Thursday, November 16, 2017

Broken and can't be fixed

Early Tuesday morning when I got up -- I did my 'poke' test.  Inside didn't feel right -- physically I was fine -- but something didn't feel 'right' -- something felt broken - and it hurt.  Deep inside me.

I have tried for so long to be strong when it comes to the mother and grandmother and all their nastiness.  I have pulled myself up after each episode -- I have slogged on after each episode -- I have continued to 'fight the good fight' (I guess) after each episode.

BUT this time it feels like something broke deep inside me -- it feels like it will never be fixed again.  

I have no say in anything that happens.  I have no control over any of this.  I am the 'outsider'. 

I honestly don't know what direction life will take now -- 
I do know I love Sir Steve with my whole being and I'm not going anywhere -- but I also know I just can't be as emotionally invested in his family -- in his problems -- in his lil one.

And that is not a good thing.


  1. I'm sorry this happened, but I totally understand why it did. I've been in a relationship where I had to pull back from my SO's family drama for my own sanity. I didn't have the authority to do anything about it and he didn't seem as upset about it as I was. Or, if he was upset, he would still make excuses for it. Since I loved him, I had no choice but to let him deal with it the way he saw fit.

    Unfortunately, he didn't understand that my pulling away from that meant he shouldn't still come to me asking for advice that he ultimately wouldn't take. It was one of the reasons we ended up breaking up. Now, we can't even be friends though we tried for a while. The last I heard, he was with a woman who is as manipulative as his family members and she didn't want him talking to me. She said that when they first started dating years ago.

    Anyway, I still wish him well and I hope your situation works well for you.

  2. so sorry you are going through such a hard time. Stay positive and strong. Hopefully something will improves soon to help the situation.
    Just lean on Sir Steve.
    Hugs Lindy xx

  3. If they are attacking you directly can you take action through the courts? I don't know about where you are but here, where I am, harrassment is illegal and you can get court orders. I know she's shown no propensity to obey court orders thus far but I think she'll find when an actual crime is involved the courts will be less lenient and understanding. If they're not harrassing you illegally, then their interaction with you is the one thing you do have control over. can you minimise that? Make sure that when she comes to collect the lilone that you are not there? that sort of thing?

    Do what you need to do to look after you, but try to hang in there. I firmly believe that sooner or later SirSteve will get permanent, full time custody and when that happens her presence in your life should be less, and hopefully then you can spend a little more time with his lilone.

  4. Hugs, big Hugs. Whatever support you need....we are here for you.


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