Lil rituals

Sir and i have these lil rituals... lil things that remind me who i am .. my place in the scheme of things if you like..

Like calling Him Sir.. which is kinda funny.. at first when we were together we were only ever together with friends in the lifestyle.. so calling Him Sir was not difficult at all..(well once i got the hang of the thing) no one expected anything else to come out of my mouth.. my girls knew i called Him Sir.. and the why... and over the years i have noticed that they call Him Sir more than they call Him Warren.... BUT recently Sir and i have been doing a lot of things in vanilla company.. (besides wedding affairs.. ) and i turn to call Him and catch myself.. i stammer and stutter and find it difficult to spew out "Warren" .. it is like a foreign language to me..

Then there is the clothing ritual - well i like to think of it as a ritual... in the house - as much as Sir would like me naked - because of non-consensual neighbours .. delivery men.. and other odd assortment of people walking by the front windows.. naked isn't really an option.. So i wear a tshirt.. and only a tshirt in the house. (ok ok in the winter i can wear a sweat shirt - so sexy no?? ) Even during this past week or so when i have been fighting with the mystery bug.. i still came home and stripped down to a tshirt ... There are times - wearing only a tshirt can be a problem... like last evening.. the doorbell rang... now i had on a BDSM tshirt that Sir made me for me.. complete with a naked picture of myself on the back... but when i peaked out to see if i should just ignore the door bell i realized it was an administrator from my townhouse complex.. now i was in a quandry.. you see .. if Sir is here.. He would answer the door while i ran to find some sweat pants or shorts or something to pull on...... but i was alone.. so i made a mad dash up the stairs.. grabbed a pair of pants and was trying to pull them on as i dashed back down the stairs.. (now that is a recipe for an accident if ever there was one !!) Now don't get me wrong.. i am not complaining about the tshirt rule.. i rather enjoy the freedom it affords.. unless of course the doorbell rings........

i also wear a collar .. a necklace for anyone who doesn't know.. made of chainmail... it is heavy and unfortunately the first thing to go when i am sick.. it gets ripped from my neck because .. when i am sick.. i have this phobia about anything around my neck.. especially if i am coughing and spewing.. something.. anything around my neck makes me feel like i can't breath.. i know i know.. that isn't rational.. but there it is....

But the one lil ritual we have.. one that i often trespass over.. is the one i want to talk about..
It is not entering a room if Sir is in it.. without permission.. Often times when Sir is here.. i will be all involved in things.. (talking to Sir or completing some task like closing the curtains) and just bounce into the room without thinking to stop and ask.... i am getting better (god i would hope so !!! this rule has been in effect for a couple of years at least) and tend to skid to a halt just inside the room.. and then wiggle my toes backwards till they are almost at the edge of the door frame.. BUT the weirdest thing has been going on these past few days.... i have been stopping before i enter the living room !! and there is no one here but me and the cats ........ and i have been stopping !!! The first time it happened i sort of scratched my head and said "what is THAT about??" and continued on in.. but it has been happening over and over when i go to enter the living room.... it makes me laugh.. i would say i have that lil ritual down pat now. !!!

Now if i could just get better so that i can have my Sir back .. and someone to appreciate all these lil rituals.. the cats don't notice.. though the neighbours may be starting to.. (cheeky grin)

Mini Rant

well ya know that things must be pretty damn boring around here when i post a post on politics !!!

Though i am not sure i should use the word "boring"..... dead might be better..

i am still sick with the mystery bug.... so sick in fact that Sir canceled the weekend - He didn't come over....... the munch and play party will go on without me.. even my grandson's second birthday will be held without me !!

i cried when Sir said He wasn't coming...... cried from disappointment and relief.. i am not so stupid to think that this old body is up to anything more than resting on the couch .... BUT .. i am so tired of being "poorly" (as my grandmother used to say) i want to play.. and play and play some more.. i want bruises and welts .. i want to serve Sir on my knees..

i want i want i want........

The reality is........ i can barely make a bowl of soup for myself.. and i have just enough energy to drag myself to the bathroom and back to the couch..........

i am currently avoiding all mirrors as i haven't done my hair or even washed my face - there just isn't enough energy in this body for that kind of activity.

i am SO bored i even went on Fet life and read some of the posts and managed to fire off a couple of responses to posts........ and i thought while i am upright on the net.. i should leave some sort of "message in a bottle" on my own blog.......... right??

so here it is...........

if i don't die from this mystery bug....... maybe life will return to some sort of normalcy next week??

god i hope so........... cause right now i feel like a fairy with her wings clipped.....

Politics....

i have never ever done this before.. EVER........

that is discuss anything political..........

never mind express my open honest opinion of the political machine........

BUT .. driving home today from work i listened to a radio personality go on about our right to vote.. about informing ourselves.. and about a 27 year old who had never ever voted....... and how wrong that was....... According to him it is an obligation to vote.

"Obligation - something one must do because of a law, an agreement or a promise."

