Warren and I planned to go to a munch last evening...... for those of you unclear on the term munch - it is a get together of like minded people. So in this case an event was listed on Fetlife announcing the time and place, and anyone interested can attend.
As the munches today seem to involve drinking and no food....... Warren and I decided to go into town early and have a quiet dinner together at a little restaurant. We had a delightful dinner - quiet time together which is so nice in this busy world. Then off to the munch
It was listed as starting at 7 - we arrived at 7:15 (a tad early but still) and the organisers weren't even there!
The evening for the most part went downhill from there. At one point I honestly felt I was back in high school with the "in crowd" and the clicks. I was mingling..... and noticed a young chap standing by himself at the bar just staring off into space.
I went over a started a conversation with him..... Warren soon joined me... and the three us enjoyed an hour's long conversation about the lifestyle .. and life in general. It turns out he was really new to the lifestyle - only joining Fetlife a week ago. He told us that he had given it an hour and if things hadn't improved he was gonna slip out and (in my opinion) brand the lifestyle folks as snobbish and unwelcoming.
It made me question why hold a munch if you aren't going to play host and at least make sure folks are introduced to one or two other folks. Why was it this young chap managed to get in... be there for close to an hour and didn't even know who the host was??!!! Honestly I find that shameful.
Warren and I headed off to home around 11:30 with me wondering how soon I will venture out to another munch.
Every couple of years we venture out to a "Munch". Around here, they are usually in a restaurant so we DO get to feed ourselves and then we spend the time eating and bashing ourselves over the head. Why in the hell do we do this? We are disappointed EVERY time. Usually it is a "clicky" sort of event with very few people engaging the new people. And not that we would want to be engaged, btw. I label most of the "munchers" as "Critters". A Critter is someone who I just do not have a thing in common with and who has difficulty having a conversation with anyone but a fellow Critter. Then we swear we will NOT do that ever again...and a couple of years go by....you see where I am heading.
ReplyDeleteI think of Munches as gatherings. And when I have a gathering in my home, and invite like-minded people, I feel it is my place to make all feel welcome. That is never the way these things go and I have no idea why I subject myself to them occasionally....but I do.
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personally, I haven't done a munch in years just because I am uncomfortable in a public venue with a bunch of tattooed, pierced, leather-clad BDSMers. If I am going to visit with people "of like mind," I want to watch play, or play, or at least, not wonder how much impact we might have on the venue's business.
ReplyDeleteThat's very disappointing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad the munches we attend are not like that. We are lucky to have a great local group.
ReplyDeleteNot having a host that does intros seems to defeat the purpose entirely.
Hopefully your conversation and friendliness prevented the new guy from judging the lifestyle by the snobbery.
That's really not a well organized event!
ReplyDeleteI've been running a Fetlife munch group in Australia for a couple of years now. Some things I learned quite early on:
1) keep the group small
2) allow for the fact that at least half the first timers won't show (but will next month) and
3) make sure the venue doesn't serve alcohol, so first timers don't get drunk because of nerves!
Yesterday we had a munch picnic on a mountain top in an off the leash dog friendly park, so people could bring their pets. It was a really nice afternoon. Two out of four first timers attended and there were nice messages from them in my inbox this morning so we didn't scare them off *grin*