eeny meeny miny mo

As much as I have movers coming to pack and load and move "my stuff" there is still a fair amount of sorting I have to do.

W has been sweet enough to agree to my choice of  decorating style - oriental of course.  Which means that all the antiques that have filled my house for like - forever - are not coming with me.  Most of them are being divided between my two daughters...... the family heritage will live on in their homes PLUS I still get visiting rights (cheeky grin)

Nevertheless - it isn't an easy job - picking what goes where - and what can come with me.  AND remember W and I are melding two homes into one - so it is very necessary to pick and choose what goes in the moving truck.

Saturday eldest daughter came and together we loaded up my car with some of the things she is taking.  Each item we lovingly packed came with a story.... like the hand blown cranberry glass bell - that was a wedding gift to my grandparents - that survived World War II packed in a barrel of flour.  The wooden framed mirror that came from Aunt Olive's house -it had originally been a window in an old Victorian house   These stories are important!!  Family history has to be passed down - otherwise it will get lost.

Over the past few months - while the house was on the market - I would walk through and lovingly touch a piece of furniture here - a picture there and I realized there were some things that I am NOT ready to pass on to the next generation.

There is the sculpture of my parent's last home.  The home my father had built just for my mother - and the sculpture came when he knew he wouldn't be around forever - yet he wanted HER house to live on with her forever.  So it is coming with me - I can't part with it - it is (for some reason) a HUGE link to my Mom and Dad.  

There is the little cabinet with drawers that came from Aunt Olive's house - that has sat at the top of my stairs.  The drawers almost empty - serving no real purpose except to bring a bit of Olive into my life every day.  

Then there are my clothes.  I have 2 cupboards filled with clothing.......... count 'em TWO!!  One of my cupboards is bigger than all 3 cupboards in Kingston!!!  I have pared down the piles of clothing twice already - sending bags to Good Will.  I realized this week - when I opened the cupboard to get dressed for work - that I still have WAY too much clothing!!  Time to fill more bags................ eeny meeny mino mo......... what stays what goes???

And YES W - before you jump in and remind me that You have said "bring everything" I know that - but I also know that I won't be able to stand feeling crowded just for the sake of one more table - or one more pair of pants.  So I am down to the scientific division of property - "eeny meeny miny mo"   

Sunday Sentiments

Slowly disappearing

It is extremely weird - this feeling I have.

I have spent the better part of this week wiping out my "identity".  I have cancelled my electricity -- i have cancelled my phone - i have cancelled my hot water -- i have cancelled my home security - i have cancelled cable - Slowly my life is disappearing.

I have been rooting through drawers and files and destroying everything that I no longer need.  
 
In four weeks - technically - I will be homeless.  

And though the brain knows I am moving to W's and will have my identity linked to his...my heart still feels as though I am slowly disappearing..............  

It is a very weird feeling 

My W.

 I saw this meme over on Hermione's blog yesterday and thought I would use it to tell you more about my  Sir


1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
god really??? Let's see - one of the Pickers shows or Pawn star shows or How do they Make that shows.......

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
He eats salad??!!  probably poppy seed - or peppercorn

3. The most striking thing about his physical appearance?
his bald head - I LOVE bald heads!! 

4. You go out to eat and have a drink; what does he order to drink?
easy!!  diet coke

 5. Where did he go to high school?
St. Lambert (I think)

6. What size shoe does he wear?
Size 8. (I think)

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
everything - is that allowed?? no - ok - then - lapel pins

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
club sandwich

9. What would he eat every day if he could?
umm hamburgers and fries I think - or maybe roast beef - definitely potatoes

10. What is his favorite cereal?
he doesn't have one - but if he did - i would say anything filled with sugar

11. What would he never wear?
 a dress - oh wait he wears a kilt - so I don't know.

12. What is his favorite sports team?
sports - what's that?

13.Who did he vote for?
He's allergic to elections

14. Who is his best friend?
Charlie will always be his best friend (may he rest in peace)

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
smoke

16. What is his heritage?
he's Canadian - but family comes from the States and England - village of Thwing

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind?
Orange or lemon - or Strawberry Shortcake

18. Did he play sports in high school?
not if he could help it

19. What could he spend hours doing?
shopping
 
20. What is one unique talent he has?
lordie - unique???  I would have to say his ability (and drive)  to find sales for anything and everything

Special or spoiled

I left one detail out of the weekend's report - because I felt it needed a blog entry of it's own.  (Unfortunately I kinda hurt W's feelings cause he thought I forgot to mention it)  

On Saturday W gave me a small velvet bag. I knew that he had been to a burlesque show and (being the lucky SOB he is) he won a door prize.  A pretty dark chain with red 
stones - it's either a bracelet or an anklet - I didn't try it on.............. because tucked inside the bag was another little trinket.  

