Back in July I talked about the high levels of anxiety I was dealing with after the withdrawal from the evil drug. I talked about doing online therapy and some of you followed up with me on the program. (you can read that entry HERE)
I have been actively doing the program for 3 months...... talking to a therapist every 3 weeks or so by phone. I really hadn't given it much thought - was it working ? not working? helping at all? But this past couple of weeks - working my way through the latest work books on anxiety - I began to slowly 'see the light'.
I am my own worst enemy. I don't / can't ask for help. I believe I have to earn someone's love - by being perfect - by working tirelessly - by sacrificing. Of course having such high standards tends to mean I feel as though I am failing frequently -- stress over trying harder/working harder to be perfect. A vicious circle to say the least.
I have had a couple of 'light bulb' moments -- the first was I can't change my emotions BUT I can change my reaction to the emotion. The other major 'light bulb' moment came this past week - the exercise was to picture a friend struggling with emotional issues and what would I say to them........... and then I realized if I could be patient and understanding with a friend - why couldn't I treat myself the same way??!! AND then I realized that my friends would give me the same support !
It may not seem earth shattering to you but for me it was major!
And then I realized that there have been small changes in how I react to situations.. the whole dust up about Remembrance day and Christmas -- in the past I would have bent over backwards to reassure everyone that Remembrance day came first here..... By my challenging the nasty comments I stood up for myself AND my beliefs. WOW! AND no bolt of lightening came out of the sky and struck me dead either...... WOW!
There have been other small events that I have handled differently and survived - more than survived - actually grew stronger.
Life is good when you don't give up...........
Good on you Morningstar, yay for light bulb moments. Being gentle and patient with yourself is key.
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Roz
i hope that PND is getting better... this is one race I don't mind losing. :)
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never give up. the best thing about my blog is i have cyberfriends who can keep me going in a way my IRL friends wouldn't be able to.
i know they mean well and all that but virtual hugs sometimes hit a spot a real hug cant.
I'm late responding here, please forgive me. Can I borrow you light bulb, MorningStar? :) Anxiety SUCKS..... and it's so hard to work on ourselves. Keep up the worthy work though. I'm rooting for you! Hugs, Windy
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