Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Domination and submission

Since BDSM is at the very least a play style and at its greatest a love style, the holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. However "together" and "whole" individuals may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary other. BDSM cannot be done alone. - taken from the Emblem Project.

I have been giving a whole lot of thought to Domination and submission.. and how it can apply to Warren and I now. BEFORE.. I tried to be the very best submissive - but my definition of submission came from the internet.. came from other's relationships.. came from everywhere but where it should have come from. It should have come from Warren and I and what worked for us.

Saturday night while Warren was playing with me... it didn't scare me to stop him and tell him something hurt bad.. or that there had been a wrap.. or that I would like it if he went a bit slower.. giving me a breath between hits. It didn't scare me because I realized that Warren is not a mind reader.. and despite all the hoopla on the net .. to make a good BDSM relationship.. to have a really successful play time.. I MUST tell Warren what is working for me and what is not.

Now does that make him less a dominant??
Does that make me less of a submissive??

No I honestly don't believe so. I believe it makes him a much better dominant - because he listens to me .. hears me.. and makes the play session work for both of us. That says to me that I am valued and cared for.. yes even loved.

Does it make me less of a submissive?? No I honestly don't believe so. I believe it makes me more open and more willing to go where he wants to take me because now he has the road map to take me where we both want to go.

Does a dominant become less of a dominant because his submissive speaks up.. or lends a hand.. or takes over for a while and guides the way?? I don't think so.. I think we are all human whether we are the dominant or the submissive... and sometimes we all need a helping hand.. a shoulder to lean on.. an ear to listen.

And if there is to be a healthy relationship .. a loving relationship... then there has to be sharing ... has to be!! Because we are all individuals with a void that can only be completed by a complimentary other.

The trick is in finding our complimentary other and being open to living life to the fullest by one's own standards.. and ignoring all the rest.


  1. This post should be recommended reading for all "newbies"...and those of us that are not so new...as a reminder! Well said!

  2. I'm still of the mind that all labels should be tossed in a cross shredder, then burned and the residue used as fertilizer. There isn't only one right way and very few wrong ways.

  3. i love this post, because although 90% of the time i am a pain slut there is occasions that i really want nothing better than to have a hug or cuddle from Himself. i know if i wasn't able to tell Him that, or He didnt listen to me it could seriously damage the play we have ... fortunatately He makes time to say if a new thing works or not . and no i dont believe it makes you or anyone else less submissive to say if something is not working. As He always says ... if it feels good do it.. if not pass on by .
    love and light


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