Friday, January 11, 2019

Guilt






I have to say right here at the beginning that I KNOW these feelings are mostly the withdrawals -- mostly the chemical imbalance in my brain and  body right now....

I feel so guilty -- I feel like I am not holding up my end of this relationship -- 
I barely got the laundry done this week -- I have struggled with making meals (thank god Sir Steve ordered in pizza one night!) -- I haven't swept or dusted or vacuumed (though I did get the bathroom cleaned)  I have only managed to get to the gym 2 days -- and my food cravings!!!  it's like being pregnant -- or pmsing.... I want salt and chocolate -- and trust me neither of those things are on my healthy eating program

Climb on my merry go round --- 

'if I went to the gym I would lose weight and my body would be more desirable -- If I didn't eat the junk then maybe I could miss a day or two at the gym -- If I don't go to the gym I should at least be cleaning cause it burns calories instead of sitting on the sofa'   

then it's 

'I have to be kind to myself -- I am going through hell with these withdrawals -- Sir Steve is always telling me he's proud of me for pushing through this -- Sir Steve has no expectations of me - other than doing what I can'   BUT I should push through this -- why can't I push this??? what am I good for if I can't even clean a house or make a meal???   

I think the emotional side effects are worse than the physical.........

 

2 comments:

Windy said...

MorningStar,

Screw guilt! I am so tired of that word hanging over my head in my own brain..... The way I see it is that we all go through periods (sometimes long periods) of what we call Survival Mode in our home. You're doing what you absolutely have to do to get through the day and this withdrawal crap.... and then you wake up tomorrow and hope it's better. Be kind to yourself, girl. Hugs, Windy

Boosghost2 said...

Yeah! What Windy said! Go easy on yourself. A small bowl of chips or some small piece of chocolate is ok. So is having a bad week. It is ok.
Boo

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