Tuesday, March 22, 2011


After I posted yesterday I was expecting at least a few nay sayers... a few people who would take exception to what I had written.  After all - it is a bit revolutionary for a submissive to say she felt lost or invisible in a D/s relationship.

But not one nay sayer....... I am guessing most of my readers were brought up with Mother's words ringing in their ears "If you don't have something nice to say - then don't say anything at all".

The problem I am facing now....... thanks to an email from Warren last evening .... is to try and describe what a 'bottom' looks like, acts like, differs from a submissive.  How will this affect Warren - how will it work???

And truthfully folks - I am still unclear on those questions.  I kinda sorta have a picture in my head - but that picture doesn't translate into words........ 

At least not yet.


  1. Impish110:25 am

    I guess the answer there is it's probably different for each relationship; it's the individuals in the relationship who define it, don't you think?
    Good news that free discussion doesn't include a lot of negative, sometimes there is too much of that. I do want to say thank you for being a blog where I can come without having to leave personal information. I love to be part of the discussions, and try to be a repectful participant in the dialogue, but I more and more blogs are requiring an email address to comment. One of my favorite blogs where I was a frequent participant and supporter has just made the change and so I'm out (only one family computer, no private email). So again, thanks for the welcome.

  2. Don't label it. Just do and enjoy.

  3. I wasnt really trying to be polite by not responding to your post yesterday- I guess I think sometimes people write to think things through, work things out for themselves-even though its put out for everyone to see.I am the absolute LAST person in the world to know what all the definitions for Master/ Dom/ Top/ Owner/ slave/sub/bottom/ property- really means. Yes, I know some are 24/7- some are just play time....but in reality, everyone has their very own responsibiliteies each and every day, that dont include their Significant- in -Lifestyle Others (did that make sense? lol) I mean, You can be submissive as can be- head bowed, eyes lowered, hands behind your back- but at your job or in raising children, or talking to a repairman, etc, you need to be in control- but in being in control, I feel you are still submitting to your One. You are reflecting Him (or Her).. you are taking care of things in your life the way your One would if He (She) was there doing it Themselves.
    I also think everyone in this lifestyle comes to their own understanding of what they are together, what is expected of each person, what their “titles” are- do someone elses definitions really matter? I dont think so. So many dont believe I am Masters slave because a) we dont live together- b) we are thousands of miles apart- c) we are married to others....but to Master and me, I am His slave- I follow the rules (mostly..lol) that He set out for me- I ask permission to go places, buy things, do things (that involve me, not my family) I am available to Him pretty much 24/7 by phone, text or computer. If He tells me to do something, I do it- if He tells me no, I dont.
    I dont think im staying on track here with my thoughts, but I guess im saying be what the two of you want- what feels good to you. Titles from a book or website or other peoples views or expectations dont really matter- the title you and your Sir choose is all that matters. Bottom/ submissive/slave- to me they are kinda all wrapped up together.

  4. I wasn't being polite either. I'm having my own crisis of "what it is I really want, and can I do this". As I read around different blogs, I think this is actually going around, like a mutant subbie flu. It's popping up in different forms and intensities in an awful lot of places.

    Your question, "Is this viable in the long term"? sure provoked my thoughts.

  5. lol i wasnt polite..........i just didnt reply (sorry). That alone feeling can exist in all relationships , be it nilla/BDSM/ what ever title you want to give them. i just guess we have to work at it in our own ways ... and i personally like Buffalo's comment ..

  6. I would not like to be a Nay or Yay sayer on your last post. Although spankos and BDSMers have some things in common we still are very different. For example, from your previous posts I have realized that your definition of a "bottom" and mine are very different. I just do not know enough about your side of the kink world to say anything on your last post that would not be coming directly from where the sun don't shine. Hope that you work things out though.


  7. I agree with Buffalo.

    I guess that having to differentiate and put all that thought into such kinda defies the idea of just bottoming (and not submitting). Know what I mean?

  8. I didn't read it till tonight.. but I'll reply some now...

    All relationships have levels in them, and in D/s or BDSM the shades of grey are even more subtle sometimes. The best situations are able to be flexible and that allows them to evolve.. what works for a while, morphs into something else. If the relationship is too ridged, then it may well break and shatter, not surviving. Paladin and I have worked to keep things flexible between us. Being able to bend with situations and preferences allows us to maintain something that is alive between us and not frozen or stagnant. And Communication.. not mis-communications either. *smiles* Concise and clear.. so that both parties always have a clear picture of what's going on between them. No misunderstood words or term... no X means Y... both have to be n the same page, same paragraph and same words..clear as to X being X.

    I would like to add, that Paladin as a submissive has a strong preference for patterns and protocols. He likes the solid feel they give to things. He likes to add and build on them. He is not a silly person, nor would he think that his protocols were silly. In fact, he'd give that stallion like snort to it.. as he prides himself on NOT being at all silly (can you say engineer?) So lets all give some grace and understand what maybe silly to one person... isn't to another. And frankly, I've never seen him following them a measure of how good he is or isn't. For him, it is a solid measure that lets him hum happily along, secure in things planned that he can rely on. And when he is happy, I am happy, and visa versa.

    And that's the point to it all isn't is? You do what makes you happy, and we do what makes us happy. And neither of us is right or wrong .. we just are.

    I think being visible or invisible is also a matter of relationship. Would it really be any different in a vanilla relationship? In how many of them do folks feel invisible? All relationships take work to keep each other feeling special and connected. I was in many such relationships in the course of my life. Hopefully, we can all work to keep those vital and important relationships alive and visible, no matter what sort they are.

    Well. thats my $2.00's worth..
    Great blog!
    Good thoughts to all...


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