Friday, January 11, 2019
I have to say right here at the beginning that I KNOW these feelings are mostly the withdrawals -- mostly the chemical imbalance in my brain and body right now....
I feel so guilty -- I feel like I am not holding up my end of this relationship --
I barely got the laundry done this week -- I have struggled with making meals (thank god Sir Steve ordered in pizza one night!) -- I haven't swept or dusted or vacuumed (though I did get the bathroom cleaned) I have only managed to get to the gym 2 days -- and my food cravings!!! it's like being pregnant -- or pmsing.... I want salt and chocolate -- and trust me neither of those things are on my healthy eating program
Climb on my merry go round ---
'if I went to the gym I would lose weight and my body would be more desirable -- If I didn't eat the junk then maybe I could miss a day or two at the gym -- If I don't go to the gym I should at least be cleaning cause it burns calories instead of sitting on the sofa'
'I have to be kind to myself -- I am going through hell with these withdrawals -- Sir Steve is always telling me he's proud of me for pushing through this -- Sir Steve has no expectations of me - other than doing what I can' BUT I should push through this -- why can't I push this??? what am I good for if I can't even clean a house or make a meal???
I think the emotional side effects are worse than the physical.........