Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I just sent W an email - one where i admitted (as difficult as that was) that i am blue today and I don't know why........... 

It happens from time to time - my getting blue - not as much as it used to - but it still happens.  And I know as much as today is a blue day - tomorrow will probably be better...... especially if I remember to "breathe".  W tells me that all the time "Breathe" he says and I do......... and it helps.

Someone (I can't remember who or when ) told me that every day from September to June I can say "this is my last First day of School - or the last Sept 30th - or the last whatever " for the entire school year - and what a great feeling that will be ............ I know they were trying to be cheerful and helpful about my surviving my last year of work........ but now........ well now it makes me sad.  I don't know anything except working ....... and as much as I bitch about it - and as much as I WILL be glad to retire - there is something sad about it too........ an ending.

And then I think from now till this time next year - every day will be my last - my last summer in my secret garden - my last Christmas in my lil home - my last birthday here - and though I AM glad and excited to be moving to Kingston with W......... it still makes me a little sad that there are all these endings...........



  1. Leaving behind where you have been for a long time is bound to have some sad days. My master always tells me to breathe..it is good advice. I have been so excited for the path you have been following. Lots of new adventures ahead of you. But it is okay to be sad about leaving.
    hugs abby

  2. All of that change is bound to not only be sad, but scary as well! As much as most of us would love to quit our jobs, in most cases that job is sometimes the main constant in our lives!

    I just know you will do well... as I mainly lurk around your blog, you are a highly intelligent woman who will do well no matter what you are doing! ;o)

  3. I know this is all a little scary, but inasmuch as you will have a year of "last" whatevers, you will have th opportunity to make each of those "last" things celebratory. Do each last as if it were the last. Don't go grudgingly and numbly through these days. Breathe, yes. And look, and see and notice and feel. And say a glad farewell to each thing that you will not do again in exactly the same way. The farewells will clear the space for each new adventure that will come in their place.

    Big hugs, and good wishes.

  4. It ain't a series of endings, silly girl. It is a flock of beginnings.

  5. Anonymous7:00 pm

    And then there will be all those FIRSTS!!! <3


  6. Ordalie10:49 pm

    Morningstar, you can't imagine that exhilarating feeling of freedom! Everyday when I wake up I think: yipee, I'm retired and FREE!

  7. It's only natural to mourn the loss.
    It's the best way to fully embrace the future! =)


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