Tick Tock

This morning I read a piece over on Fondlers Anonymous about 'Time' ..... I left a comment but realized I wanted to write more ..... so here I am!

I almost always did what was expected of me -- or maybe to be fair -- I did what I knew... I got married -- had the 2.5 children -- the house in the burbs -- and was ready to spend my life living a mirror image of my parents.  BUT as my girls got older -- I realized how much I didn't know.  How much I hadn't experienced.  How much I wanted to experience.  I am not proud of ending my marriage -- he was a good man -- just not (unfortunately) the man for me.  

(tick tock tick tock)

I really wanted to experience BDSM -- I REALLY wanted to be a submissive -- to turn my life / my body  over to a Dominant.  To someone who would value me and treat me like some precious gift.

The only problem was the Dominant I found -- he didn't 'get' monogamous. Slave or submissive -- I still believed in monogamy.  He didn't.  And so I ended the relationship in a snit -- figuratively throwing his collar back at him.  

(tick tock tick tock)

I explored the BDSM world on my own.  I met Sir Steve and Sir Kira ........but as my partnership with them ended I realized I wanted someone for me ..... I didn't want to share..... and believe it or not -- I went back to that Dominant who cheated on me......... simple minded me believed IF we defined monogamy -- IF we were both on the same page -- it could work -- it would work!!  I would make it work!!

(tick tock tick tock)

It did work for a bit....... until it didn't work.  I am not proud of the steps I took to get the information that ended the relationship -- I read his messages to other women -- read his emails to other women -- stalked his friends on Facebook.  And finally confronted 2 of my 'friends' about their relationship with him.  Then I confronted him....... and then I moved out.  Monogamy was definitely NOT in his vocabulary.

(tick tock tick tock)

I remember one day sitting in my lil home in Kingston -- reviewing my life.  Realizing living on my own wasn't such a bad thing.  At least my heart was safe...... and I questioned my need to be submissive -- to be 'bossed' around by someone who barely had his life together.  

But as each birthday rolled around I felt older and older -- and I started to feel that the life I had dreamed of was not going to happen.  I was going to be on my own -- probably become the crazy cat lady.

(tick tock tick tock)

And then Sir Steve popped up in my life again.
I didn't recognise myself.  I went after this relationship with a passion.  I didn't weigh the pros and cons of moving to be with him... I didn't over think the relationship... I didn't give a damn how many times my parents rolled over in their graves -- or what my brother would think of me -- or what my girls would think.  I was going to take that big step off the edge and trust he would catch me. 

I am 17 years older than Sir Steve -- more than half my life is over.  I want to squeeze as much living as possible into the time we have together.  I don't want to waste one more minute worrying about what people think...... I want to grab life and live it to the fullest.  I am the best person -- P E R S O N -- I can be with him -- not submissive not slave just ME.  And he is the best person -- P E R S O N -- he can be with me -- not Dominant or domineering or even bossy he's just HIM.

Spending time with Sir Steve -- with the right person -- is a very good thing!