Trip

We are going away this weekend... to a Leather/Fet fair... and then to a play party at Breathless - the very same Breathless that i wrote about in Through the looking glass

i have never ever been to a Leather / Fet Fair....... weird thing is .. i don't even like leather! But i LOVE fairs... and this one is free.. and there will be all sorts of vendors (maybe i will find a new toy - something new and special and different) and free workshops and all sorts of people who enjoy the lifestyle - same as me.. same as Sir.. same as Cloud.... that is exciting!!! AND Sir has booked a room in a hotel so we don't have to drive home late at night.. and get almost no sleep and be groggy and cranky the next day .. and i am VERY excited about that !!!

But Breathless.. we are going there again...... and as hard as i try to NOT think about the last time.. i can't help but be nervous... what is it they say about falling off horses.. get right back on??? Last night i told Sir i was happy to be going away this weekend.. and excited.. and He made some off hand comment about "my performing" ..... and of course immediately i have visions of stuff.. STUFF.. He will do to me at Breathless.. and STUFF maybe i won't be able to handle........ and STUFF that might just scare me and have me wimping out again...... STUFF that for the most part i can handle here at home... so what is it about doing this same STUFF at Breathless that scares me??

Maybe i need to remember i am His toy! and i gave Him the rights to play with "this toy" anyway He wants to ....... and maybe i need to remember that Sir will always take good care of me.. and will never let anything bad happen to me?? And maybe i just need to find my "center" and be calm.. and focused ...

Maybe ........ i just need to get back on that horse .............