Thursday, May 13, 2021

Is It Nature or Nurture?


I probably should have written this yesterday when I knew what I wanted to say - today......not so much (le sigh)

I think I am struggling with the whole idea of being submissive.  Is it a character trait - or is it a learned thing?  could you learn to be a submissive?  See I'm wondering if I was ever submissive.  OH I like to please... I like to make my lover happy...and will do everything in my power to make them happy....... BUT submissive? I'm not sure.  I like to think I'm an intelligent woman.  I like to think I am a strong woman.  It takes a lot to be a submissive if you are a thinking person.  I mean - come on... some of the rules I have seen submissives living with just didn't make sense to me..... like for example..every night this submissive I knew came home from work - he had to strip at the door and then do 15 jumping jacks.  I asked why? The answer - cause it made his Mistress happy.  REALLY?? What the hell is the point to that?  (the jumping jacks I mean - not the making her happy) I had a slew of stupid rules like that too... I followed them cause to not follow them would have challenged my dominant - and put my relationship at risk.  and a good submissive didn't challenge her dominant.  (another stupid rule if you ask me)

IF there are going to be rules then the rules had better be intelligent rules.. make some sense.  I used to feel like I was 'dumbing' down in order to be a 'good' submissive.  And that just annoyed me. I remember the rule of always having to call my dominant "Sir" I asked why - and was told because it showed respect.  I pointed out that there were many ways to show respect without using an honorific... to prove my point I would say "YES SIR" and mumble 'no sir - 3 bags full Sir' ....... not very respectful was it?

When I left that last D/s relationship - I promised myself I would never ever give over complete control ever again........ I realized I needed a relationship that was intelligent - that challenged me as an intelligent being....... not as a cowering simpering being giving blind obedience. 


So tell me - what does submissive mean to you? What does it look like??? What is it you are all working towards ???? 

AND finally 



  1. Hi Morningstar, I think it takes strength to be submissive, to allow yourself to be that vulnerable. I'm not sure I have ever been a 'true' submissive either.

    I agree with you on rules, I think they need to be sensible, there for a reason and are things that are important to the Dominant. Rules for the sake of rules doesn't really work. I know I have definitely struggled with rules if I didn't understand the purpose, or feel they actually meant something to my Dom.


    1. I think (sometimes - not always) the dominant can become obsessed with the power we give them... and over time I don't believe that is a good thing. What I am struggling with is - why must one person in the relationship have to be under the other?? Why can't they be equals?? I am wondering what the slaves of past history would think of folks wanting/craving to be under the rule of another........

  2. In our conversations we've come to the conclusion that submissives are the real dominants. The intelligent thinking ones that is. I would NEVER just blindly do what i was told to do if it didn't make sense.

    And imo, the best subs are the strongest ones.

    1. Fondles - the submissive should be the strong one - I agree - but doesn't that create an imbalance? doesn't that allow for the possibility of the submissive losing patience with the dominant?? how does D/s work then?

    2. I don't think a thinking sub will allow an ineffectual dom to be her dom. So for her (or me, anyway) to say Ok you can be my dom, it probably means he's proven himself to some degree. And yes, i DO still sometimes lose my patience but being submissive doesn't mean shutting up, it could just be (again, for me anyway) being mindful of they way you call him on it. EG instead of being dismissive or hurtful, to point out his error in a respectful manner, which is what we should all be doing with all our partners anyway, but is often missing in vanilla relationships.

  3. Thank you! I've been struggling to come up with blogging ideas and this is a great one. So I'll post my answer early next week. One big problem I had when I wanted to try submission was that my husband didn't want it. And he's the only one I've ever played with.

  4. I can empathize with what you are saying. Personally I call my self a submissive just as a convenient label. Being submissive only in whilst playing or being pegged. I prefer the term "Bottom" but that seems to be declining in usage and is open to different interpretations



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