Now as far as i know .. there is no law that says everyone MUST vote.. nor is there any agreement between anyone that everyone MUST vote.. nor is there any promise that everyone MUST vote.

So i think he was wrong.

i was educated in the right to vote by my grandmother first and my father second. It was my grandmother who made the biggest impact on my desire to vote.. or my right to vote.

As i approached the age of majority - and the right to vote for the first time - my grandmother started her history lesson about the Women's Suffragette movement. She was a member of the Women's Suffragette movement - or had been. She believed in women's rights..... and she was gonna make damn sure i believed in them.. protected them.. and lived for them.

My father made sure i understood that i had a right to vote.. the right to chose someone to speak for me in government. He was a Liberal - but never ..... not once .. did he try to influence my vote. To him it was important that i learn what i believed in, what i wanted, and the future i envisioned and to vote accordingly.

i have voted in every single election since that first one when i was 18. Trust me when i say that is one helluva lot of votes.

But something has happened to me down that long road of voting......... i have become disillusioned with the process.. with the parties.. with the absolute corruption of power. Because that is what i believe happens.. even the most well meaning candidate seems to be corrupted by the power of governing.

i am tired of the name calling .. the mud throwing.. the hit below the belt campaigning.

There doesn't seem to be a party that i believe in anymore....... there doesn't seem to be a party that stands by it's word..... there doesn't seem to be anyone who comes close to believing in the future i see.. in the needs that need fixing.. in the absolute necessity of listening to the people and governing FOR the people.

Did those women almost 100 years ago feel this way too?? did they ever give up hope on the political machine?? i can't help but wonder what my grandmother .. and father.. would say about the political machine today.... and i am sorry too that other than those first words of encouragement to get out and vote.. that i never picked their brains more about the disillusionment that comes from the reality of politics.

i wondered as i drove home .. listening to this radio announcer scold this 27 year old woman for not voting........ what would happen if no one.. absolutely no one voted in this election???????

What if they called an election and no one came??????????

Day 4

i am on day 4 of this mystery bug...........

i am still sneezing and coughing and aching.........

i am trying to dot all my i's and cross all my t's before next Tuesday.......... while blowing my nose.......

i have had enough..... thank you very much........

chicken soup.. Tylenol.. cough syrup.. kleenixed out.........

oh .. but i did discover something new the other day at the drugstore.. they are now selling kleenix with anti viral crap in them.. promises to kill all germs in the kleenix in 15 minutes. Now i am wondering who timed this killing spree? i am wondering why they bothered?? i also fell prey to the advertising and bought a box........

The kleenix has this layer of blue spots in the middle of the double ply ...... i am guessing those blue spots are the virus killers.. i am also starting to wonder if i stuff enough of those blue spots up my nose will they kill the germs in my nose in 15 minutes ??? i think i am getting desperate..

day 4 and counting.............

A slave

i have become a slave.......... oh my god how did it happen??!!! A SLAVE - for god's sakes!!!

But not a slave to Sir.. not a slave to my work.. or my children.. or god forbid weddings..... but a slave to numbers....

i realized this morning as i logged on to the net and went immediately to the stats for my blog .. even before my eyes were fully open.. or my coffee made.......

i was studying the stats for my blog... how many newcomers.. how many return visitors.. how many pages read.......... and i was shocked.... i had my largest day ever yesterday.. over 300 visitors... 300??!!! i honestly do believe there must have been some sort of glitch in the system.... that many people reading that many pages.. and not one comment?? ok wait.. yes i had a comment .. but i mean from strangers......

And it sort of put to rest my fear that if i didn't keep writing the dark secrets of my life as a masochist no one would come......... cause folks .. i haven't written anything dark and eerie.. or sensual or erotic or dirty.. for days now... i have written about mystery bugs.. and Bridal Teas.. and still they ... YOU.. come.

Which only goes to prove the point made to me in a email.......... i am more than a masochist.. and people enjoy reading about those other parts of my life... (god i hate when he is right !!! and HE knows who HE is!!)

It also goes to prove the point that i have become obsessed with numbers.. they are up they are down.. and wondering why .. wondering how.... enough already !!!

This blog was originally started to give me a place to sound off on all my theories about BDSM.... all my beliefs.. and sometimes even a tale or two about what goes on behind closed doors....... to give the frustrated writer in me an outlet.........

Somewhere along the way i have become a slave to the numbers.... and to the words.. and if i don't think i have anything to say about BDSM i feel i have nothing to say.......... so wrong.. on so many levels.

So i will write.. through the dry BDSM days .. through the stresses of weddings and work.. and mystery bugs that lay me low........ because one thing i know for sure...... i am a frustrated writer.. who desperately needs an outlet for all the words that pile up and tumble around inside my head...........

And so the writing will continue... i don't know from one day to the next what words will tumble out onto the page......... but there are enough of them that i have no fear of running out.........

snuffle snuffle

Now i know i am dating myself - according to an email i received.... when i say i have the grippe - However i do have to clarify something here... "le grippe" is a common french expression and though i do write for you anglophones (cheeky grin) sometimes a french expression or two will slip in.. the only thing i will admit to is that i did actually spell it wrong... BUT my brain is total mush from this bug so how can i be expected to check every last little word for spelling / grammar???

