Wednesday, March 23, 2016
There was a discussion over on Fetlife that I stumbled across that was titled "play is just sometimes fucking play"
I read it with interest.
I have been on both sides of the argument.........
I know right now after 13 years of BDSM and play being serious shit - nothing to laugh at shit -- that I am totally enjoying the play aspect of it now.
I have experienced two very different play styles over the last couple of months.
With the Sadist - there are rules - like a fence around a playground - the rules help me to feel grounded and reassured cause I know exactly what to expect from him and he knows exactly what is expected of me. And I need that, I realize - I really do - I need to know where I stand - what is expected and what I can expect in return. It makes play fun and relaxing. They make me feel safe and valued and cared for.
The Daddy Dom relationship had no rules - no expectations. I really struggle with that - oh it's play and it's fun - but not having that "fence around the playground" leaves me - I am not sure what the word is - ungrounded keeps coming to mind. Feeling unsure of what is expected of me or what I can expect...... or even what I can ask for.
Play can be just fucking play -- and I know I can't ever go back to serious shit BDSM - nothing to laugh at shit ....... it's just not in me anymore.
I know for sure -- that there has to be guidelines or rules or something set down at the beginning so at least *I* know what the boundaries are - where the fences are around the play ground.
I need to feel safe and valued and most definitely cared about.