Isn't it beautiful??!!!  It went on and yes I will admit I forgot the ruby jeweled bracelet/anklet.  I just kept staring at the knotted bracelet - love knot right?? ok maybe not - but I am calling it a "love knot"!!!

I feel so spoiled.  I kept thinking all weekend long "what did I do to deserve this"???  W knows how to spoil me - or maybe it's more than spoiled - maybe he knows how to make me feel special.  I like special .....  I like being the #1 subbie (inside joke - don't ask)

So after being tied and beaten and showered with jewelry - I would rate this weekend a TEN !!

Did I tell you??

* that I went to Kingston on the weekend???

*  that we had a rope class to go to?? Rope as in bondage - on Friday.  I had planned to get to Kingston with time for a small nap before dinner and the rope class - but schedules can and do shift and change.  

SO I got to Kingston in time to unpack - have a snuggle - get changed and GO!  I got tied up and untied and tied up again.  I got to bite try to bite W's neck and I inadvertently got to "cop a feel of a Rope Top's pink jiggly bits.

* that Saturday afternoon I had the first - tentative - meeting of Kingston submissives, bottoms and slaves.  Actually they don't have too many submissives or slaves in Kingston - but they do have a whole helluva lot of bottoms - especially rope bottoms.  I had 7 women out - with the possibility of 4 more the next time.  AND that dear friends is without even "advertising".

*  that Saturday night - we drove for about an hour to go to a munch with a whole new (for me) group of people.   AND after the munch we went to a spontaneous play party at someone's house and I got my ass beat.

*  OH YES - and did I tell you that on Friday night while I was being tied up and  was busy groping male pink jiggly bits that my house sold??

Yes you heard me right - a miracle happened and the house sold!!  I have a month to get packed up and out of here............. but all that matters is that house sold and I can now really truly see the light at the end of the tunnel - and the start of my new life with W.

And that dear readers is What happened this weekend!

  

Sunday Sentiments

Obviously - my yesterdays took up a whole lot of my todays!!!  I didn't realize I already had a Sunday Sentiment ready to go this morning............ so folks - lucky you - you get two - count 'em TWO - Sunday Sentiments today.  

Now I'll go work on my yesterdays that are intruding....

Sunday Sentiments

blog frenzy

 

I have been "bitchin" recently about not having much to blog about........ oh occasionally inspiration will hit - but then it wanes and I am left scratching my head and musing........... which - in this case - means not much writing.

kaya did a post the other day on Slavery ......... which really got me thinking about blogging...ok there is a connection - read her blog and see if you see it........ but trust me!!  in my head there was a connection between her blog and my thoughts on not blogging.

When I first started out blogging - it was pretty close to sub frenzy - I wanted all the thoughts / emotions/ feelings to spill out on to the page immediately and enlighten every one.  I WAS the muse of spankings and all things BDSM.  (ok ok maybe not the muse - but I sure had a lot of crap to tell you)  I couldn't write fast enough ....... I wanted to get it all out there NOW.  (sounds an awful lot like sub frenzy - I want everything NOW)

Anyway - here we are 8 years down the line.  My first blog was written on April 28, 2005.  Many years ago - a lot of water under the bridge.

My life with Sir has been chronicled from the first blush of sub frenzy - through the rough bumpy road times - to now........... to the grand old lady and her Sir.  We are both calmer now.  We are both comfortable (more or less) in our own skin and in our relationship.  We have reached a more mature place I think.  Our BDSM flows now... ebbs and wanes - but it flows.  

I am here for the long haul - so is W (I guess - I haven't actually ASKED him) Our lives are about day to day stuff - health - bills - friends - family and a whole lot less about US... about the D/s stuff... about the spanking stuff..... about bruises and welts and cheeky sub dances.

And so this blog (you knew I was gonna eventually get back to the purpose of this entry right??) is becoming more about life.......... the big picture - not just one small snippet of our life together.

