The one comment I heard a lot - after my post 'A Little History' - was how amazed folks were that I could trust again. It didn't happen over night... believe me.
I had to find a new way to do TTWD.... I had to find a safe way to do TTWD.
Then ronnie asked me what my favourite part of TTWD was. I couldn't answer it. I suddenly felt like a fraud. We don't do TTWD. OMG I was gonna have to stop blogging.. I was gonna have to stop commenting.
Then there were a few bloggers who were writing about their submission - about their TTWD and I felt familiar pangs. I wanted THAT! They were talking about communicating with their partners and building their TTWD.
THAT'S IT!! THAT'S WHAT I HAD TO DO!!! I would sit Sir Steve down and we'd communicate and we'd make our own TTWD!!!
AND then I'd be in the club again!!!
Then I read a blog - and my world spiralled out of control. I was in panic mode. and I was angry. I turned to willie. I needed someone who might hear me - might see we (yeah yeah I was sure willie would react the same as I had) HAD to rescue her... she was in trouble - couldn't anyone see that??!!! Willie quietly explained how she saw it. It wasn't how I was seeing it. My heart slowed down.
BUT I still had problems - obeying someone?!! Doing whatever they wanted??? no no no .. everyone had to see how wrong that was... so I asked my 2 questions. BUT no one gave me examples of the rules I had had to obey. I couldn't see any humiliation. I couldn't see anyone being made to feel stupid. WHAT?!!! Then I calmed down more - and I realized it was my TPE hell that was colouring my reactions. kind of a PTSD (though I hate using that term !)
Suddenly (ok ok it wasn't all THAT sudden) everything started to fall into place. I could see our TTWD with clearer eyes. I could see what it is that I like about it.. and the reason WHY I like it.
Are you all still with me?? I really felt the need to explain why it has taken me so long to actually answer ronnie's question 'what's your favourite part of TTWD'? The pieces all had to fall into place and fit. and I believe that's where I am now. Tomorrow I will finally answer ronnie's question!
Life is truly a continuing journey!