Through the looking glass...

Have you ever felt like Alice through the looking glass??
i did .. this weekend......... what a weird weekend....... weird and weirder....

It really came to a head Saturday evening...... Sir and i and two friends went up to Ottawa (the capital city of the Great White North)....... to attend a Hard Play Night at the new club Breathless.

i had been jittery over going....... Hard play night......... anything goes night...... total nudity .. insertables.. any form of hard play allowed........ my imagination had been running wild with images of what this evening could/would hold.......... i didn't even beg Sir for permission to wear a pair of thongs..... no reason to.. subs were supposed to be naked right??? sighhhhh

When we all arrived the party had already started.. each station was occupied with people playing...... i looked and looked... no naked bodies.. no hard play.... it looked like any other night at any other club......... i started to get more jittery... and i had no idea why....... i leaned against the wall and wished i could just disappear into it......... my tongue felt thick and my head foggy when folks stopped to say hi and catch up on our news........ weird and getting weirder.. i was most definitely NOT my usual social butterfly self..... i was fast spinning a cocoon to hide in.......

Sir decided very early on that we would take the cross and start playing....... i was very nearly choking on the butterflies in my stomach......... i stripped off my silk shirt....... and put up my wrists for the cuffs......... Sir put them on .. too loose.. Sir tightened them .. now they were too tight but i didn't say a word .. not even when Sir clipped them to the cross and i could feel the numbness already setting in.........i kept wishing i had put on at least a pair of thongs....... i felt so exposed.. so naked .. so vulnerable..

Sir picked up my favourite flogger and i tried very hard to relax into the rhythm...... it was afterall my FAVOURITE flogger!!! a good warm up flogger... but life through the looking glass just got weirder....... the lights went up bright and Sir reached for my blindfold so that it wouldn't distract me.. (too late ... i was distracted and starting to feel like the white rabbit....... "i'm late i'm late for a very important date")... all i could hear was the thud of some toy being used on the sub next to me.. and hear his cries ......... life through the looking glass was most definitely out of sync.......

Sir was moving from toy to toy.. working His way up and down my back.. my ass.. my thighs....... in my head i was screaming for Him to stop........ i didn't "feel" Him only the sting of each different toy.... at one point i do remember telling Sir my hands had gone numb.... and Sir stopped the play long enough to loosen them up..... then He resumed with a vengance.... and i was 'breathless' not able to catch up.......

i remember screaming for Sir to stop (at least i am sure i was screaming.. though no one else heard me)..... and somehow managed to get my body off the cross and get it wedged between the side of the cross and the wall.. (i do not advise anyone to try this....... it tends to wreck havoc on one's wrists and shoulders) At that point Sir came to me and held me and asked me what was wrong.......... i was crying like a baby........ did i want Him to stop Sir asked?? no of course not.. but it didn't get any better.. only weirder...... no fairies were calling me... no rainbows were guiding me........ only pain......... Sir took me down a little after that.... and i was devastated.. i wimped out !!! i never wimp out !!! Life through the looking glass is very weird indeed. Later on Sir put me on the bondage table for a little simple sparkler play....... He had two sparklers flying over my body in different directions.. yet the only thing i really remember was the feel of another Dom's trousers against the soles of my feet.

(from Alice in Wonderland)

Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, Sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

life can be very weird through the looking glass...................