The cough syrup doesn't taste any better - but it does seem to offer some relief.. the Tylenol works fairly well on the aches and pains.. for 3 hours .. the fact that i am not supposed to take more than 2 every 4 hours seems to be a mute point for this bug !!!

Yesterday i managed to vacuum the main level and run a duster.. AND ..as i was totally ashamed by the glaring filth of the living room windows... and because my daughter's future mother in law will be coming to tea here today.. i actually managed to wash the living room windows yesterday morning.. (Rumour has it Sir took a couple of pictures of my naked ass hanging out the window...... but so far it is only a rumour)

Now this isn't really what i wanted to discuss today... i was wondering if anyone else has a similar reaction to me to being sick... i feel so useless... i am supposed to be the one taking care of .. not being taken care of...... and worse than that. this weekend i have managed to stay upright.. and get little jobs done.. like feeding my Sir.. and i have even managed a wiggle or two in His direction.... BUT i am so NOT in any shape for any play........ and yeah yeah i know that is life... and yeah yeah i know that part of Sir's job is making sure i am healthy etc etc... BUT why do i feel so damn guilty that i can not perform to my best???

What if Sir really wanted to whip my ass this weekend.. or have some mind blowing sex... or tie me up and throw me in a corner???? Why do i always feel like i have failed Him when i get these damn bugs and am half the submissive (or a quarter the submissive) i should be??? Does anyone else feel like this????

And no Sir is NOT complaining... and yes i am doing this guilt trip to myself...... but i can't be the only one. am i??? to feel these feelings of inadequacy when i am under the weather..........

ohhhhh well.... we have wonderful BDSM plans for next weekend - so it could be worse - i could have come down with this "grippe" next weekend and not been able to go.......... this weekend the worse that i am missing is a little flogging on the run......... the Bridal Tea will still go on.. i can snuffle my way through that........ so slap me upside the head.. things could be much worse.. i know i know !!!

BUT i still wonder if anyone else feels these feelings of inadequacy............

i don't believe it !!!

Two weeks ago i got hit by some gastro bug that laid me low for 48 hours...... i didn't bother writing about it .. cause... well.. it hit on a Sunday afternoon and finished by Tuesday..... So i had enough from the weekend to write about... and i guess in a funny way i wanted to pretend it never happened (don't ask !!! i am a really pissy patient...... and if i can pretend it never happened .. i am happier)

Well the gastro i got ...... went round the school .. which in a very weird way made me feel more comfortable ....... i didn't have some weird and wonderful super bug.. i had the common gastro that everyone was getting.............

Then last week.. a grip started to go round the school.. teachers and kids dropping like flies.. going home with fevers and coughs and just plain feeling miserable....... i didn't think much about it.. hells bells i had had my one bug right???

Wellllllllllll .. guess what??

Friday morning i awoke with a sore throat...... this bug was not going to get me... wasn't gonna slip in and surprise me.. no sireeee ... not this time.. i started taking Vitamin C like mad.. i thought positive thoughts.. i thought happy thoughts..

Friday night i fell apart......... my chest was tight.. my head hurt.. my eyes hurt.. my cough sounded like a seal barking............Sir took me to the drugstore and i bought yucky awful cough syrup with menthol for the snuffy nose........... i took a hot hot bath.. (sweat it out) .. i took Tylenol.. i took 2 teaspoons of the cough syrup..........

Now you have to know something about me.. i HATE cough syrup.. i HATE how it is thick and coats and your throat.. i HATE the taste.. i HATE the after taste......... i just plain HATE cough syrup.........

i have a routine.. a ritual if you like.. for taking cough syrup...... i have a BIG glass of water at the ready.....i pour it out.. i sniff it.. i swallow it.. i gag.. i sip water to keep it down.......

Last night was no different...... water ready.. sniffer ready... but when i sniffed this cough syrup it smelled a little bit like peppermint...... i LIKE peppermint.. could they have found a better flavour?? i swallowed the cough syrup with high hopes.........

i coughed .. i spluttered.. i gagged.. i sipped the water.......

OH MY GOD...... it was like swallowing a spoonful of vick's vapor rub.......... oh my god it was awful !!!!!!!!

Bit of advise here for anyone who should get this grip that appears to be going around.. do not.. i repeat .. DO NOT.. take mentholated cough syrup...... rub the damn stuff on your chest.. on your belly............ and hope it goes in by osmosis......... just don't swallow the stuff !!!!!!!!!

Ughhhhhhhhhhh this is not quite how i envisioned this weekend.... but batten down the hatches.. no matter what it takes.. i am gonna pull everything planned off with aplomb.. or die trying..........

