Thursday, June 10, 2010

Jonesing

I am gonna show my ignorance here.. not sure if anyone else uses the term "jonesing" it wasn't something I heard / used before I met S&S. However it has come to be my usual state of being by Wednesday.

Jonesing is dancing around fidgeting wanting craving needing ......... can't bloody wait !!!

This jonesing attitude is multiplying 10 fold this week........ because I have discovered I don't just do this jonesing thing for BDSM..........

Have you noticed a little clock ticking away in the right column......... 19 days it says today........ that is 19 more days till summer vacation. (and 40 days till I head off to visit the Heron Clan!!)

And I am tired........ more than tired.. exhausted.

It has not been an easy year for me...
You know the stresses doctors list off as being extremely bad for you?? moving, death, divorce.

Kill ya kind of stress.

This year I have changed jobs, moved, got deathly sick and had a 10 year relationship end. I am like the bloody energizer bunny - I just keep on going.

BUT I am beginning to feel the effects. I want to curl up in a little ball, pull the blankets over my head and just sort of let the world carry on without me for a little while. I want someone to snuggle me and hold me.. and let me cry and promise me it will get all better. Even though I KNOW it will get all better.. and summer will come and between now and then my dance card is still full.....

It's just right now......... right this very minute... I am tired.. and feeling sorry for myself.

Ok - so maybe this post isn't so much about jonesing as it is a pity party...... and hey I haven't had one of those in a LONG time.... so I am allowed !

2 comments:

Neo Dom Tom said...

1. Big group hug.

2. Friendly Advice. Go to the gym.

By your tone, I figured they better go in that order.

Raheretic said...

You've scored more than enough points on the life event stress scale this year to be in crisis, and as one who has done so as well, I do understand. I am likely going to end a 35 year career this very evening, have lost my Dad, had two major surgeries with significant complications, and lost 142 pounds in the last year, and I am here to tell you you are so, so, so, not being a baby. I have done all mine with the support and love of swan and t. You have so courageously struck out on your own, found new supportive friends and allies, and done so well.


I suspect your BDSM play that you are "jonesing" about is in fact also creating stress in your life and while all stress is stress, there is "good stress" and "bad stress." Stress can heal and it can debilitate. I suspect your BDSM stress, at this point in your life, is of the healing sort.

Your year will end and we are all looking forward to nurturing each other and fun when we get you here.

All the best,

Tom

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.