If you read here - you will still occasionally read about the trials and tribulations of submission and maybe even Domming - but for the most part - we have boiled this relationship down to a delicious combination of all things good.  The frenzy is gone.  The words that needed to spill out have been read - and for me - they have been internalized and changed and made to fit us............not some fictional dream of BDSM (as I have said many times)

Blogging is in my blood - it will continue - but not in a frenzied way.  It will still be only my opinion (ok ok occasionally it will evolve from someone else's opinion/philosophy) but The Journey will continue.

 

A Rose by any other Name...........

When we all come to the net - we put on our cloak of invisibility - our nicknames. After all discretion is important. Anonymity even more so.

Have you ever paid attention to people's nicknames?? Sometimes I wonder how much thought is put into picking a nickname. (Mind you by this point in the life of the great web - it is very difficult to actually find a nickname that hasn't already been used - thus the weird numbers - dashes and other symbols after a name)

I think a good number of us try to find a nick that tells folks who we are. There are umpteen subslutbabygirlwet4u names online... Or MasterTomDickandHarry or Sirropewhipchain.  What does it matter what we call ourselves??? Isn't it far important who we are inside??

I prefer someone who is down to earth, friendly, non-judgmental, open, and honest - someone who doesn't play games - or snipe behind my back. I don't much care how clever their name is (or isn't) It's the person behind the name I care about.

BUT it has come to my attention that there are some of us who actually judge others by their nicknames and decide - because they don't like the nick - they will not acknowledge us. WTF??!! Really - that's the best you can do?? 
You don't like our nick !!! 

Sorry - if it wasn't so immature and childish it would be funny.

A Rose by any other name is still a rose - thorns and all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cross posted to Fetlife 

Sunday Sentiments

 

Usually on Sunday I have some cute clever humorous saying in this spot.

I don't feel very clever or humorous or cute today.  In fact today I feel downright ugly.

I woke up feeling sad - to my core.  And before I had even had my first coffee I was crying.  I feel so sad today.  I feel so damn alone today.  I feel - truthfully - like I don't matter.  

The world spins on around me - everyone having fun - laughing - playing - joking - teasing - and somehow I am on the outside looking in........ and no one gets it!  no one damn well GETS IT.

I just want to find a deep dark safe hole and climb in pull the top in over me and disappear for a good long while.......... 

Till my soul feels healed 

Till I am heard

Till I am strong again. 

Stormy

Our weather forecast today is for freezing rain - ice pellets and 10 - 15cms of snow.  

Somehow the following seemed appropriate for today's post............ 

 

Tumbling...........

Ok - put your thinking caps on and flex up your fingers.......... 

I have a mess of questions for you all........ 

What is this "tumblr" thing?

Yeah yeah I know you can post pics on it - and write blogs - but why tumblr over - say - blogspot??

If you have a tumblr account - or go to tumblr - how the hell do you comment?? I spent 30 minutes last night trying to figure it out.... I even googled how to comment and didn't get anywhere (see my sad face??)

How the hell do you navigate the site?

Can anyone help me understand here??? I am old and slow (obviously) and sadly just don't get it .........  (though I am beginning to think why do I need to "get it") 



 

Believing the Hype - OR - Not

Sometimes we submissives believe the hype - lock stock and barrel.  The Dom announces (at one point - or every day - or occasionally) that he is GOD and we must obey blindly (did I say that???  nah I wouldn't say that!!)

At first it is fun - teasing - and laughter and challenging.  BUT if you really want to be a good submissive - and if you are desperate in sub frenzy - you will believe / do just about anything to please this man who calls himself Master. 

You (hopefully) have done everything right up to this point.  You have vetted this man (ok could be a woman) and you have had gallons of coffee with him and you have even played occasionally with him.  He makes your heart skip a beat.  He makes you tingle.  You get butterflies every time you are going to see him.

Then it starts to get more serious - and you even do the negotiations and the check lists.  And then you give him "the gift of your submission"....... (gag me) and now there are no more negotiations.  Now it is REAL.

And you slip further and further into your submission.  And he slips further and further into his Dominance.

And then one day you wake up and you don't recognise who you are anymore... and you don't much recognise him either.

And when you try and question - when you try to sort out the relationship - you are accused of being a bad submissive.  You are accused of not following the rules.  You feel like a failure.  And you promise to work harder - you BEG to be allowed to try again.

And again

And again.

And then it happens.  You realize your limits have been pushed beyond your comfort zone.  You are where you never dreamed you would be - and never wanted to be.  You don't feel valued.  You don't feel listened to.  You don't feel respected.  

