Thursday, September 01, 2005

on continuing education....

Sir and i are scheduled to attend two workshops by Midori this Saturday. i wanted to go to the evening workshop On Humiliation and Sir wanted to go to the afternoon one on Bondage.....sooooooo we are going to both AND a play party that will follow the evening workshop.

Earlier this week one of the organisers approached Sir and i via email asking if Sir would give permission for Midori to use me as a "volunteer" for the Humiliation workshop. Part of me desperately hoped Sir would agree.. the other part of me wanted to run screaming ...find a big hole.. climb in and pull the top down over me. Sir gave His permission. i have been flip flopping between being excited and terrified. i have NO idea what humiliation play is really...... which is why i wanted to take the ding dang workshop in the first place.

i have decided that this is not a 'fait accompli' just yet. Perhaps there are other volunteers .. more than enough volunteers... and Midori will decide She doesn't need all of us and i will be allowed to escape to the quiet subbie corner. BUT then will i be disappointed that i didn't get to experience humiliation??

i wonder IF i am one of the chosen few.... will i be able to handle humiliation?? i have nightmares of my strong side coming out and lambasting Midori .... or my weak side coming out and landing up in a puddle of tears.

Just like a kid getting ready to enter school for the first time i am excitedly nervous. But then maybe i will just get to sit in the good subbie corner and diligently take notes.......

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