Saturday, December 14, 2013

Life is an Adventure

We went to Toronto yesterday to try and find some paperwork on W's sister - her birth certificate - some legal documents proving W is her brother - you see without them W can't claim his sister's body for burial.  This situation has been complicated by the fact the boyfriend died in the apartment,

The first part of our adventure started on the east side of Toronto where W met up with one of his sister's friends to pick up her purse, keys and wallet.  Then we drove downtown for a nice lunch at our favourite restaurant.  It was a bright sunny day and it all felt - ummmmmmm - fun - an adventure.
 Then we made our way to Northbound leather where W was able to purchase a beautiful pair of soft leather pants!!!  Something he has wanted for eons!!! AND he got them on sale - 50% off 

Then we headed off to his sister's apartment. (it is important to note that by now the sun was setting and it was getting dark and eery)   We had the keys - we knew the apartment number - so we just got on the elevator and went up to the apartment and let ourselves in.

Now we knew the boyfriend had committed suicide in the apartment - and we were forewarned it might not be a pretty sight............... and it wasn't.  I did a quick survey of the apartment.  I have never EVER seen such dirt - and poverty.  Every single room had paint peeling - off the walls - off the ceilings - paint bubbled and peeling......... awful - words just don't describe how wretched it looked and how it made me feel.   BUT I think what got to me the most was the smell.... sickly sweet.  and the stains - on the sofa - on the floor.... I shuddered but we had a job to do - find sister's papers.

We scoured the apartment from top to bottom - which wasn't too difficult - it was a pretty small apartment.  Everywhere we looked we found stuff for the boyfriend - but little if anything of importance for sister.  

I picked through papers - opened drawers and brief cases and rifled through papers - trying to find something .. anything........ but really found nothing.  NOTHING... do you understand we found nothing!  no birth certificate - no income tax returns - no bills - nothing!!  The more I looked and read - the more certain I became this was NOT sister's apartment but the boyfriend's ......... and the more that thought took hold - the more unnerved I became.  Some how it seemed ok to "break in" to her apartment - but it was something completely different when it was someone else's apartment.  She lived there - we know that - but only her body lived there - she didn't set down any roots there... didn't make it hers........ weird feeling that.

I finally turned on the computer - hoping against hope to find bank records on line... something................... but it appeared their internet service had been cut off....... there was nothing - except a couple of what I think were books he was writing.........

Reading snippets of them - I could hear his thoughts - right there on the screen in front of me... I started to (what do 
the kids say ?? ) freak out.  and yet I couldn't turn it off...

Finally I closed down the computer - W said it was time to leave...... I think I held my breath till we were out of there and safely back at our car.  W said "next stop............." as he punched in our address to the GPS and I filled up with tears.  I just wanted to come home.... safe to our lil home. I am not cut out for a life of "breaking and entering".  OR for seeing the sadness - loneliness of someone else's life.  It broke my heart. 


  1. Although I love the fact you came with Me, I am very, very sad you did come especially after reading this blog...

    you didn't/don't deserve the way life around here is going and I really need to do something to make sure it changes!!

    Butt " I " have to get My act together :-((...


  2. Anonymous12:14 pm

    I just read your Master's comments I wanted to cry, he is fantastic. We should all be so luck.

    Now to my humble thoughts. It is difficult to know what to say when you and W are going through so much. Your continued sharing allows us, on line, to do one of the most important things that humans can do for each other-listen.

    Although I have been a lurker for six months, every morning I happily rise to read about your experiences as you move forward in life and in the Lifestyle. You are in my prayers.

    I hope it is not to insensitive of me to ask if you and W have followed up on the comment of another reader by consulting an attorney to provide legal guidance, his ability to obtain needed documents, and help with the arrangements.

    In your blog you have shared that your beautiful children and grandchildren do not live near you. I hope that your vanilla and BDSM community are aware of your situation and are there to perform the many small acts of kindness that can help you cope.

    Morningstar, if you have not, please seek the support of other submissives. I know that if your master is hurting, you are hurting. Feed your spirit, I know that your love and service are very important to him.

  3. I don't have any suggestions or anything. just.. *huggggggggggggsss*... stay home for a bit. heal. you both need that, i think.



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