I think of all the questions I have about TPE the most intimate (invasive) question I have is finances.............
In my mind in a TPE relationship - the submissive would own nothing......... not a house .. not a car... not a bank account... nothing........ everything would be turned over to her Master.
In and of itself - I have no problem with that. Master (the man you love and trust) will take care of all your needs. BUT what happens if he doesn't??? What happens if after a number of years off the grid so to speak - you no longer have a credit rating ? Or credit cards to get a credit rating back - or money to pay off those credit cards??? What happens if something dramatic and traumatic happens and your Master is no longer there for you????
What happens to you - the submissive - financially (never mind emotionally) ??? Where do you live ?? The house isn't yours?? How do you pay for things?? The bank account isn't yours??
These are very real - very frightening concerns for me ..............
Any reassuring words?? Any frightening truths???
My friend recently finished a TPE relationship and her Master had made sure she always had money in the bank for such an eventuality. Not sure if that helps?
ReplyDeleteDeafening silence here?
ReplyDeleteAgain good questions...realistic. It just seems to me that after a long period of time of repressing the very essence of self (slave) to please another, regardless of how loving that person(master) may be...would lead the slave to eventually have many bottled up unhealthy emotions. Doesn't seem mentally healthy. But then what do I know just going on what I feel.
ReplyDeleteJoyce
I been reading your post on TPE, and decided to toss in my two cents. We are in a TPE relationship. We have had vanilla friends call us *unhealthy*, I figure who the hell cares we are happy.
ReplyDeleteMaster and I have been together 12 years now, we work together, bath together, shop together. In 12 years we may have been apart a TOTAL of say 7 days. TOTAL. No 8 hours while he or I goes to work, no hour while I soak in the tub, we are together. Always.
And it works for us.
I can anticipate His needs and He anticipates mine. We are hermits, both of us and this works for us, to have little outside interaction.
I have no credit cards, nor bank account, nor do I drive. However, my name in on EVERY credit card of His and I know where the Wills are although mine is more a Living Will then I bequeath thee type will) and I am the recipient of everything, if He dies, including the bank accounts. I know what our worth is, and if He died today I would be financially okay for the rest of my life.
He is my life and I am His, I trust Him, with everything, my future, my possession, all of it.
Like everything in this lifestyle, you are asking questions on the WHAT IF. What if during breath play he goes to far and you pass out, die. What if during knife play He slips and you need a trip to emerg for stitches, what if he pushes your boundaries too far and ignores your safe word. What if...as with anything else in this lifestyle you choose a partner carefully and ensure that He matches your needs and vice versa.
I do not believe ANYONE in a true TPE, walked into a relationship and drop everything at their Masters feet and just said "here take it". A real TPE comes over time, is built on trust, on security, on boundaries. And is for life. It is not for that moment when "master wants a new girl" or "master tires of you." It is forever. In order for a TPE to work..it has to be built upon over time. 12 years ago, I drove, had my bank account, had credit cards, as we progressed and grew to love, to trust, there was no more need for it. I know I am well cared for, I know my future is well cared for, I know if He left me today, I would be wwll cared for and if He died today I would be well cared for.
We are happy, if its unhealthy like some of my friends say then so be it. Master and I are happier then we have ever been and TPE works wonderfully for us..:)
starla
www.bdsm-gear.com
"In my mind in a TPE relationship - the submissive would own nothing......... not a house .. not a car... not a bank account... nothing........ everything would be turned over to her Master."
ReplyDeleteI agree fully. I need to keep looking to find one that believes the same as I do.
Total Power Exchange means the dominant is in charge.. doesnt mean micro managing
ReplyDeletemy Sir doesnt micro manage, but He does have TOTAL POWER to change that if He wishes
He doesnt tell me what to wear, but if He chose to He would
THAT to me is the essence of total power exchange.. He has all the power.. and He chooses to let me manage certain things .. but His word / opinion is final
-sugar
Ahhh...had a friend who had trouble getting credit when her husband passed away unexpectedly. Her name was on the credit cards but the company closed the accounts. She had many problems getting a card in her own name...no financial history. Might want to check it out.
ReplyDeleteJoyce
I have been in a TPE relationship with my Master for almost 8 years. He has always let me know that I would be taken care of if something ever happens to him. We have a joint bank account but he monitors it very closely.
ReplyDeleteI usually let Master know when I need to buy presents (for him or the kids or such) and he will give me an allowance so I can still feel controlled but be able to buy gifts.
Our TPE relationship works very well for us and I can't imagine having any other kind now. :D
Hugs,
padme
I have the same concerns that is if I would ever find a Dominant that I could trust on that level.
ReplyDeleteOk...my thoughts...I would hope that a Dominant would have the same thoughts and concerns which would prompt them to plan for the future. Whether it would be the loss of a beloved or a break-up, I would hope that he would remember what has been given up.
(OK now I am coming back to copy and paste this as it may become an interesting post soon)
ReplyDeleteI totally get the fear you have. But remember a TPE is a total power *exchange*. In O/our eyes that means that both the individuals involved exchange the power. Me by opting to give my power over to Him and take on what He decides, Him to give me duties and take my submission.
The way it works for us is that He basically decided I was better with money and opted to give that burden to me. Combining our bank accounts was a huge thing for us both - we are both on our third (and final!!) maarriages and both suffered financially from priors. In fact we are *still* working together at building back both of our credit.
It took time and trust - trust built from actions. He needed to see me pay the bills and do the things He expects me to do. He will tell me the amount of money He will be taking toward things He chooses to purchase and I am to figure it into our budget. We have only one debit card that we share but I rarely use it without His presence unless He has directed me to do such. We both have income but it ultimately is. The reason I give Him that control is because I have come to realize He will not abuse it. He treats me like a princess and shows me unconditional love like no other ever.
Whatever will be, will be. The ramifications from a break up are the same as in a marriage in my opinion. It is a chance we take no matter what our lifestyle.
I fear loss the most. I fear that He will have me so programmed to be caring for His needs that if I were to loose Him I may just be lost entirely. I talk to Him about that almost everyday. He says that I need to live in the now and He is very wise. ;)
~viemoira