Now you can just walk away - turn your back and walk away - BECAUSE folks - believe it or not - good submissive or not - you do still have free will....... and if it isn't working you CAN just walk away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And it can end there..... it can.  Or you both can sit down and rationally talk out what went wrong...... and where it went wrong........... and maybe just maybe he will get he is NOT God. And maybe ......just maybe ..... you will stop being a mindless drone........  And maybe just maybe you will both be ready to forget the hype - forget the fairy tale you read on line or in a book and maybe you are both willing to try again - in real life!! 

And then real trust and respect will grow.  And you will notice a big difference in his mannerisms and demands and you will feel loved and cared for.  And hopefully while you are feeling safe and loved and respected you will be giving it back to him 10 fold.  


And the foundation that was never very solid before will be reinforced and strong - strong enough to weather the good and the bad.  And together you will grow tall and strong in your love and in the Dominance and in the submission.

And then your relationship will be something that makes you both glow from the inside out.  

 

Overload

I have this blog entry tickling my brain............ and tickling is about all it can do right now.

I am suffering with brain overload - I can't seem to put two words together and make any sense.  

So for now - if you will all excuse me - I am gonna retreat to my quiet corner and remember to breath - and hopefully things will settle down before my brain explodes.

Continuing Saga

Right - so everyone knows by now (if you don't know - where have you been for the last 8 months!!??) I am trying to sell my house so that when I retire I can move to Kingston to be with W with no stress or worries.  AND most of you should know I have had an offer - AND the home inspection was on Sunday.

To say I was stressed over this home inspection is an understatement.  Everything hinged on this inspection - AND - if there were problems then I couldn't even keep it on the market - at least until the problems were fixed.  

AND yes I had reason to worry...... 
1)  someone I work with sold their home a month ago - when the buyers did the home inspection they found MOLD in the attic - tons of mold!!  The house had to come off the market until it could be removed - and now - even though it is gone - the house has a reputation and no one is even coming to see it 
2) my house is 30 years old - it has creaks and pains and cracks from old age.  There is one crack in the kitchen that goes right through to the dining room - 
3) When I bought the house there was a water mark on the ceiling tiles in the cupboard in the basement.  Truthfully I forgot about it - my inspector said there had - at one time or another - been a flood in the kitchen - probably with the dishwasher.  But on the weekend - I wondered if they would find MOLD around that water damage - I looked and really couldn't see anything - but ya all know me - I imagined creeping mold spreading right across the whole house.
4) the foundation is cracking and chipping - as are the bricks.  and yes I know it is a condo - and therefore I am not responsible to fix anything to do with the outside of the building - including the foundation - BUT I was worried

Ok so Sunday morning at 10:00 a.m. the inspector showed up - the buyers and my agent.  And the inspection started.  The inspector kept taking pictures of everything and looking worried.  The clients were following him around and talking away in chinese (yes the inspector was chinese) and it is horrible not being able to understand what someone is saying................ 

They did outside first - then they did the main level - then we went downstairs.  Now you should know I have 2 bathrooms in this house and a powder room.  I use the powder room and the main bathroom.  The bathroom in the basement I don't think has ever been used.  When the train set up was in the room outside this bathroom - I shut the water off and closed the door.  When the train set left, I opened the door cleaned the bathroom and turned the water off.  When home visits started I turned the water on (at least I thought I had) Sunday my agent said make sure the water is on........ so I went to make sure.  It wasn't.  So I turned it on.  I didn't hear the water running into the toilet - which is when I remembered there was a separate on off valve for the toilet.  I turned it on.......

Almost immediately the toilet started leaking - at first slowly - but then ........... BOOM a seal let go and gallons of water started pouring into the bathroom - with the clients and the inspector watching !!!!!  I figured that's it ........ I'm done now.

I turned the toilet off - mopped up the water - put on a good face - well as good as I could manage.

The woman said "the toilet will have to be fixed" I said " yes of course"

When it was all over - their building inspector said there were no problems with the house except for the toilet............ 

So now I wait to see if the flooding toilet scared them away.......... AND if they can actually get a mortgage ............... 

It never ends does it - this continuing saga of my retirement/move.

 
 

Sunday Sentiments

Last Hurdle

Well I am down to 3 months till I retire.  AND I still have not sold my house.  Two weeks ago I had someone ring my doorbell.  When I opened the door it was a family who wanted to see the house.  I explained that there was an open house the next day and they should come back then........... but they were so insistent on seeing the house right then and there that I let them in.

