Sunday, September 11, 2005

self flageliation

Yesterday Cloud made a tongue in cheek comment while we were all standing outside a Bible book store about doing some flageliation. We all laughed at the thought.... and moved on. But those words stayed imbedded in my lil subbie brain. This morning i have been trying to sort out some 'bad' feelings i am dealing with... and i realized.. EUREKA!! i am doing self flageliation - making myself hurt.

Oh i am not using floggers or whips .. i am using thoughts......... and boy oh boy! they hurt much more than any flogger or whip could. IF my Sir didn't have time for me.. didn't spoil me.. didn't take such good care of me.. i might have a good reason for this "self flagelation" - problem is He takes excellent care of me. So why oh why am i falling into this trap - hurting myself.. and in the long run hurting my Sir ???

If there are problems with me.. i am the one responsible for them... me and only me... if there are solutions to the problems i must find them and make them work.... i have no one to blame for these feelings only me....... i can't turn back the clock.. i can't be 20 again...... but i can be the best damn 50 something i can be........... it is time to put the self flagelation away .. time to make some changes.... time to get off my ass and make myself the person i want to be...... no one to blame but myself.........


  1. A revalation hmmm self flagelation and you like being on the cross hmmm a new messiah or a lost sheep that has found her way? journeys are full of surprises

  2. Cloud.. You always seem to find just the right words... "journeys are full of surprises".. thank You again for Your pearls of wisdom..

  3. Anonymous6:39 pm

    *hugs* big tight ones...I loved your last entry too...well worded...descriptive and so "pretty" to read...I hope you understand that I mean that in a very good way :)

    take best to you and your Master :)

  4. Dear littleone,

    i just wanted to share that i have been really enjoying your blog for some time now. your blog is what connected me to Cloud and for that i am very grateful.

    All my best to you and your Master!



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