Thursday, May 06, 2021

Dress Code



Way back when I was living in Montreal and first entering the BDSM world... you know way back when everything was shiny and bright and you wanted / HAD TO try everything NOW! I had a Dominant who looked around at what everyone else was doing and decided we would do it ALL (whether it fit or not)
And trust me when I say - there was some real weird sh*t happening in the Montreal community back then.  An example - there was a group that insisted that all submissives kneel and kiss the hand of EVERY dominant there.  I never understood that one... and was labelled the rebellious sub cause that was one of the things I refused to do! 

BUT there was a general dress code...... for most of the submissives I knew - it was a dress code when they went out to a party ........... it usually involved sexy? (or slutty) clothes - I had a modified version - a corset... a thong and I always wore a skirt!! A lot didn't - and would prance around in a corset and thong and nothing else - OH WAIT !  I forgot - they usually wore high heels - like 10 inches high. 

We had a dress code 24/7 -
1) I was to be naked at all times at home.
(which was REALLY dumb cause all my windows were floor to ceiling - and offered no privacy really - so I had to keep the curtains drawn - which was depressing cause it was so damn dark all the time)
also let's be honest - sitting on furniture when you're naked is not that hygienic - so I always had a towel folded to sit on.  (UGH!  I blush at the memory) Answering the front door offered a whole set of new challenges.

2) my dominant preferred me in dresses - like ALL the time.... which meant I had to buy a new wardrobe...... and dresses didn't actually work well in the classroom. 

3)  when I went out I was not allowed to wear any underwear!  even to work. 

The reasoning was - I had to be accessible at all times. IF I tried to discuss this dress code  - explain why it made me uncomfortable I was told I was a bad 'subbie'.  I didn't want to be 'bad' ....... so I stressed.

The other thing I remember about this 'dress code' was how humiliated it made me feel.  My dominant would take great pleasure in telling anyone who would listen how I was naked..... accessible.... I was (am) a private person - every time I would hear him talking about my nudity I would die a little bit inside. 

By the time I left that relationship I struggled with 'dress code'.  Poor Sir Steve had to constantly reassure me that I was to wear what made ME happy - what  made ME feel good.  He did not understand the need to control me to that extent - especially when it made me so obviously uncomfortable.  He did have 1 simple dress code rule - I would sleep naked.... easy peasy!  slipping into bed - snuggling up against his naked body is perhaps the best feeling in the world. Over the last 4 years I have learned one thing that Sir Steve likes/enjoys... and that's when I don't wear a bra.  He likes to be able to touch - OH forget touch!  He likes to grab and ya know what?? I like when he grabs... (but he never frowns when I put a bra on... not if it makes me comfortable!)

This is where I was gonna ask you all what / if any dress codes you all have.... but most of you answered that question yesterday ....I have to admit there was one or two of you that I expected would have a 'dress code'.... because ya know - sadly there are still skewered biases in my head.  I guess I still have some ' re-educating' to do .. after so many years of believing THIS was the right way to do BDSM - the ONLY way to do BDSM.


  1. was I by any chance one of those you expected would have a dress code :)

    When we was living in the city we would attend a munch (we still go although not as often now) which 3 or 4 times a year would put on events, demos/talks/parties etc and on those occasions a dress code was optional (not at the munches that was strictly casual wear, which I think was great) anyway, it opened my eyes up to all the different types of fetish wear, although not for us I figure if that's what people enjoy fair play to them, as long as nothing was 'enforced' on me by anyway other than my Master it didn't bother me.

    My Master does prefer me in dresses/skirts but it's not always practical and so it's not something he insists on, but I do think this is one area that perhaps needs to be separated from the fantasy idea, because in reality as you said about the obstacles of being naked it doesn't really always work not effectively anyway.

    Years ago at a munch I was asked what I do all day coz being a slave she had this 'idea' in her head of what it looked like and I think my response she found boring, and there it is, the fantasy doesn't always match the reality.

    1. yup you're right claire - I did expect you to have a dress code........ and because you don't it reinforces the fact that a D/s M/s relationship can be a whole lot healthier than what I was in :)

  2. Morningstar,

    We are boring here too. Sheriff doesn't care as long as I am happy. However, I do not wear anything to bed. It is small, but important to us.


    1. I absolutely love the skin on skin when I climb into bed...

  3. Well there is the pink tutu and wellies, that look so cute on me :) No I have never had to live with a dress code


    1. OMG I can just see you in a pink tutu and wellies LOL LOL OMG!!!

  4. B tried the wardrobe specific thing for a while. He preferred skirts and dresses. I had to ask for jeans but not leggings 🙄. That became a nusence . His mindset was that my mindset would be in a softer place. I explained to him after about a year that it became ineffective because it was part for the course. He then changed it to still asking for jeans and asking if I wanted to changed from whatever I started out with in the day. Some days he'd tell me what to wear and that is far more effective than some uniform -for me. Same goes with underwear etc.

  5. I am not feeling submissive in the least and I find this stuff harder to talk about as a result. It doesn't upset me -- I'm just not in the zone. LOL

    My one requirement for dressing is that I have to come to bed with no panties/pajama bottoms on. Storm likes to feel my bum snuggle up next to him and I love feeling his hand on my naked hip (and other areas when he wanders.)

    We do have conversations about him having me naked during the day..... apparently I should expect this when we have much more privacy than we do now. Windy

  6. No dress code here. BIKSS is aware that I get very fussed about things touching my skin. That's just one of my sensory things so he leaves me to wear what I wear. He only prefers that I don't wear anything too revealing especially when he's not with me.

  7. Hi Morningstar, we never had a dress code as such, but Rick would occasionally stipulate that I wear a dress or skirt or no underwear. I have also dressed specifically for role play a couple of times.


  8. Your dress code sounds like something out of "The Story of O". I would hate walking around naked all day, but wearing a dress without undies could be very sexy - but NOT for the classroom, I agree.

    I have stopped wearing bras because I don't need the support and who else sees me besides Ron? Maybe in the summer when I don't need a jacket for going out, I might go back to bras.



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