Now they didn't have a strong understanding of the English language - nor did they have any french....... and trust me when I say I didn't speak their mother tongue (though i would love to ) 

Anyway they came in and went through it.... and they even came back to the open house and spoke with my agent.  They had told me they HAD to have this house.  They told my agent they HAD to have this house.

Two weeks later my agent was still jumping through hoops trying to get them to sign on the dotted line.  (le sigh)

Despite their seeming lack of understanding of our language - they found someone to take them to see other homes in the area.  They started back pedaling on this house.  (It is a major buyer's market right now - with 30+ homes just like mine in the same area - on the market) 

Finally on Tuesday they made an offer.  A low offer.  

But my agent did her homework - and I did mine.  The price of homes in my area have dropped by 20,000 to 30,000$ since the fall!!!  and the ones that are still on the market are the ones who are living in some seller's fantasy land.

So I counter offered - and they countered offer - but their counter was their final price.  My agent agreed to drop her commission some so the difference wasn't too great.  I signed the counter offer.

Now before you all start jumping up and down for joy for me........... they don't have a mortgage yet.  And that could be a major stumbling block. (according to my agent) HE has only held a job here in the Great White North for 2 years - the banks prefer 3 years with the same company.   On the plus side - they do however have 40,000$ cash to put down........ and they have ordered a "home inspection" to take place tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. 

I am worried about the house inspection.  This is an older home (30 years older) ...... it needs some work for sure !!!  I am worried it won't pass the inspection and I may NEVER sell it !!

BUT 

if it does pass (by some miracle ) and they do get a mortgage (by some miracle) I will be outta here June 1st.

I could use some real strong karma - good vibes - prayers whatever it is you do........... cause this is my last hurdle ...................... I am so damn close I can taste it !!!  

Peeve

I have noticed - over the last few months (ok maybe longer than that) that when I go looking for pictures to illustrate a blog entry I am getting more and more BDSM pictures that depict sex.  

S E X 

Really???? 

When I type in the search engine - Master and slave - I get picture after picture of cocks and vaginas and fisting and sex toys.

When I type in the search engine - submissive - I get picture after picture of vaginas and double penetration and fisting and cocks - oh yeah and the occasional bondage picture usually with the pussy exposed - or a gag in the mouth with cock in the vagina

When I type in the search engine - bondage - I get picture after picture of naked bodies bound and chained (good so far) but then upon closer inspection - the models are nude with their genitals exposed and front and center.  Or I get pictures of male bodies or female bodies bound and giving blow jobs.

Doesn't anyone else just want a picture that depicts the beauty of BDSM without all the sex???? Doesn't anyone else question why BDSM is becoming synonymous with sex?

Is this the influence of 50 Shades - or is it what "sells"?? How confusing/misleading for newbies - don't you agree?

Or am I the only one who sees so much more to BDSM than a quick fuck?

 

Long Road home

It was a long lonely road home yesterday.

That's all.

Been a long time............

It has been a long time since I posted any pics of marks on my ass from a whipping......

Yesterday - after I had posted that I was "vegging" W decided another whipping was in order - and what W wants W gets (see me complaining??? LOL)

This time though - for some reason - I asked if there were any stripes - I think maybe the  reason was - it was hurting and I wanted to make sure HE could see the whip was doing it's job - so to speak.

In the past W has taken pictures after the fact - so that I had a record of what had transpired.  I loved having the recorded memories and can't count how many pictures I have saved on disks over the past 10 years or so.

Anyway - all of that to say - I have pictures of my striped ass and thought I would share a couple ...............

this one's about half way through

and this was the final result

It proved to be quite a nice session........... one to hold close to me as I head home to finish off the last 3 months of work...............

 

Oh wait a sec........... one more picture I have to share.... W gave me a surprise present on the weekend (for Easter I guess) a necklace with a handcuff.   I asked W to take a picture so I could share.....

 

 

  

Sex Drugs and Rock 'n Roll

So far we've had a rockin' weekend.......

Lots of spankings and a couple of whippings thrown in for good measure... an orgasm to rock my world.............. and as for the drugs ......... well no, no drugs - unless you count the antibiotics I am on for sinusitis 

We had dinner with friends on Friday night and coffee with more friends yesterday.  We went out for a very romantic dinner last night.

And today we are (currently) vegging in the family room.

This has been an amazing Easter weekend :)