Wednesday, July 31, 2019

No More Rose Coloured Glasses

I have been off the evil drugs for 2 full months now....... and had a follow up appointment with my doctor on Monday.  Truthfully I was dreading it...... I had such anxiety about it -- and the worst part was - I don't know WHY I had anxiety.  (have been having a lot of that recently - anxiety for no good reason)

Have I told you all how much I love this doctor??!!  I really have lucked out with finding excellent doctors since I moved to Ontario!  

He asked me how I was doing and I said "the best way to explain how I am feeling is -- it feels like I have taken off my rose coloured glasses....... and I don't much like it".  And I told him how I am not sleeping well........ hell I am averaging about 3-4 hours of sleep a night........ I am an 8 hour a night girl and without that I feel like crap.

He sat and listened and really made me feel like he was hearing me.  He explained that even though I have been drug free for 2 months -- the adjusting is far from over.  I was surprised and asked 'how long for the adjustment period?' He smiled and said that everyone is different so there was no firm answer -- and considering how long I was on the drug it would take my body a whole lot longer to adjust......... I have to be patient -- and gentle with myself.  He said he could offer me something for sleep -- but as the 3 drugs he is willing to try can cause some dependency issues I said NO -- I am done with dependency issues/addiction issues. He suggested I might want to try melatonin and I am considering it.......... BUT I have hope renewed cause I am not finished adjusting ....... who knows the lack of sleep might just sort itself out.

The doctor also told me he saw a marked improvement....... I was surprised!  He explained my body seemed more relaxed -- I wasn't fidgeting as much -- and I appeared calmer......... WOW colour me shocked it sure didn't feel like things had improved!

He then recommended a program offered here in Ontario that is for folks dealing with anxiety / stress brought on by drug withdrawals and or life.  Believe it or not it is an online program....... I go fill in questionnaires and they set up work sheets/reading material for me....... I do it -- they evaluate and send both myself and my doctor the results.  It's kind of a 'heal yourself therapy' AND as I have had therapy more than a few times in my life -- and the one that worked the best was my healing myself -- I am seriously considering doing this program....... who knows? it can't hurt and it might just help.

In the meantime the doctor is fully supporting my meditating and colouring and doing some yoga........ He will see me again in 2 months but told me not to be the 'hero' if I need to see him before then - just call!

Life is good when there's hope and light at the end of the dark tunnel.....  


  1. Hi Morningstar,

    Good on you, you got this! I'm so glad you have such a great doctor, and how awesome he noticed piositive changes!:) the program definitely sounds worth checking out.


  2. Way to go Morningstar! I hope you are proud of yourself. You are doing so well and being gentle with yourself. I hope the program you talked about helps (although, as another Ontarian, you made me wonder what this was because I am curious to know if it would help me.)

    In any case, I am glad you are taking off the "rose coloured glasses" in the summer because, man is it beautiful here!


  3. One day at a time and finding out what helps and what doesn't. It's the only way to go.


  4. That sounds like a great a program and great progress! I love reading your blog. If i may be so bold, can you email me the name of that program or share it here?

  5. You really do have a great Doc, Morningstar! ... I used melatonin for quite awhile for meno related insomnia. I was advised to start with the lowest dose (3 mg) and then up the dosage by 3mg if that didn't work, until I was at a level that did. I ended up taking the 10 mg dose per night ... the under the tongue type. It quit working for me after a time (a few years) but now my insomnia has lessened so it doesn't matter as much ... happens only a night or two a week.

    Your online course sounds like a great addition to the self care you have underway. Best of luck with all ... nj ... xx


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