble at His feet and thank Him - head over His feet - barely able to form the words "thank You Sir" and then feeling Him help me up and into a warm snuggly..... and hold me gently and lovingly.........

THAT has to be the one thing that brings me the most pleasure.. that re-vitalizes me and energizes me ... and makes the world seem like a much better place......

Reconciliation

When i was going through my "dry spell" i asked you folks for questions... things you didn't know about me that you would like to know........ i haven't forgotten those questions...... and am going to use one this morning.............



How do you reconcile your BDSM world with the outside world? (Work/Family/Society) Are you open about what you do?

Sometimes - from where i sit - i don't see things quite the way an outsider might see them........ so i don't think Sir and i "reconcile" our BDSM with the outside world..... though others might say we reconcile it a lot ...........

In the beginning Sir had His trilogy that He would never interfere in.. work family health. For example - if i was having problems with my daughters, He left me to sort them out..... and didn't interfere - didn't tell me what to do... didn't tell them what to do........... if things were going badly at work, Sir would bite his tongue.. and i didn't have health issues per say when we were first together......

Fast forward a bit.......... and now Sir is involved in all aspects of my life... health work AND family. i am His.. totally. If something rocks the boat that is our life Sir does whatever is needed to right that boat and anchor it firmly again in the rough seas........

Mostly that anchoring involves protecting me... supporting me.. when health issues raised their ugly heads a few years back Sir was right beside me through the tests.. through the results... always with positive words and thoughts that things would get better.. It was no different this time when i faced the biopsy and all the scary things that come from biopsies..

When work crashed down around my ears three years ago........ Sir put the pedal to the metal and was at school in 30 minutes to pull me into His strong arms.. to pack up my office and hustle me out of school and home.. it was Sir who called the union and the Human Resources office.. It was Sir who organized my appointments.. and even took me to my first appointment. And it was Sir who helped me heal........

Does the outside world know about the details of our relationship...... NO. They don't need to know.. all they know is that i have a caring loving relationship. Our friends don't really know.. but if they wanted to ask questions we would answer them truthfully.......

Do my girls know about the relationship ...... YES. And before you all choke on your coffee... my girls were in their 20's when i told them... youngest daughter does not know the intimate details - she has no desire to know...... she accepts our way of life as something that makes "mom" happy and that is all that is important to her.. my eldest daughter.. well that was a bit of a funny story.....

She and i had been separated for a bit..... and i hadn't told her.. all she knew was that i had someone new in my life... then one Easter i had to take her downstairs - downstairs where the play room is...... and as i bounced down the stairs i realized 'OH MY GOD - she might see in the room.. she might see the toys.. ' and so as i quickly swished her around the corner into the 'safe' room........ i pulled the door closed behind me and decided she and i had to have a rather weird "mom and daughter talk"......... not quite the normal birds and bees talk .........

She sat listening and then exclaimed "there is a name for that??!!" (BDSM) she had had a few boyfriends who liked being spanked... she had all sorts of web sites she had been visiting. That Easter brunch lasted long into the evening - after the rest of the family had left..... with eldest daughter asking all sorts of questions...... Eldest daughter now attends the odd munch when scheduling permits.. she has been to more than a few private and public play parties...... and she is fully and totally immersed in the lifestyle - as a Dominant.

When Sir and i venture out into the vanilla world - there are often times little things that we do that keep us focused on who we are in this big bad world..... for example.. some days i will wear a rope bra out...... or a full rope body harness (under my clothes of course!!) other times i will wear the tack bra .. or the ben wah balls... i walk just behind Sir...... i always ask (mostly always) for His opinion on things before i purchase them..a good example was the redecorating i am doing in the townhouse.... Sir helped chose the paint for the main level - Sir helped select the curtains and the rugs........Sir is helping me plan the new bathroom that will be done this summer...... maybe some sales clerks wonder .. but most of the time i think they see a couple who compromises..who works together.....

We flow together now.. Sir and i..... so i don't think our lifestyle is very evident to others around us..... and as is human nature - people see what they want to see.........