One small email......

i am probably running the risk of sounding like i am repeating myself......... but have i told you how busy Septembers are for me??

i have to have all the government documents signed sealed and delivered by the 30th of September.. or did i tell you that already?

i am hosting a Bridal Tea this weekend.. or did i tell you that already??

i have been coming home every night this week and baking .. or cleaning.. or baking and cleaning...... or did i tell you that already??

i have been fighting traffic every single evening coming home - because they have virtually every single road torn up between here and work.. and a bridge or two as well.. or did i tell you that already??

Last night i made it home in record time.. i am getting good at dodging the torn up streets and traffic (well at least last night i did) .. i had the best of all plans..... clean upstairs.. clean all the bathrooms.. ice the last pan of squares for the tea.. find something to eat for supper.. have a bath and fall into bed........ exhausted.

Best laid plans right??

Sir left me a task email (He was out for dinner). When i had finished cleaning - or when the old body gave out..... i was to put the clover clamps on my pussy lips for 20 minutes and masturbate and cum as many times as i could. Then i was to text message Him and report how many times i had cum.

i read it and thought yeahhhh right !! like i have time for that!!! never mind that i didn't feel the least bit like masturbating..........

Funny thing was...... the whole time i was cleaning the bathrooms... and moping the floors.. and washing the hallway....... and icing the pan of squares..... all i could really think about was clover clamps and vibrators.

In one short email Sir managed to refocus my mind and my energies........ there really is more to life than work .. dotting i's and crossing t's... baking and planning.. traffic jams and house work.

The bathrooms probably aren't as clean as they could be.. i may have missed a dust bunny or two while moping the floors........ but i did find the clover clamps... and i did manage 2 orgasms with clover clamps (i HATE clamps - when i am masturbating!!) And life for a very brief time looked a whole lot rosier....... thanks to one small task email.........

Early morning whining........

Fortunately .. for you - my readers....... most of my whining was done in an email before my morning coffee (hell i am still in the 'before my morning coffee' state!!)

Life is just plain boring........... like vanilla.. nice flavour but boring..........

When i look at the calendar from now till eternity.. i see one vanilla event after another slated for the weekends......

Last weekend i teased Sir (sort of teased - sort of spoke the truth) that life was becoming vanilla.. and i can't hold the submissive pose forever in a vacuum........It would appear by the time the weekend rolls around we are both exhausted.. pooped .. and so the weekend is spent doing what absolutely HAS to be done.... and vegging out on the sofa.......





We appear to be suffering a tsunami of vanilla activities.. and i have given up trying to fight the waves .. the impact .. the flooding of this vanilla tsunami that has swamped our lives.

Hells bells.. last night when i finally got home from work through all the road construction.. i was in the kitchen baking for the second and last Bridal Tea of our wedding season.. and i was thinking.. 'gee i could blog about the menu for the Tea....... about all the yummy comfort foods i have been baking'........... and then i came upstairs to the office and skidded to a halt.. and thought to myself.. is this blog about vanilla menus.. or about my lifestyle as a slave/submissive???

i guess it is becoming more a blog about life in general.. and the vanilla tsunami is overtaking the blog too..........





Once i had a dream....... to be a 24/7 slave.......... Sir used to threaten i wouldn't be able to handle His strictness 24/7 ............ i would crumble under the pressure.

Now ... shrug.. now i know the 24/7 - REAL 24/7 - will never happen... Sir will always be in His little corner of the Great White North and i will be in this corner..... and vanilla life will continue to slip under the doors and invade the house......... i will suffer from the whip lash of being a naked slave one minute.. and serving tea to the wedding ladies in heels and stockings and pretty party dresses....... or dressing up in long gowns and heels and parading around after Sir in kilt at some fancy dress ball............being addressed as.. are you ready for this one "Milady"......... geez louise when did i get promoted to "Milady" .. sighhh

my slave side is being pushed further and further away........ deeper into myself..... it scares me a little........ but that is my life......... out of control and spiraling away....... (or so it feels)

i guess what i am trying to say.. in a wordy way...... in a round about way ..... is........ that until life sorts itself out.. (unless god forbid THIS is my life now) .... that this blog will be a mix of recipes.. kids.. work.. and whips and chains...... and as for the fictional blog.... well .. not many read it.. and inspiration has quite literally dried up ... i think it is best put on sabbatical until such time as my imagination returns from IT'S sabbatical.

free flowing

A lot of the time we have what i like to call "free flowing" bdsm in our lives... there is no start .. no end.. it just flows through our days together......

That is pretty much the way it was this weekend..... i can't put a time or a day on something.. i just know it happened.. it flowed into the tapestry that was the day........

For example ..one morning as i was cleaning up the breakfast dishes........ Sir came to me and bent me - none too gently - over the table and fucked me ... i was yelping i wasn't ready (like i get to be ready ??) and that i was dry ..and ouch it hurt... and Sir said "does that matter to Me???!!) and almost immediately i felt the tightening in my belly......... it matters.. it really DOES matter that He takes what He wants.. and it makes me feel so owned.. and HOT. Of course in no time i was thoroughly enjoying being fucked in the midst of all the dirty dishes.. and all the chores for the day evaporated in a puff of smoke.. all that mattered was He was fucking me... and lordie did i cum !!! gushing all over the place.. which i gather was just what Sir was looking for.. As He wiped it all up... smeared it all over my ass and then started with a hand spanking........

