Remember that song?? Hopefully someone will remember the song Good Vibrations... that's what i was hearing in my head when i woke up this morning... "good good good vibrations.. she's giving me excitations.. " of course those are the only words i could remember.... so i went looking for the rest of the words..
Not very inspired ......... but there was one line.. "she goes with me to a blossom world" that one got my attention......
Anyway........... the whole point to this is .. i woke up hot and bothered this morning. What a delightful surprise!!
i'm not sure at what point in my life i decided i didn't need a man for sexual pleasure.. it was quite late on...... that i do know. i had had at least one daughter before i discovered the joys of vibrators.
i also remember feeling very guilty and a little bit "dirty" when i played with myself...... but ohhhhhhhh the fantasies that i would weave as i played with myself.. (i think that is where most of ?? some of?? my more explicit writings come from... those fantasies while i played with myself)
Quite truthfully - just between you and me - i much preferred morning sex to evening sex.. i much prefer sex where i have no say in the matter... and i much prefer rough and tough and tumble sex. Which of course doesn't leave much but a hop skip and a jump to sex during a sound spanking/flogging ... pain and pleasure mixed.
and yeah i had rape fantasies... but they were never quite as good as the plain rough and tough and tumble sex ... somehow i couldn't quite move the whole idea of rape into a fantasy world.. somehow i always felt it was wrong... it was somehow making light of a very painful .. very real .. encounter.
Anyway......... getting back to good vibrations........
The first vibrators i bought were these hard plastic pretty coloured jobs that had two (if i was lucky) 3 speeds. They were unbending.. cold.. and quite unforgiving if one got a little carried away with the thrusting...
Then i bought - god only knows why - a dildo. Now in my humble opinion there is nothing......NOTHING...... more boring than a dildo. Once you have felt vibrations there is just no going back.
My next purchase was a dual headed vibrating rotating 3 speed action job.
i thought i had died and gone to heaven.
Then ....... my final purchase......... was the hitachi. Now that sucker can vibrate!! And the plus ..... it comes with rechargeable batteries so that it can be used just about anywhere - no need to look for an outlet (unless of course you have let the batteries run down) AND the one i bought came with attachments. Yay baby !! attachments........
Once inserted my hitachi makes my teeth vibrate....... never mind the vital bits
All of these delightful toys are stored in my bedroom in this pretty box..... that i affectionately call "my toy box". It sits at the end of my bureau.. close to the bed.. but (as i discovered this morning........ not quite close enough)
i have joked for many years that i have more vibrators than most sex stores.. and i can pick the one that suits my mood....... big small medium... fast slow.. rotating or none rotating.... and in my more feminist moods - i would say "who needs a man when you have a toy box??"
Ok.. so getting back to this morning.......... as i laid in bed with the sun streaming in....... feeling warm and fuzzy and just a little bit needy.... i remembered the toy box. i remembered how - back in the day - i would find the toy of the moment and masturbate ......... sometimes two or three times a day.
So i climbed out of bed (the reason the damn toy box needs to be moved) and found the hitachi....... and the electric cord - cause it has been so long i knew it wouldn't have any battery power left........ plugged it in and laid back .. it had been a while.. and i was - to put it mildly - a little bit rusty on finding just the right fantasy to go with the moment.......
And it felt soooooo good. yeah it did!!
And no i didn't have any earth shattering orgasms...... i had a little blip on the screen orgasm........ but considering how i am still out of sorts ....... and my energy levels are not even close to what they normally are.. a little blip was pretty damn good !!!
i am thinking maybe i need to research my next vibrator....... i have a secret longing for the fucking machines you see on line.. but who has that kind of money.. certainly not a lowly educator. So i will stick to hand held vibrating beauties that suit the mood..... and the moment.
Now a little health update.......
It's been a week and half......
Yesterday i had some good hours .. (i can't say a good day - but i did have a couple of hours of feeling good) and i even managed a 10 minute walk in the sunshine.
Today i am a bit listless.. not even out of my pj's yet .........but yesterday's good moments were like a light at the end of the tunnel.........
This too shall pass.