Endings

The picture above caught my eye because it said "endings......... waiting" (well that's what I saw/read when I first glanced at it) and I thought that pretty much describes my life right now.... I am waiting for the endings............ 

But then I read the faint writing and realized it actually said " Endings are just beginnings waiting to happen"........... and it seemed a whole lot less scary and final.......... which I really needed to change my state of mind........... 

You see.......... my lil PreK out on the Island is going to close this June - after 20 years of being there.......... being a rock for the community ........ being my pride and joy... being the thorn in my side ... and of course being my impetus to learn/master accounting/math.

I have tried everything even resorting to begging........... but there is no small corner to rent anywhere.............. AND......... as I really only wanted to keep it open for one more year... 2 at the very most .......... it is time to let go .. to close it down....... to say goodbye.

Then after many years of talking about it........ W's house is going on the market this week.  He is selling and moving away...... 3 hours away ...... he is worried too about this ending.......... He has always lived (60 years of living) in the same town .......... and he is pulling up roots and moving away.  It really is a daunting proposition for everyone who does it - but more so for him ... after so long............ 

Then I am left working out my last 20 months or so alone.......... marking time till I will put my house on the market and follow him........... leaving my home town of 60+ years - my family - my job - my security and all that I know.  

The hardest thing for me is leaving the security of my job.........knowing every two weeks a pay cheque would arrive - and I would be set for the next two weeks.  I have crunched numbers till my brain hurts...... I have seen a financial adviser ........ I have stressed and cried and pulled my hair out - but the facts are the facts......retirement is going to be tight.............. 

On the plus side - cause ya know - if you look hard enough you will always find some pluses........... 
W and I will be together 24/7.......... in a lovely lil house that we will buy together...... 
We are already finding and setting down roots in the BDSM community in our new city.
I won't have to be crawling out of bed every morning before the sun rises 
I will be able to finally start taking my photography classes
I will be able to clean my house during the daylight hours and do laundry and baking and cooking like civilized folk....... and care for my W the way I have always wanted to...
AND (cheeky grin) I won't have to buy clothes cause W says I will finally be naked all the time ...... (of course the heating bill for the house will be bloody high - I don't "do" cold........ )

And so we are starting the "Ending" and preparing for a brand new "beginning"......