Tuesday, March 08, 2016

Pitfalls on being #1

It's easy to 'write' I am my #1 - not so easy to follow through with it.

There's a lot of responsibility to being your own #1......... and areas that I really need to work on........... 

Boredom can be one of the pitfalls 

After all I can't play 7 days a week - the body - no matter how fit - would eventually give out.  BUT there are the days that I have no one coming - no one here and I have to amuse myself.  Trust me you can only clean the apartment so many times - you eventually run out of laundry to do - or groceries to buy - and the gym only fills a very small portion of my day.  AND I am not a window shopper.   and YES I do have paid work that trickles in in bunches.  BUT that still leaves a whole mess of time to fill
Aftercare is another one of my pitfalls

No matter how good the scene was - no matter how contented I feel - how high my endorphin levels are - there comes a time when some after care - and I do mean AFTER - is needed.  When I had another #1 and I was #2 - I could go and say "I just really need a hug right now" and most of the times I could get one.  and truthfully that was all it took.  Now I am #1 - no hugs are available on demand.  (and Miss Priss my poly cat is not much good at hugs - grinning)

Most of the time after care is not necessary - it's all a mind set I think.  IF I hear the  words "good girl" or "you did well" especially as the session is ending - my heart hears the words and stores them.  And check-in emails the next day are pretty satisfying too. 
And as much as the party line runs - "bubble baths, chocolate, candles, everything that is comforting for you" - the bare bones truth is - they don't work most of the time AND sub drop won't kill you !  And in a day or two you'll be back to normal and 'jonesing' for more sessions. 

I am thinking I just have to grind my teeth - shed a few tears - and crawl through it.

Cancellations are another pitfall for sure

It's been a rough winter - with storms cancelling more than one play session.  AND unfortunately I let my mind go 'there' - probably long before I should - BUT - I like the tension - the building anticipation - so this is MY cross to bear (so to speak)  I could chose to ignore the building of fear/anticipation...... and wake up the morning of and go there when all is "a go".......... but that's not how I work - shrug - so it is really truly my problem to deal with........... cause ya know - sometimes 'life just happens'.

Lack of Intimacy is another pitfall 

and this could probably fall under "aftercare" - cause sometimes I just want/need some intimacy - snuggling and gentle touches and soothing kisses.  BUT again for now - there are some sacrifices to be made because of choices I have made. And that's ok!  It is what it is - right? :)

And ya know writing out the pitfalls of being #1 has done a lot to show me there aren't that many - and for the most part I have it handled.  

I think I need to do one more post on #1......... The Definite Advantages of being #1....... another day - another blog entry  



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