I really do want to thank everyone who dropped by over the LOL days -- and especially to those who left a comment. There were some that made me smile and some that warmed my heart -- but they all made me very happy ! You know I am still mildly surprised that anyone reads my ramblings -- always have been and probably always will be.
We had a good weekend -- busy one -- Saturday was an engagement dinner party for my eldest daughter in Ottawa....... Sunday was The Big Christmas show -- that was a total bust. I was SO disappointed!!
And of course Sunday afternoon was spent watching the CFL East and West Finals -- big Grey Cup game is next Sunday ...... for those of you who don't know I LOVE football -- well Canadian football.
I realized this weekend that since I have been sick -- what is it now about 6 weeks? I haven't been taking my mega doses of B12. Why I honestly don't know....... but shame on me!! I don't know what made me think of it -- but it just jumped into my head. I started to realize I have been so damn tired -- and the anxiety has been getting worse -- and my body has been aching ..... I thought it was just the bug ..... but maybe it's lack of B12. Needless to say I started back on my mega daily doses and am hoping that in a week or so I will be feeling much better.
This morning I was outside having my coffee and smoke -- it was still dark and very quiet -- my thinking time. Today should have been our day in court -- instead the mother was on a plane flying off to her boyfriend for a 3 week holiday. We know someone who is going to report her to Welfare. She is not supposed to leave the province for more than 7 days -- never mind the country. I don't have much hope that this government agency will care any more than the family court system.... but ya never know.
And I was examining the relationship with the lil one. I have noticed an uppity attitude towards me......she hasn't said the words -- but I feel them as much as if she had said "YOU are not the boss of me!" This feeling has been building over the last few weeks -- I have tried to ignore it but I can't.
And Sir Steve has snapped at me a couple of times when I have offered an opinion...
And I am slowly coming to realize I am not her teacher ... not her tutor and most definitely not her parent. I am nothing. So I will distance myself from them both .... I have become too invested in this family thing. I guess that needs to change.
Lesson learned.
I was in a relationship where I was asked to help "parent" and one day my ex did not like my time of voice towards her child the ex told me off in front of the child and from then on the child started to not listen to me. The situation should have been handle privately between us. After that and other circumstances, I was allowed and expected to feed, shop, clean and pay bills but could never offer any discipline or have the kids expected to help.
ReplyDeleteI kept saying to myself not my kids not my problem. But they were part of my clan and I did care and so did they. It was super confusing. If my ex and I had just spent some time figuring stuff out together and communicated better things would have been a lot better for all of us. Instead that was one of the reasons I left and is one of my biggest regrets do the fact I felt like I abandoned the children.
Step parents in any form need to be consider especially if you are living together full time. It is near impossible not to have some sort of relationship.
Unfortunately it sounds like outside stress because of all these hold ups with Sir Steve's ex causing even more stress and compounds things.
I hope that with active communication with Sir Steve you 3 can figure this out because you have a lot to offer and Sir Steve and the little one actually know this.
It sounds like the B12 might help so i hope u stay on it for a bit. The other stuff is foreign to me - i dont have to deal with anyone's lids so i cant offer advice. But i can send virtual hugs. Hope u feel better soon!
ReplyDelete