twitching

It is funny sometimes how things work out......... this morning i put down some thoughts for this blog....... and then went off to work. Tonite when i got home i realized that i am squirrelly..... twitching... a bit like a cat on a hot tin roof... and the notes i made this morning have no meaning for me now.......

i know what the problem is....mostly....... i want / need / am craving major pain........ and our weekend is pretty much planned out..... company for dessert on Friday .. Sir is working on Saturday and may not come back on Sunday....... somehow it seems like there will be no time for playing...........

But i know that isn't really true...yet the element of surprise is not there.. cause there is so much planned.. (am i making any sense?? ) i am twitching remembering how there used to be this major element of surprise surrounding my time with Sir.. i never really knew what to expect.. and somehow now i know ......... and i don't want to know..

i want to go back to the feelings i used to have when the very thought of Sir coming here would leave me weak kneed and dripping wet....... butterflies the size of elephants would be marching around in my stomach from Thursday through His arrival on Friday....... my skin would feel like it had electric currents running over it....... i would stammer and stutter and feel my skin hot to the touch when He arrived..........

Actually i AM like that tonite..... twitching and weak kneed and dripping wet.. until i think of what this weekend holds..... and the weekends to follow....... and it all skids to a sudden stop...........

Sometimes it feels like life is spinning crazily out of control........... and i am twitching over here on the side wishing it would just slow down a little bit.. just a little bit.