We're home - again. We managed to make it to Montreal on Christmas Eve - and I managed to get the Christmas Eve feast on the table at eldest daughter's house in time for youngest daughter and her menagerie to arrive at 4:00.
The kids were cute - especially the youngest who opened each gift with a LOUD exclamation of "IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!!"
After the gifts were opened and visiting was done - the young ones headed off home to wait for Santa Claus - and we old ones tidied up and I curled into bed exhausted.
Christmas day we headed off (late afternoon) to the youngest daughter's for our Christmas day feast............. feast of noise - feast of people - feast of food.
And it all felt out of sync and awkward - and I wondered what I was doing there........ and why I had thought this would work.
Yesterday we woke early - packed up the car and headed off to deliver some gifts to friends of W - then grab lunch at one of our favourite lil restaurants and then home..........
The road was dark and dreary................ which pretty much matched my mood............
We started to see patches of sunlight the closer we got to Kingston........ and I thought the gods were glad to see us home................
(these pictures were taken with my cell phone through the car windows)
And finally we were home - safe and sound.
Today I sit and look at all the decorations around the house - think of all the hours I spent trying to create a little Christmas spirit here - and realize that 1) it didn't work and 2) it's time to put it all way - it's just sad now - not the least bit joyful or happy.
I have been seriously thinking this will be the last Christmas - very last christmas - spent trying to recreate memories that will never happen again.
It's not a bad thing - to leave the glitter and excitement of Christmas and find a quiet peaceful life ............... just (shrug) it does feel like an era has ended - and I will miss it.
perhaps you need to focus on creating a different kind of Christmas instead? you said it yourself that your Christmas where you used to live was very child focussed, between your work and your grandchildren. So, for home, maybe next year (and I think you will have to start thinking about this early, perhaps earlier than you would have otherwise) think about an adult version of christmas. So adult decorations, and i don't mean kinky, necessarily, but decorations of the kind that would not be appropriate or unappreciated by children. For example: ones with real candles in, or dried flower/live greenery arrangements done by yourself. change the traditions too. So for example, if you are doing xmas day with you and W alone (no grandchildren) then take advantage to have a little lie in and do xmas dinner a bit later, perhaps. Start the day with alcohol! Bucks fizz maybe. I have a recipe for xmas morning muffins which are lovely and which form part of our tradition now. When dad died in the january a few years ago, and then both my grandmothers in the nov/dec before the following christmas that same year (it was a bad year) we had xmas at mom's as we used to do and like you... it just didn't work. so the following year we changed it. Mom now comes to us - I do the cooking (I'm better at it, as she would be the first to agree), and we've kept some traditions, binned others, and made new ones, like the xmas morning muffins. No one ever said that there is only one way to celebrate xmas after all... and perhaps, in retrospect, its not so surprising that xmas needs to change for you. the rest of your life has changed after all, so xmas needs to as well.
ReplyDeleteIt'll probably take a few years to settled down into a format that reflects the new you and your new life, but you will get there.
Like i said, try to see the positive aspects in not having the children around so much, what you couldn't do before and take advantage of that.. that would seem to me to be a good way to start. And maybe think about how you can conduct actual sessions with your grandchildren in a way that is better and more useful to you both...
*huggggggggssss*...
keth
xx
All I can say and will say is I am so sorry that your Christmas season wasn't the one you dreamed of and hoped for...
ReplyDeleteW
Dear Mongninstar,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you feel despondent. Things are not what they used to be, well, don't try to recreate memories, try to find another way to celebrate Christmas, without referring to times past.