Wednesday, December 06, 2017


I went shopping yesterday -- all day shopping!  I had been really looking forward to my day out ..... I had little things to pick up for Christmas -- stocking stuffers -- and Christmas miscellaneous -- and of course groceries.

I got home with 40 minutes to spare (had to meet the lil one's school bus) and I was wiped!  exhausted!  dead on my feet!  even the lil joys of finding the exact right gifts -- finding so many of the groceries on sale.... did nothing to help my state of mind.

You see -- I hate people..... well that's not exactly true -- I don't hate people -- it's more like they tire me out -- and sometimes scare me -- but mostly confuse me.

I was thinking this morning about this whole social anxiety thing... you see it feels so damn good today to be home safe and know I do not have to set foot out the door.

My parents used to always talk about how difficult I was as a child -- they couldn't tell me when we were going anywhere or doing anything fun cause I would "get myself so worked up with excitement that I would make myself sick".... I remember people telling me (when I grew up) how they couldn't get over how shy I was as a child - hiding behind my parents in social situations.  Of course it didn't help -- I guess -- that my parents took me everywhere -- to adult functions -- as I was an only child for so many years. 

Is social anxiety something you're born with ?? or is it developed?

I wish there was a magic pill that would make it vanish in a puff of smoke -- I really do!  I would love to know how it feels to be comfortable with people -- to be able to shop in crowds and not need a day or two to heal from the experience.  

There are days I would like to be 'normal' -- BUT then I wouldn't be me now would I? 
And I rather like being me -- even with the traces of weirdness around the edges.


  1. You're not the only one who goes through that. I've been accused of being antisocial my whole life, but I'm not. I simply need alone time to recharge after being around a lot of people. Especially my family because they're more likely to drain me than strangers.

    Anyhow, just continue to seek balance.

  2. It sounds like you're a classic introvert - I think it's something you're born with (although it could definitely be made worse by circumstances).

    Have to say frame of mind has a lot to do with shopping in situations like that. I think if you just go to 'have a look' and without determination that you must get everything on a list, then you're probably more likely to enjoy it than if you go with the expectation of getting everything. less stress on yourself and all that. This is why i tend to prefer to do my xmas present shopping online these days. MUCH less stress and hassle!!


  3. you're not the only one. when i was in pre school my teacher came round for a chat with mum because she was concerned i wasn't playing or talking or socialising with any of my classmates.

    even now i have to plan in advance and psych myself for a day out at the shops.

    i've bought a LOT of my presents online. :)

  4. I find it hard to socialize too. I was an only child who lived in a neighbourhood where the children all spoke another language. Friends of my grandmother who came to visit with their children all spoke another different language. So I was quite isolated, and also hated being dragged to all-adult activities as the only child in evidence.



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