Wednesday, December 06, 2017
I went shopping yesterday -- all day shopping! I had been really looking forward to my day out ..... I had little things to pick up for Christmas -- stocking stuffers -- and Christmas miscellaneous -- and of course groceries.
I got home with 40 minutes to spare (had to meet the lil one's school bus) and I was wiped! exhausted! dead on my feet! even the lil joys of finding the exact right gifts -- finding so many of the groceries on sale.... did nothing to help my state of mind.
You see -- I hate people..... well that's not exactly true -- I don't hate people -- it's more like they tire me out -- and sometimes scare me -- but mostly confuse me.
I was thinking this morning about this whole social anxiety thing... you see it feels so damn good today to be home safe and know I do not have to set foot out the door.
My parents used to always talk about how difficult I was as a child -- they couldn't tell me when we were going anywhere or doing anything fun cause I would "get myself so worked up with excitement that I would make myself sick".... I remember people telling me (when I grew up) how they couldn't get over how shy I was as a child - hiding behind my parents in social situations. Of course it didn't help -- I guess -- that my parents took me everywhere -- to adult functions -- as I was an only child for so many years.
Is social anxiety something you're born with ?? or is it developed?
I wish there was a magic pill that would make it vanish in a puff of smoke -- I really do! I would love to know how it feels to be comfortable with people -- to be able to shop in crowds and not need a day or two to heal from the experience.
There are days I would like to be 'normal' -- BUT then I wouldn't be me now would I?
And I rather like being me -- even with the traces of weirdness around the edges.
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