Friday, December 06, 2013

Call me "old-fashioned"

There has been an ongoing discussion over on Fetlife for ever and ever about cock pictures... and I am not talking roosters.  I have received my share of them over the years and have usually fired back some ball shrinking nasty comment (cause I am like that)  What I have noticed is that it appears to be only the women who get upset by these pictures -weird eh?

But along with cock pictures being privately sent out (some not so private I agree) there are multitudes of pictures of women's breasts and female pink bits.  Hell I have posted one or two pics of my ass with marks (though not on Fet - mostly here)  

Anyway yesterday I stumbled across a picture cause so many of my "friends" were liking it............... it was a picture of a female with only a thong on - legs spread wide - leaving nothing - and I do mean NOTHING - to the imagination.  There were many comments from males (and a couple of females) suggesting what they would like to do in that region of her body.  

The sex is not just online either.  At public play parties I have seen (with my very own eyes) two males engaging in anal sex literally in the middle of the room.... I have seen more blow jobs than I care to remember ... I watched as a woman was finger fucking/teasing another woman over her lap - when the "doer" got called away she simply flipped the woman off her knee and onto someone else's to be "finished up"
In my opinion - and I will repeat that in case anyone missed it - IN MY OPINION - public play parties now are just one big sexual orgy,

Ok now put that thought aside for a moment - and let's look at another issue that has raised it's ugly head............

There has been an increase (on my feed anyway) of journal entries that discuss abuse and inappropriate behaviour during play sessions.  Many people are getting all bent out of shape about it.. there have been accusations against "leaders of communities" and just your average joe blow.   There have been an increasing number of cries to arms - to do something to protect the poor lil subbies who are being taken advantage of......... 

Now at the risk of sounding like I am "blaming the victim"  I need to play devil's advocate for just one minute here...................... 

Imagine being new to BDSM - joining Fetlife reading and looking at pictures - trying to figure out what this thing - this BDSM - is all about - imagine what this newbie is seeing and learning...................

Now this newbie goes to his/her first public play party.  They stand and watch the goings on............. they see nudity and people groping each other and "getting it on" (is that expression still used??!!)  What definition of BDSM - what conclusions are they going to come to???

I have heard "educators" and "demonstrators" say - "if it isn't sensual or sexual no one's gonna want to watch".

And so it isn't just the newbies who are getting mixed messages (again IN MY OPINION) everyone is.  If it isn't about sex - about blow jobs and anal hooks and fucking then it isn't any fun at all.

I disagree. (obviously)

The very first elaborate rope scene I watched - involved a woman in bra and panties being woven into a huge "spider web".  There was no sexual touching - no sensual behaviours - hinted at - or blatantly exhibited.  Yet that scene held my attention - mesmerized me.  It showed me what / how rope could be a thing of beauty.

 I am afraid I don't have a whole mess of sympathy for the Doms and subs alike who write long rants about how they have been taken advantage of / had their scenes ruined by some groper.  SHRUG........... if you are gonna sell BDSM as a sexual encounter you have to expect this sort of behaviour.

I am old fashioned - and I do know where to draw the line which probably makes me no fun in many people's eyes.  But I don't much care - I don't see BDSM as a popularity contest - OR a sex orgy - not then - not now - not EVER.


  1. Ordalie12:21 am

    "cock pictures... and I am not talking roosters."
    And a roar of laughter to start the day!

  2. alyson12:26 pm

    I think there are places for BDSM and places for orgies or public sex. At some events those may mix, but I think that needs to be communicated as part of the party/event's invitation or publicity. I would not go to an event expecting to see or participate in sex unless it was explicitly mentioned (or spelled out in event rules as being welcome). Most of the BDSM clubs/parties my friends and I have gone to don't allow sex. A very few do. I know one friend's local dungeon doesn't normally allow sex at parties, however, has one big party a year where sex is allowed and encouraged. That party does have stricter rules when it comes to who is allowed to attend and what sorts of sex/kinks are allowed in what areas.

    All that said, I think having sex at a party is not an invitation for other people to join in and any way without asking (or being told they're allowed) first. It's one thing if you're in an area that's designated as "anyone can participate", but otherwise there's no way to assume consent. Quite honestly, it's a safety issue (past just assault). It wouldn't be safe for someone to jump in and start beating a bottom or sub in the middle of a scene without being invited/given permission after asking. It wouldn't be safe. The same should extend to sex/any sort of touch. I'm an exhibitionist (including during sex), although, I'll only ever do so in environments where I know it's specifically allowed. I also happen to have a medical condition which causes my joints to be unstable (this includes between my vertebrae), among other things (I also have some areas where any touch is incredibly painful). My Dom and the few other people who I might have sex with at a party or event might happen know where it's safe to touch and what positions won't cause problems. Someone who comes by randomly and just touches without asking the person I'm with or me might pick a safe spot or they could accidentally dislocate one of my joints or make me scream in pain. I expect (and want) people to watch if I'm doing something sexual with non-involved people around. I don't think there is any reason I should assume they would also touch without permission (getting permission from my Dom is acceptable for me, but that would vary for different subs, of course).

    I always think it's better to ask than to assume. I'm even in favor of asking before kissing someone the first time. I don't think it's one persons responsibility more than the other (definitely not into man being responsible for paying, flowers, etc. in heterosexual couples), just the first person to try to kiss should ask before doing so. My Dom certainly didn't just assume that he had rights over me, he asked, we figured out what worked for us. I'm also a rape survivor (long before I ever was involved in BDSM), but my emphasis in consent came before that.


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