Thursday, March 22, 2012


Let's see if you can follow the bouncing subbie ball this morning........... 

Yesterday's realization that my sex drive is returning to normal (FINALLY!!)  has gotten me to thinking about a whole mess of things along the lines of sex and sexuality.  

I had a little masturbation session yesterday - and OH MY GOD !!  it felt amazing....... it has been so long since I pulled the hitachi and the dildo out and had some "private" time.  However - after the fact - I couldn't help thinking how much better it would have all been - if there had been pain mixed in to the mix of vibrators and dildos.

And then the usual "what the hell is wrong with me" floated through my mind - what makes sex so much more fulfilling - thrilling - and fun when it is combined with some extreme pain??? I wondered about the crossed wiring that must twist and turn through my body.......... how weird is that?? Why is pain foreplay for me when others prefer snuggling and candles and chocolate and whispered sweet nothings???

And then I had a mini fantasy of having to hold a dildo in me while being flogged - and if it accidentally fell out - feeling it thrust back in - rather roughly - and strong harsh words whispered in my ear...... and the pain continuing ............ 

And then I circled 'round to the reality of that play scenario - and realized it wouldn't happen at a club - publicly - because ................ I have standards.  Pure and simple - standards.  

Back in the day when I first started attending public play parties - genitals HAD to be covered.  Insertions in any orifice were most certainly banned.  Now of course you can see (at any public event) subbies running around stark naked (without even a towel to sit on - ewwwwwwww) Never mind the blatant open fucking that happens, or blow jobs, or any other form of sexual interactions.  

I would love to engage..... those urges happen most often when I am being beaten and my insides are twitching and craving .......... and I am having one small orgasm after another just from the pain.......... but the body needs/wants/craves a MAJOR earth shattering one - that can only be found with a dildo or W's creative 'fucking' hand. 

But I never go there........ never need/crave/twitch enough to beg for that release...... because I have standards.  Because in my mind - those who do - are wanton women (to quote my grandmother ) or sluts (to quote my mom) and I am neither ............. 

I am just a subbie with needs ......... and standards......... and this weird crossed wiring that makes pain foreplay.


  1. Anonymous7:02 am

    Can't comprehend 'pain foreplay' but certainly can identify with your 'desire' for a "MAJOR" earthshattering orgasm. Yummy!


  2. This has Me thinking about a few things....


  3. I am curious, as someone who has gone naked at one of these parties (with permission from the host), what do you see as the difference between the nudity that occurs when playing (bare ass to be spanked, etc) and being naked as part of a D/s exchange, as I was that evening?
    I get what you say about the hygiene issues, but assuming those are dealt with, do you see other problems with it?
    Myself, I can't and probably never will orgasm in public, in part because to me that is the most private part of a scene, but I obviously think it's great if that's something that other people can bring about with their play, even if that play has no genital contact. Again, since it's not something I can do, just curious about the difference you see between orgasm from sexual contact and orgasm from pain in public.

  4. @Katie:

    2 questions = 2 answers :)

    1) what do you see as the difference between the nudity that occurs when playing (bare ass to be spanked, etc) and being naked as part of a D/s exchange, as I was that evening?

    Well usually only the ass is bared.. and being me - if my front is pressed against a cross or some other piece of equipment it is covering me therefore - ergo - I am NOT naked (cheeky grin) ..... and as for walking around naked?? I have no problem with that at all - as long as there are towels or something to cover the sitting space...... pure hygiene reasons.

    2)the difference you see between orgasm from sexual contact and orgasm from pain in public.

    It is in my mind all very simple. There are NO insertions - nothing - when I orgasm from pain.

    Nothing obvious to those watching - except maybe my body language - and to the casual observer - I doubt they would interpret my stretching my body full length... standing on tip toes (if standing) OR curling my toes (if lying) as an orgasm.

    Orgasms from being fucked with a dildo is blatant - and that is what I can't come to understand.

    Hope that answers your questions Katie

  5. Morningstar, I am so in agreement with you, think I got the same cross wiring too!!


  6. Interesting. There are such differences (largely regional, I believe) in the culture that is the public scene.
    I've played in public, and been gloriously, entirely, utterly naked -- except for collar and cuffs. I never felt, wanton or slutty. I was mentally and emotionally, completely within the space created by He and I together -- and so there was no one else "there."

    Makes me wonder about my own "standards." I'll need to give that some thought.


  7. I'm so glad that your libido is putting in an appearance and giving you extra "bounce". Enjoy :-)


Popular Posts