And everyone knows that a spanking on wet skin hurts ohhhhhh so much more !!!

And there were the times Sir called me to come to Him... and He bent me over the arm of the sofa and spanked my ass.. stinging burning hand spanking............ and every once in a while He would bite my ass.. hard chomping down bites .. that made me levitate.. and moan......

And once He got quite a little rhythm going... my head could almost hear the music....... and then it was over and i was sent back to what it was i had been doing.......

It was like that all weekend long.. no rhyme or reason..... just as the spirit moved Him.

And it is a nice way to live the lifestyle.. not forced.. not playing.. just doing....... as it fits and suits....... the only small problem with all this free flow BDSM is that....... i never get enough pain to find the endorphins... i do get enough pain to hunger for them...... and i am guessing if Sir and i lived together all week long that this free flow BDSM would eventually accumulate in a longer session with all the endorphins my body craves..........

BUT .. when it is a mostly vanilla weekend.. when both of us are pooped and just enjoying being with each other........ free flow BDSM is pretty damn good !!!!

On Curing feelings of neglect........

On Saturday night.. after a long week at work (but fun and challenging and relatively stress free!!) and after a very vanilla day of wedding flower deliveries .. i made a comment.. an off the cuff... flippant comment.. something about my bum feeling neglected............ i soon discovered there are many ways to make one's bum feel less neglected without much effort on the 'Sir's' part.

i was told to go and get Mr. Mat...... i really thought He must be joking.. didn't He know that was NOT what i had in mind?? god when .. if ever.. will i learn it is not about my fantasizes.. and opening my mouth often times gets me things i don't want !!!!




i held out one hope...... that Mr Mat placed on a nice soft chair would make some sort of difference... would somehow make it a little easier to take than sitting on the hard floor........
i was wrong............ very wrong.

It was difficult getting into the chair........... which was just plain fear of the spikes biting into tender skin..... the chair itself is never difficult to get into....... or out of ....... for that matter..
i just sort of plunked down.. and the spikes pushed into tender skin........ i glanced over at Sir who was watching my antics........ and smiling........ He went back to watching television......

Half an hour into Mr Mat........ my ass was burning but not burning as badly as in the beginning... and i was almost able to concentrate on the television show....... when Sir suggested .... commanded.. ordered.. that i put my feet up (it is a lazy boy chair) ....... so my feet went up.. which shifted the weight bearing parts.. and Mr. Mat found it's way into the soft spot.. and the tender backs of my thighs.... and the burning / hurting started fresh......

Half an hour later Sir asked if i would like a break from Mr. Mat ......... "yes yes please!!!" and so i was given permission to stand up............ i couldn't do it ! Standing up brought such horrific pain........... and Mr. Mat was embedded in my ass and thighs.. standing up only brought it with me !!! Three attempts at standing.. three attempts at trying to stand and leave Mr. Mat in the chair.......... finally the humiliation of it..... i hoisted myself from the chair awkwardly.... Mr. Mat attached like some giant piece of fly paper........ Once up i was able to rip Mr. Mat off my bum.......

i wanted to fling it across the room........... but that isn't very graceful ... so i folded it in half - the best i could - and placed it on the ottoman across the room from me....... walking hurt.. sitting back down on the soft cushion of the Lazy boy hurt....... it burned .. it ached.. it hurt....... my bum was no longer neglected........

(if you click on the picture you will see a huge blown up version .. that shows each dimple.. each painful entry point)


Sir said........ 'take a break ......... you can always sit on it again after"....... AFTER??? i sat quietly...barely breathing.. not wanting to bring attention to myself .. or my neglected bum.....

Finally it was time for bed......... Mr. Mat sat folded so neatly directly across from me.. a promise of being a cure for feeling neglected..

Mr. Mat sat in that spot all weekend - i wasn't told to put it away....... i didn't once mention again my feelings of being neglected.. not one word....... for all of Sunday...........

But Sunday brought......... what i have called "free flow" BDSM ........ it's own form of torment............ but i will save that bit for another day.................

Intermittent

the computer not me..........








for the last couple of days my internet service is "intermittent".. my satellite television is intermittent...

Sir has called the company....... talked to the techs..... cause honest to god if i had talked to them........... well let's just say the language would not have been very lady like and probably nothing would have been accomplished - other than my blood pressure going up up up and away........

This morning i got fed up.. they are still claiming it is MY modem.. MY pc... (as for the television it is the rain - dontcha know!!! nothing they can do..that's life) ............... and Sir has booked a tech to come in tomorrow between 5 pm and 9 pm.. (of course i heard "a tech is coming ......5 to 9...... which i thought meant 8:55 and had a major sulk - cause come on !!!! i am usually heading to bed by 9 !!!)