Spankers versus BDSMers

do you and your fellow BDSMers comunicate and get on well with the spanko community, in your region, or is there still a big gap between your two communities on that side of the pond?

i really thought that this particular question would be left to the end...... i wanted some time to mull over in my head the answer..... and you all have to realize that my answer to this question is coming from my knowledge and may be so very wrong.....

i for one didn't even realize there was a community who did nothing but spank. Spank and move on .. wham bang thank you ma'am. i couldn't quite get my head around it....... and being me i started to look into it.. investigate.. not really knowing where it would lead me.........

First off i found a web site called ”Christian Domestic Discipline” and within it's pages were blogs....... i skipped the Christian bit and read the blogs..... but i couldn't find one thing of "me" in those blogs.... these women were being spanked for misdemeanors such as a late dinner, or cheeky talk back to hubbie or not providing a sparkling house and folded laundry. Eventually i stopped reading it....

In the mean time i had stumbled across a blog entitled ”My Bottom Smarts”.... "one woman's celebration of life love and spankings". i rather enjoy the Sunday Brunches - questions that were asked of her readers and i even answered a couple of them......... This morning when i checked her blog (which i do do semi-regularily) i discovered she was discussing the joys of "The spanking hour" .. imagine being spanked for an entire hour !! She even offers suggestions on how to prolong the spanking. i was reading that entry and thinking...... these people are not sadists or masochists - obviously - duh !! Because a spanking (whipping or flogging) of less than an hour tends to leave me still wanting "more please Sir"....

And that made me come to realize that the dear man who contacted me from out of town - who was written about on Yes Miss........ and who got as far as telling us when he would be in Montreal and who 2 days before he was due to arrive seems to have just gone poof in a puff of smoke....... was a spankee .........not a masochist. In our emails i must have sounded a bit dense....... continuing to ask what he liked.. when he kept answering "a good sound spanking" .... over the knee sort of spanking.. a hand spanking.. perhaps once in a while with a hair brush........ and it did seem to take me forever to realize this man was not into BDSM....... but into spanking.....

And then finally your question spankedhortic - my friend from across the ocean. And then the light bulb went off over my head and i realized .. WOW there are people out there who only do spankings!!! And yes spankedhortic i have read your blog... and have to admit to complete total lack of comprehension - you really only write about spankings - and i didn't get it !! 10 spanks with a wet noodle for me !!!

Am i naive?? am i blind?? or am i just stupid?? not to realize that there is a whole community of people who only spank and nothing more....... no bondage.. no needles .. no hot wax.. no whips and chains and floggers - oh my !!!

i have thought and thought about the many years of munches i have attended.. and all the people i have met.. i have thought and thought about the many MANY public and private play parties Sir and i have attended.. and even summer camps.. and i honestly can't say i have ever been aware of people who only spank....... (colour me shocked and surprised!)

So does that mean that the two communities.. the spanking community and the BDSM community are separated - and ne'er the two shall meet?? i honestly don't know !! and am ashamed to admit it !!! i am thinking we will have to remedy that... perhaps our munch announcements aren't too inviting for folks who are spankers versus BDSMers?? Maybe it is time to start some sort of dialogue on this side of the "pond" between the two groups..... because...... my god !! ........ there must be a spankers group over here........ and i didn't know it..... and maybe we have unintentionally snubbed a whole mess of people !!!!

Spankedhortic - i promise more work on this subject - and perhaps a follow up blog entry when i have completed the study.

~~~~~~~~~
and just because i haven't really written anything about "me" and life recently .. i am pleased to say the snow has finally gotten the better of the community over here.. the schools are shut for an extra long Easter weekend as the powers to be are concerned about the structural integrity of the roofs...... and we are expecting rain and snow and freezing rain today!!!

One early morning this week i managed to lock my keys, my purse, my extra set of keys, and my cell phone in my car while it was running...... the window was open a crack and i was determined to fit my arm through the crack and open the door from the inside......... The picture below does not do justice to the bruising and swelling on my arm - wrist and palm of my hand from my futile efforts - thank god for CAA who arrived and got the door open in less than 2 minutes......


Then i had another fun start to my day the other day when i was flying out of the house to my car and went ass over tea kettle on the ice in the parking lot........ leaving my entire body feeling like it has been hit by a 10 ton truck !!!

Happy First day of Spring Everyone !!!!!!!