Friendship

I have been thinking about "friends" recently.  And I realized all the "friends" I have had have come from the places I work - or the schools I attended - or (back in the day) the churches I attended.  And when it came time for me to move on - or for them to move on - we lost touch.  So they aren't friends anymore are they???

That's an honest question ......... honest true !!  I honestly don't know the answer.  

Ya see I think I need remedial work on "friends".  I think I am a bad friend.  I don't keep in touch and I make very little effort to make new friends. 


And funny enough it doesn't bother me one little bit.......... that I don't have friends.... BFF .. or close acquaintances - or any sort of friend really.  If people pass through my life I am delighted.  I laugh with them and visit with them - have them over for meals and parties............ But once they (or I ) move along I rarely think of them again.


BUT when I look around me people who surround me have friends and seem to understand how this whole "friendship" thing works.  I don't.  So I have been watching - paying close attention - almost taking notes.... cause I think it is supposed to be important......... this having friends.  


I was thinking about when I retire - when I move out of province.  I have said and will continue to say - "we'll keep in touch"........... "you'll come out and visit with me and W" but deep down inside I know once I move - the friends will disappear.


I think a part of me envies those that have close friends - but there is a larger part of me that can't figure out how they find the time to have all these friends.  When do they find quiet time for themselves??? 


And there is my problem - I believe.  The agoraphobic in me ... the hermit in me........ likes my alone time.  I am ok with one friend - like W - living with me - being in my life....... but parties and crowds of people - they exhaust me.  The logistics of phoning people and making dates and actually going out and doing things together???? It boggles my mind..... my orderly mind - where do I fit it all in???


But I will continue to work on this failing of mine....... friends - finding them and keeping them - cause when I move - I will have to start all over again...... because the folks around the edges of my life now will disappear -just like all the other folks that were sprinkled into and around my life have done in the past.


Friends are what normal people have - right?? Friends are who normal people socialize with and play with and laugh with - right???   I would like to be normal I think - at least for the last part of my life.