Anyway........ i .. all by my lonesome.. ran some diagnostics on the pc and the connection to find out that there was no receiving end.......... soooooooo dear Ma Bell .. wanna explain that one to me?? i am fine.. you are not there...

Now that doesn't exactly surprise me.. cause though i have been a loyal Ma Bell customer for nigh on 30 years... she has been AWOL recently more than i can tolerate............ the time is VERY fast approaching when i will NOT be there for Ma Bell........ the tie that binds has worn very thin........... loyalty is as extinct as the dinosaur.. and loyalty is a two way street.. the consumer to the company and the company to the consumer.. i don't see / feel/ hear any loyalty coming my way.............

There is a new kid on the block (well not that new - but new services - like television and high speed internet service - and HOUSE PHONE !!! ) so i may be biding adieu to my loyalty and Ma Bell and moseying on down the road...... don't worry .. before i do anything drastic i will set up a new email account - on line one probably..... and post it so every one can still reach me.. well those that do want to reach me that is...............

For now i am intermittent.. spluttering............... and barely hanging on.....................

Sealing wax part 2

On August 15th i wrote this post about waxing........ my legs!!! It went so well.. and was supposed to be good for 4 weeks ...........

Well here it is mid September and the legs need doing again... ok so i am impressed !!! Almost a full four weeks!!!

This time i decided - when i was in the drugstore looking at the rows of waxing products... to try something a little easier.. something that didn't require microwaving and temperature testing and newspapers........ i had seen an ad on television (now i know why i don't usually watch television ads!!!) for wax strips......... just heat them up in your hands.. apply and remove.. Doesn't that sound so much easier??!!! So i bought a box............

And yesterday was THE day !!!




The wax is actually sandwiched between two sheets of waxy paper....... and after warming one sheet in your hand - you carefully open it and ply the sheets apart - so that you now have two .. count 'em.. TWO.. separate waxing strips..........

It took me a couple of tries to know when the sheets had been warmed enough to actually pry apart.. the first attempt left my fingers covered in gooey sticky wax. But then i was off and running... slap the sheet on my leg.. using my hand rub the sheet till the wax is warm enough .. and then rip it off........ simple eh??

And it went smashingly well....... except i did notice it didn't seem to get the wee tiny hairs like the melted original wax did... and it did seem to leave a waxy sticky residue behind unlike the melted wax kit did... so i made a mental note that perhaps the melting wax - despite requiring more work and time - might be better next time.........

Ok .. so the legs were done in no time flat....... and i had all these sheets left over......... not being one to throw out things.....i decided to try waxing my pussy. Now don't gasp!!! the box said i could use the strips for a bikini wax.. so why not ???

i warmed up a sheet.........

i applied the sheet to my pussy........

i rubbed and rubbed and rubbed..........

And then i ripped ......... wait.. no.. it wouldn't rip off.. it just kinda stuck to me......... i laid the corner back down and tried the warming again............ and tried to rip it off again....... and YIKES !! the wax was melted.. and sticky and gooey.. and not pulling one damn hair out.. in fact it wasn't even lifting off my skin..... the paper lifted very nicely .. leaving all the wax on my pussy!!!

Sticky does not describe the mess my pussy was in........... fortunately they give you after care sheets which remove leftover wax......... thankfully they worked just fine.. and after using two of them i managed to get most of the wax off my pussy..........

Now .. not to be put off...... i still had all these strips left........what else could i wax?? ahhhhhhhh my arm pits.. right.. how nice not to have to shave them for 4 weeks !!!

So i set about warming up two more sheets.. and applying one to my left arm pit........

Set about rubbing as described........ and rubbing some more to make sure.........

And then .. grab the corner with one hand.. hold the skin taut with the other.. grimace just right.. and pull ........ hard and fast!!!

The paper lifted off nicely.. leaving gooey sticky wax behind ......... just like on my pussy!!!

The language in my bathroom was not very ladylike..

But i wasn't terribly worried.. the after care sheets would remove the waxy gooey mess and i would just shave........ so off i went to get the sheets......... Only problem.. i put my arm down. Anyone see a problem with that??? Welllllllllllll my arm pit was now firmly glued shut!!

i did NOT want to try and pry it apart....... i knew it was gonna hurt..... i knew it was gonna hurt bad !!! the heat from my body was keeping the damn wax soft.. and gooey ..

i tried dabbing at the area with one of the after care clothes..... not much success.. so i had to bite the bullet so to speak and rip my arm pit open.......... by lifting my arm as fast and as hard as i could!!!

OUCH !!!

Thank god for the after care sheets....... they removed most of the waxy mess from my arm pit...... the razor managed to remove the rest............

And the leftover sheets?? well they went into the garbage........... i had no after care sheets left .. and wasn't going to try risking gluing any other body part..............

Next time.. the jug of wax.. microwave.. temperature taker.. and spatula....... no more easy waxing.......... not for this subbie !!!

SEE !!! you can teach a subbie new tricks !!!

Garden Porn

i didn't get to spend as much time in my "secret garden" this summer as i like to..... thanks to bad weather mostly.

