on pain.......

What makes some pain just feel damn good and other pain just hurt so damn bad?? i was pondering that earth shattering question last night when i was attempting to brush out my halloween hair style..... (full of teasing and hairspray and spiders!!) It hurt BAD......... but let Sir pull my hair and it hurts good....... what is the difference??

On the weekend i was once again amazed at how my body responded to the pain........ pain is my foreplay....... orgasms are never very far behind......
i was remembering Sir showing off to a Dom (a while back) how horny i got from having the crop used on my pussy....... i was embarassed to discover that despite my best intentions of not embarassing myself by becoming "aroused" i couldn't stop it...... in fact to my utter and complete horror .. i begged Sir to allow me to cum.... only from the use of the crop.......

It is not unheard of for me to feel the rhythm of the crop against my ass and find in that rhythm the same kind of feelings another might feel from being fucked.... and it isn't unheard of for me to cum.. arching my body skyward on tippy toes as the orgasm washes over my body. And it isn't just the crop that has that magical effect on my body...in case one is jumping to conclusions....

And despite what i have written..... i can become aroused in (for lack of a better term) vanilla ways....... soft caresses in all the right places can and do have me cumming......... it's just so much nicer with a little pain.....

i find now that i talk myself into accepting regular pain....... blood tests at the hospital....... i close my eyes and see Sir inserting needles into much more sensitive bits......... a mammogram and i see Sir putting nipple clamps on and tightening them.... or squeezing my breasts tight in His hands....... and pulling...... mind games to make the bad pain just a little more tolerable.....

And i remembered for some strange reason.... during this thinking about pain.. the one and only time my father spanked me as a young girl ....... i remember him sitting on my bed.. of my being over his knee.. his hand spanking my bare ass.. i remember lying still....... (i can SEE myself lying there) .. feeling the spanking.. feeling it deep inside of me... and i can see myself deciding it was time to end it all.. and wiggling and crying and of course my father stopped.......... with the words "That hurt me much more than it hurt you".. and know what?? i think he was right.

i made Sir promise me one thing......... early on in our relationship..... that should the day come when He had strong feelings for me ( i didn't dare use the dreaded "L" word) that He would still continue to give me the pain i craved......... so many before hadn't been able to .. not after the feelings grew strong......... every once in awhile i will push Sir's buttons.. asking if He is wimping out on me.. unable to give me the pain......... and always He comes back harder and firmer and with more zeal............

And the rainbows appear ...... and the fairies call my name.........