This love we have was not without it's internal struggles -- especially on my side. What was I bringing to this relationship??? There is a huge age difference between us -- I swore up down and sideways I would never date (never mind fall in love) with someone so much younger than myself. After all what would we have in common?? Our life experiences would drive wedges between us -- I was sure!!!
But surprise surprise we haven't had a problem ..... must be my "Peter Pan Complex" (never wanting to grow up) ....... And I am getting used to the looks people give us when we are together -- and the being called "grandma" when I am with the lil one (though it confuses the hell out of her )
There are still days that I look at the saggy skin and wrinkles and hate the 'old' body that seems to have just suddenly appeared. There are still days that I look at Sir Steve and worry he is gonna take the rose coloured glasses off and see me for who I am...... BUT most of the time I am ok
The only real serious worry I have -- the one that keeps me awake at night -- is -- I don't want to EVER be a burden to Sir Steve. I want to be strong and independent for EVER!! I don't want him to ever regret this relationship.
And that worry is building and building this week.
You see on Thursday morning Sir Steve will drive me back to Kingston to see my cancer doctor. I will go through the invasive test .... and find out if the cancer is back. This is the first time I have been allowed to go a year without re-testing or monitoring as they call it. It has been 2 years since there was any cancer found -- which means I should have a positive attitude right -- 2 years cancer free!! BUT I'm not even remotely confident. I am scared stiff........ sick to my stomach scared.....not sleeping sick.....not focused sick....... wanting to hide in the house sick.
I don't expect to post anything till this procedure is over -- good or bad -- I'll post the results.......... but till then my mind just isn't focused enough to write here.........
Praying for your peace of mind and that everything comes back cancer free.
ReplyDelete--Baker
I know you don't wish to hear from me, but I really CAN'T stay silent on this one...
ReplyDeleteSince I was there when you FIRST found out about your evil cancer and never ran away from being there every step of the way, my words RIGHT NOW as they have ALWAYS been YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK and I know Sir Steve will/have taken over my same thinking ( and I am very happy for this BTW ! ).
Now as for the other matter you mentioned, and Sir Steve don't take this the WRONG way, but standing beside you, morningstar, ( in my eyes ) there is NO VISUAL AGE DIFFERENCE and it is ALL in your mind. Also, there are LOTS of older/younger couple that have worked, so WHO cares what others think, it is ONLY yours and Sir Steve's problem ( if there is a problem ) and NO ONE'S concern !!!!
Now I will go back in the background and I will be crossing ( although KNOT needed ) for good test results on Thursday..
W
( otherwise known as Warren )
Good luck and good thoughts coming your way!
ReplyDeleteAs always, you're in my prayers ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteMorningstar - You are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs,
Ronnie
xx
I'll be thinking of you on Thursday. Stay positive, if you can. You are lucky to have a strong man supporting you.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Hermione
Much love and positive energy to you morningstar .... always!!
ReplyDelete