But come September and back to school - Mother Nature decided to bless us with a late summer.......... and i have been trying to take advantage of as much secret garden time as i can - before the winter winds blow.

This past weekend i was doing a little late summer gardening........ and realized i hadn't taken more than a handful of pictures this year....... so out came the camera for some late summer shots..........

My pride and joy is my hibiscus which Sir bought me. Actually truth be told, this is my 3rd hibiscus plant - as i managed somehow to kill the other two...... but practice makes perfect and this one is thriving......... It has a total of 9 buds on it.......... one flower and one nearly open flower........... To me the hibiscus flower is a treasure - it opens for one day then dies off......... and i have 11 flowers to enjoy !!!!





Past years i have taken many photos of my hydrangea ......... which has a soft purple bloom that changes colour as the season fades......... i realized that the fall colour of the hydrangea is possibly as beautiful as the soft purple of the summer months - only i never noticed before............ especially when viewed against the back drop of the Dusty Millers.




After i had taken the picture of the hydrangea .. i turned my head and noticed that my mums are just starting to bloom............ i am thrilled that finally my garden has matured .. and that i now have colour from beginning of the season to the end of the season...........



And lastly......... i have had another summer fighting with my nemesis the squirrels... at least they no longer find their way into the condo. But oh how they love to taunt the cats when they are out on their ropes.. running past their noses and chattering like mad as they leap to safety in the bushes...........

And they have decided to leave their stolen bits of food on my patio - last week there was a moldy pizza crust sitting on my wicker love seat......... and if they aren't leaving their food out ........ they are burying it in my potted plants........ often knocking the plants out of the containers to make room for some bit of stolen fruit, or nuts.

i finally gave up fighting with them over one specific pot........... and left it for them to bury at will.......... hoping that they would leave the others alone.......... (hey i am nothing if not an optimist!!! ) They knocked it over on its side in disgust i think.. they must love the challenge of fighting with my poor geraniums !!!!

And that dear readers is my one and only Garden Porn post of the year................ (i can hear some of you breathing a huge sigh of relief !!! hey .. there is more to life than whips and chains and floggers oh my !!! ya know )

Tit torture weekend

It became very apparent - very quickly - that this past weekend was "tit torture weekend"..........

It wasn't enough that my breasts had been bound and squished till they went purple and ached...... no no.. definitely not enough.........

Saturday evening Sir suggested i bring out the cupping set.....



Now it is promoted as a "Natural Physical Treatment" and comes with these cute lil magnetic thingies that fit inside the cups and supposedly - when used correctly - realigns the magnetic field (or something or other) inside one's body. Sir tends to use the little magnetic thingies to make cute patterns over my body - circles within circles.

Now being me...... (at times stupid)... i requested that the lil magnetic thingies not be used this time... i said it would be fun (fun??!!) to have round hicky style bruises over my body. i also presumed that the cupping set would be used on my back and ass.. which is so much fun !!!

BUT Sir had other plans.. though He agreed to no lil magnetic thingies.. He did not intend to do my back and ass... no sir !!! He had His lil cold heart set on working on my tits again !!!

i laid down on my back......... and gasped when i saw Sir positioning the first cup directly over my nipple........ my nipple !!! gimme a break here...... breasts are usually a hard limit.. no fly zone....... my nipples?? well they are always a hard limit no fly zone - in my mind anyway !!!

i barely had time to catch my breath before Sir had the glass cup on my nipple and was pumping away........

Now Sir says He only gave it two pumps....... i say He had to have done so many more than two.......... it hurt so bad !!!!!!!! Then He put the second cup over the other nipple and pumped away................

There is absolutely no way i can be a graceful.. quiet subbie when my nipples are being sucked out of my body........ i yelled..

Then ..... maybe as a reward........ Sir put one over my clit........ and oh my god it felt like heaven !!!! my clit didn't feel as though it was being sucked right off my body .. nope.. it just felt yummy.......... it appears i have long since gotten over the fear of the jewelry being ripped out of my body....... as the one thought in my mind was suck more.. suck more !!! It didn't seem to be enough.........

Once the clit was encased in glass......... Sir went back to the tits and added two cups on each side of my nipples........... oh my god .. it felt as though the tissue was being sucked out of my body........ there was no easy / good way to deal with it..... though i do remember looking at the ceiling and feeling all floaty and comfy...... despite the pain............

it hurt like blazes when Sir finally released the cups on my breasts...... but i only remember feeling disappointed when He took the one off my clit........

There is only one picture that i am willing to share........ one of my nipple in the glass cup..... the one of my clit......... well i found it very embarrassing...... the glass was steamed up so much you can't see anything.........

In the beginning..........

i have been so behind in reading my favourite blogs........ i had forgotten how much time work actually takes up..... especially in September......... BUT this morning - for some stupid reason - i was up before the birds....... and so i went to read some of the blogs i have missed over the last week or so............. and swan from the Heron Clan had posted a link to a study done on folks who practice BDSM......






