I have been thinking (yeah yeah I only get myself into a mess/trouble when I think!) about how seriously I take people's suggestions. My ex-husband used to do it all the time. He would say something like 'on the weekend we will go here -- or there' and I would think it was a promise. That we would actually do it. BUT over time I came to know he was simply thinking out loud -- or day dreaming. And I would land up being so damn disappointed.
Over the years -- through my relationships -- I have tried not to listen to their plans. I have had to remind myself over and over that it wasn't a 'promise' it was just a thought floating around.
At one point I used to say "do you PROMISE?" cause somehow that seemed to make me feel better - for the moment. Usually the response was "No I don't promise -- we'll see" and then I would want to stamp my foot! Why say something if you aren't gonna work to make it happen??
When I hear "we're gonna do ......(whatever)....... " my mind starts planning -- I start making lists -- I start getting excited. It's a tough place to be. I think -- maybe ?? -- it's the little girl inside of me who never grew up...... who believes what she is told.... and gets excited at the idea.......
The other day "the wife" and I were talking -- about being adults and how we never quite "grew up". We don't see the world through the same eyes as other folks. She made me smile when she said "I keep expecting to get my super secret membership card to the adult club and the rule book " which pretty much describes my view on life -- on adulting.
So now -- when someone says they are planning on doing something -- I don't trust that it will really happen............. as fast as I feel the excitement start -- I try to reign it in -- cause it probably isn't a "promise" and so many things can come up that are more important than the one little thing they said -- and I might just be left feeling sad and disappointed.
If this is "adulting" then thank you very much I'm not sure I want to "adult" ........
Oh my god this is so me! It's got to be a little thing :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think its linked to being a submissive or even a little. My Dominant is like you - anything I say he expects it to be kept to like a promise. If I say i'll get the washing out of the machine in five minutes, he expects me to do that, not in half an hour, unless something important has intervened (and I've explained that). If I say should we go to XYZ this weekend, then in his mind, that's a set thing. So I've learned to mind what I say, and make sure that I keep to it or be prepared to explain why not (he's not unreasonable, but just changing my mind doesn't cut it - unless he's changed his mind too!). I think it helps that I maintain a journal and I write these things down, so that I remember them and don't just forget, which is what I used to do. Not sure this helps you a lot, just wanted to say that it's not linked to being sub or little or anything like that. If anything, its linked to him having Aspergers.
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