For many years I was an only child. and I didn't exactly collect friends. What I did learn was how to amuse myself. How to play endless games of solitaire. And read piles and piles of books. And take pictures with my little Kodak brownie. And to go for long long bike rides by myself. And I learned to fantasize - to create this whole imaginary world where life was so much more interesting than real life.
Which probably explains why - as an adult - I have never had trouble living on my own - being by myself. There was always solitaire and books and long drives down some highway (the bike long since put out to pasture)
Yesterday Hil left a comment on my baking blog saying "BDSM and baking........" I had to go read the entry again. I had written about BDSM???? no I hadn't. I haven't written about BDSM in so long - some days I think I should take down the age appropriate label on the header.
But this morning - running Hil's comment over again in my mind - I thought what I have with W IS BDSM - well D/s. I serve him. pointe finale. BDSM doesn't have to be about beatings and face fucking and ropes or pain/sex in any form.
I am getting pretty damn good at serving W - without any orders or tasks or chore lists. I am pretty damn good at solitary activities. and I guess most service subbie activities are pretty solitary.
The hardest part is staying grounded/centered - and sometimes (ok ok more times than I like) I can get 'lippy' and just a tad disrespectful - but the serving is always done. The rest can become a work in progress..............
For now - I am just proud of the service subbie I have become...........
For me BDSM is more in the silent stuff, the just DO, because you know that it is what HE wants/expects. It is in the loud noisy spanky stuff too, But in many ways that is the easy bit, it's hard to skimp on that bit like you could on the quiet stuff and probably no one would notice but you. Now not doing that is real submission.
ReplyDeleteI realised that is a bit jumbled but it's late and I can't unjumble it for the life of me!! I hope you get the point.
I got it Hil :) Thank you :)
ReplyDelete