The little engine that could.....

Do any of you remember the story of the little engine that could???? he kept saying "I think I can I think I can " and then he did.

That was my day yesterday.  

A lot of silly little things went wrong.... we had a snow storm - my brush to clean the car broke - my windshield wiper on the driver's side has a rubber problem - I discovered that I was driving with an outdated insurance form in my wallet - outdated by 2 years - and of course in my panic couldn't find the new one - (thankfully didn't discover this fact by 'accident') ... was carrying an overhead projector out of my office and nearly dropped it - in the process I pulled multiple muscles in my arms and chest and back - 

And then I was driving home at lunch time and realized my heart was pounding - my body was shaking - my palms were all sweaty - I was having trouble breathing.......... and I realized - after some deep breaths - that I was having a panic attack.  

I haven't had one in years.......... must be 4 or 5 years actually.  I had almost forgotten what one feels like.  Fortunately I remembered before I pressed the panic button and called 911.  I was not dying.  I just had to get control.  Not always easy to do when you aren't feeling all that in control.

My mantra became "I think I can I think can I think can" .  

I found the new insurance form (I think I can I think I can) .... I took advil for the sore, strained muscles (I think I can I think I can) .... I used the broken head brush to clean off my car (I think I can I think I can) ........ I muddled through the last of the paper work at school (I think I can I think I can)...........I did the deposits for my lil Prek (I think I can I think I can) .... I paid my employee at the Prek (I think I can I think I can) 

And then I came home to peace and quiet and safety of my lil house.  I did it!  I made it through the day and nothing  really terrible or horrible happened.  I put on my pjs, fed the cat, fed myself, curled up on the sofa under a blanket and let the muscles relax....... it was over.  

For now.

I am guessing one is never "cured" when it comes to panic attacks....... nor is one (well at least me) ever fully aware of what will cause one.  Lesson learned !