It was an article written in Australia.. on a study done on practicing BDSMers...... the title of the article is catchy "Bondage Lovers Not Sexually Abnormal". And if you are interested in reading the article in its entirety click here.


Now truthfully i was not surprised by what the article had to say....... i know i am not sexually abnormal........ and i know i am not sexually deficient in any way !!! i think what intrigued me the most was learning what vanilla folks actually think about "us"......After all they don't actually come out and say anything to our faces ya know !!! They tend to make snide comments.

This study - hopefully - is a beginning of more studies that will continue to show that we are not a threat to the communities we live in.. we are not a threat to children.. or innocent vanilla folk.. that we have not sprouted horns and tails that we keep well hidden........... That indeed we are just like everyone else.. with a lifestyle that differs slightly..........

BUT then .. human nature doesn't tend to trust something that it is a bit out of the norm does it?? All the studies in the world.. all the reassurances .. all the education in the world won't stop people prejudging. After all we still tend to treat folks that look different or act different as though they might be contagious.. or dangerous.. or lacking in education or some fundamental social skills and we tend to give them wide berth.

But it IS a beginning..... and hopefully with time........ our lifestyle won't be seen as something needing "legal legislation" .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and just because it has been so long... i have posted some pics to the Photojournal....... click the link on the right..........

Monday Morning Report.....

Only it's Tuesday......... the problem with four day weekends - especially busy ones - is i tend to lose track of days..........








and today when i look back on the weekend it is one massive huge kaleidoscope of activity and emotions ......... turn the tube and an entirely different picture appears..



and so i don't know where the beginning is............ or even where it ends...........

remember Friday's post about the "FLASH"....... the problem with having these split second fantasy thingies is that they tend to haunt my memory....... tease my senses ..... and.. as with most fantasies.. they are best left fantasies...

Friday Sir bought Himself a new computer - a lap top actually - and i semi joked with Cloud that the weekend was shot to hell ................ as much as Sir reassured me that He had no intentions of spending the weekend playing with His new toy........ i knew human nature would lead to some hours spent unpacking .. and playing.............

Saturday afternoon i was wishing i had an on/off switch - a 17inch monitor .. and some bells and whistles........... and "FLASH" kept playing over and over in my mind's eye... and i was feeling so not used and abused .. so not done .. spent or sated...........

Mid afternoon Sir took me downstairs .. no actually He ordered me downstairs.. and hung me from the chains......... i did not go willingly or gracefully.. i was rebellious and stubborn.. and it took a lot of work on Sir's part to get me into the mind set... (notice i didn't say right mind set.. any mind set except the one i was in would have been nice)

There was one point.. one point that stands out in my mind.. Sir had one arm around my waist.. holding me tight and with the other hand He was using the teflon paddle over and over and over again on my ass.. i had managed to twist my body (and Sir's with it) around and around till my wrists were bound to each other in the chains so tightly they felt like they were going to fall off . When i couldn't twist anymore.. then Sir really went to work on my ass.. with that wicked unmerciful paddle... i remember the total and complete feeling of helplessness.. of pure pain torturing me........ of thinking there was no where to go and nothing to be done except accept.... accept this was where Sir wanted me.. and this was the state He wanted me in.............

Saturday night Sir fucked me .. on the chair. ... in front of the television....... and i remember thinking that somehow it was harder to watch Him .. to see myself reflected in His eyes.. to feel the need inside of me reflected in His eyes........ and to know this was where Sir wanted me.. and the state He wanted me in......... and then He cropped my inner thighs till the tears filled my eyes.. and the pain was torturing me again.. and i knew this was where Sir wanted me and the state He wanted me in........

Sunday was a work day for Sir.. and a bridal shower day for me..... in other words vanilla...... Sunday night when i got home.. exhausted emotionally and morally and every other way........ Sir took me out to dinner... and told me stories of pin wheels and nipples.. and the torture He was going to inflict when we got home.......... and He did.. and i knew this was where Sir wanted me .. and the state He wanted me in............

Monday was a quiet morning with a photo shoot session for bridal pictures in the afternoon...... but once the photos were done and we were alone once more.. then the crop came out.. and the bruises on my ass from Saturday were worked on again....... and the bruising on my inner thighs was worked on.. and my pussy was worked on .. while i wiggled and moaned and yelped.. but i knew this was where Sir wanted me.. and the state He wanted me in..............

And just before dinner on Monday Sir had me come to Him and stand .. legs apart .. while His hand slid up under my dress... and His fingers slid in and out of me.. and twitched and played with my clit and my jewelry and teased me unmercifully and didn't let me cum......... and left me wanting more.. and more .. and i knew for sure then that this was where Sir wanted me.. and this was the state He wanted me in..............

And the "flash" faded ... and i knew that my life is not a fantasy to be played out........and the tube twists again............... and another image appears....... and morphs again .. and again.........



Until...... the one constant is Sir.. holding me close .. marking me.. and fucking me.. and i am spent and sated and done.............. to perfection