....... except when it isn't so glorious........
I have had a difficult relationship with food for most of my adult life.... except believe it or not - I didn't actually know it until about 10 years ago........ I think because until 10 years ago I always lived with someone... never alone. Living with someone means preparing meals .... at meal time .. cause ya know the other person/persons want/need to eat - even if you don't feel hungry.
BUT 10 years ago I was on my own - during a difficult time in my life... food didn't interest me - and I was never hungry! So I would pick. I would go grocery shopping and wander up and down the aisles trying to find some food that peaked my interest. During that time I lost 75 pounds......... I was eating about 900 calories a day (on a good day!)
Then I moved in with Sir Steve and started cooking for someone else...... and I was happy... so I started eating properly again. and yes some weight did go back on.. not much thank goodness - but about 20 pounds. (over the 4 years) And I continued merrily along my way. Weight gain or weight loss was never the driving force behind my eating disorders
About a year ago I started to notice a total lack of interest in food..... I would test out ideas about what I wanted to eat - anything I craved ...... and based my menus on what appealed to me - thankfully Sir Steve and the lil one were quite happy with their dinners so nothing much changed outwardly.
Now - ugh - I am picking at my food - pushing it around my plate like a kid. I am eating about half my meal and saying I'm full. I AM actually full - well I feel full - just cause I have no interest in food.
They say (they being doctors) that food disorders are a way of controlling your life... which is weird cause I have control over my life....... so I struggle with that... and yet - maybe? I know I am more than a little obsessed with this pandemic and lock downs and restrictions and feeling the world is out of control.
I have no answers .......... but at least I am aware of the questions........