Saturday, January 20, 2018


That pic pretty much describes my day yesterday -- every day after another postponement -- my day after any contact for any reason with the family.

I am tired ya know?  My heart hurts.  All the good advice (given and posted) about not letting negative people influence your life -- not letting them in -- kicking them to the curb -- just doesn't work for me.  

This time it is taking me much longer to bounce back.

The tears are just behind my eyes - ready to spill over.  Yesterday was a weepy sort of day -- Missy (the cat) spent most of the day curled up tight against me.  Then late in the afternoon I was chatting with my eldest daughter and the tears spilled over -- hell more than spilled over -- I sat here typing to her sobbing.  The dog was whining and when I looked over at her she suddenly jumped up and jumped onto the sofa -- put her paws against my chest and started licking my face.  

Sir Steve came in with a Tim Horton's french vanilla (a treat) and candy for me.  Everyone is trying so hard to make me feel better and I feel guilty cause I am really having trouble shaking these emotions this time.

AND that makes me feel guilty too -- I want to be happy and full of piss and vinegar -- cheeky bratty subbie -- driving Sir Steve nuts on our two days alone.......... but I'm not there .....not yet.  

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