Once upon a time i worked at the local school for the blind. One day while i had my group outside, one of the children asked me "what colour is the sky?" i answered simply "blue". The child stood for a long time looking skyward with a puzzled look on his face. Finally he asked "what is blue?"
Indeed what IS blue?? How does one explain what another cannot see or comprehend???
When asked why i am a masochist i have no answer. Many assume that i was an abused child....... i wasn't. And i was quite young when i realized i had this strange relationship with pain. It frightened me while at the same time attracted me. When i was in my early 20's i was drawn to anything written that had an element of pain in it.... spanking stories.. Victorian spanking stories. i used to go into our local chain bookstore .. and right at the entrance under A were all the books written by "Anonymous". God bless Anonymous!!! i would hide the books from family and friends and read them over and over again... feeling my knees go weak and my heart pound and my juices flow........ i also found the Story of O about the same time.. (god only knows how as i rarely ventured past the A's .. cheeky grin)........ and wished with all my heart that such a lifestyle could really exist.
Obviously i discovered that such a lifestyle existed .. and obviously i am quite happy and contented in it. i have been lucky enough to live almost every fantasy i ever had as a teen/young adult. Even the piercing from the Story of O became my reality........ the seeds were planted once upon a time.. and from those seeds grew my reality........
BUT to try and explain the WHY of it all... well it just takes me back to the original question........ "what is blue?"
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Even for those that know what blue is not one's vision altered by experience, can we ever really explain to those that have no idea of what blue is.
ReplyDeleteBlue just happens to be my favorite color. Not BLACK and blue, mind you, just blue. As far as sadism goes, I personally don't do pain very well, and in my job I go out of my way to avoid inflicting it. But I still have a fascination with the idea of artfully providing pain to someone who enjoys it. Must be my dark side clammoring for a little action. Bad darkside! Bad, Bad darkside! :)
ReplyDeleteMichael Michael Michael !!! You love Your darkside and You know it !!!
ReplyDeletei rather liked the way You put it.. "I still have a fascination with the idea of ARTFULLY providing......." arfully ummmmm nice way of putting it... and sometimes it is artful....... especially the patterns that can be left (cheeky grin)...
And as for avoiding inflicting pain in one's job.. well that wouldn't be consentual would it?? that is the nicest thing about this... Sir knows He is giving me exactly what i need/crave.. and i know i am giving Him what He needs and craves (though He would probably deny ever craving anything.. sighhh.. Doms!!!)
morningstar (owned by Warren)
There is no why. There only is. Does that make sense? I think you get my meaning.
ReplyDeleteLove this post.